OrIgIn

OrIgIn

male LV 14
2020-04-21 Joined United States
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Original works
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OrIgIn
OrIgIn
2 months ago
Commented

please no cliff hanger like this for a long time. please please please

OrIgIn
OrIgIn
2 months ago
Commented

WHAT BORDER? THE STATE BORDER? THE COUNTRY'S BORDER? WHAT BORDER ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Are we sure that we are still in the U.S. of A? Because I am almost a hundred percent certain that states are not countries unto themselves, and so therefore need to border patrol to examine every single person that is passing through state lines. Also, don't do that thing where you defend yourself by saying that this is a fictional world. That only applies if you have EXPLAINED why the state lines have such guards. Which you have not. It is literally the first time this has been mentioned, when Ezra was crossing it. If you are writing a story set in the real world, or some alternate version of the modern world, with all the countries and nations of our world and almost all the technology, you have the explain the changes that happen to that world because of the elements that makes it fantasy/fictional. You can't just introduce a concept to the story, never explain it, and expect your readers to not be taken from the immersion. Anyways, no hate to the story or you as a writer, but just take this into consideration. For now, I am going to assume the story takes place in the US, the 'border' being mentioned are state borders, and that the payment to travel through the border is just a payment to travel through states.

As they boarded the Ferris wheel again and it ascended, Ezra couldn't shake the nagging feeling that there was more to the man he'd help, and having recognized him from his criminal records... 'I knew the guys who kept using the serum were connected, but even past the border...?' 

Nano-Machine (DC X INVINCIBLE)

Nano-Machine (DC X INVINCIBLE)

Anime & Comics · PettiaMius_6689

OrIgIn
OrIgIn
2 months ago
Commented

im confused, is he leaving the US or a state?

OrIgIn
OrIgIn
3 months ago
Replied to Marveller

I would also recommend creation patreon exclusive content other than just advanced chapters.

Another thing, the numbers of patrons hasn't been rising lately, do you think there is something I should improve in this fic to gain more readers or patrons? Is the fic boring or what? Tell me!! 

Marvel: I Need A New Body

Marvel: I Need A New Body

Anime & Comics · Marveller

OrIgIn
OrIgIn
3 months ago
Commented

I just don't think there is anything interesting in the far off future of the fic that would merit a patreon sub. Like, the fic is interesting, sometimes something interesting happens that catches my attention, the smut is good, but there doesn't seem to be an overarching story that would demand a sub. I can just wait until the good stuff, if there are any. Any way, what I am trying to say is that there is no incentive for subscribing to read ahead because I can't see anything that is worth my money to read right now that I can just wait for.

Another thing, the numbers of patrons hasn't been rising lately, do you think there is something I should improve in this fic to gain more readers or patrons? Is the fic boring or what? Tell me!! 

Marvel: I Need A New Body

Marvel: I Need A New Body

Anime & Comics · Marveller

OrIgIn
OrIgIn
3 months ago
Commented

Ok, I get the limitations placed by the world, he can only generate 1000 Gold a day right now. But I am confused by this last section. Like, if he spends 500 Gold, then wouldn't he be able to generate 1000 gold again tomorrow then pay the charity- Oh, he can't pay charity because he isn't old enough. You need to make that more clear, I had to write this to figure it out.

OrIgIn
OrIgIn
3 months ago
Commented

Don't use sound effects, just tell us the sound that happens and we can imagine it much better than you could explain it to us in written form.

This book has been deleted.
OrIgIn
OrIgIn
4 months ago
Replied to Paulcait

The best balance between musculature, muscle definition, flexibility, and aesthetics. Much like a sprint runner's physique.

"There is no greater distraction upon this ship or in my very life than you Elesmere." I said as I stood up from my own meditation mat and confidently stripped my clothes showing off the strong swimmer's physique, I had crafted with my body cultivation, leaving no natural imperfections except for a couple moles to avoid the uncanny valley effect.

A Light Within Darkness

A Light Within Darkness

Video Games · Azazyel

OrIgIn
OrIgIn
5 months ago
Commented

Its good. Its kind of slow, but good. I like it.

Though I'm curious: how many of y'all even like this novel? Since, to me, it feels somewhat subpar.

Marvel's Black Steel

Marvel's Black Steel

Movies · Ozonelayer

OrIgIn
OrIgIn
6 months ago
Commented

Essence of Blank

  • Godking (Aspverse) original

    Godking (Aspverse)

    Fantasy ACTION ADVENTURE REINCARNATION MAGIC OVERPOWERED

    Tags – Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Thriller, Mystical, Magic, Gods, Goddesses, Divinity, Dimensions, Extra Dimensions, ???, ???, etc. ---------------------------------------- Walking out of my apartment, I head down on an elevator, look at the watch, 8:43, damnit, just shy of my best time. Let’s hope that traffic is not bad today. Oh, who am I kidding, traffic is going to be horrible today with this weather. ‘I was right’, I think as I look at the massive backlog of cars on the streets and take out my umbrella before quickly trying to walk to my car without getting wet. Unfortunately, just before getting to my car, I hear a *BOOOM!*, and instinctively looking up, just in time to see a massive lightning bolt heading straight towards me, before everything goes black. I died. . . . Or I should’ve been dead, instead, here I am, in a place full of darkness and my thoughts. I don’t know how long I have been here, in this dark place, this void, but just as I think that I will start going crazy, I feel a faint warmth, and see light. With the light comes a strong pull before I can suddenly see normally again. But something feels different, now I feel strong, and supremely more aware of my surroundings. When I look around, I see a group of strangely dressed men and women, with Roman and Greek styles to their clothing. They all carry this strange feeling of strength and might, and a strange sense of superiority, then to what I’m used to. ---------------------------------------- Release Schedule: Unknown DISCLAIMER – This is a work of fiction. Not meant to offend or incite, but to entertain and (maybe) inspire. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this book are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. DISCLAIMER - Art by CK Göksoy This work is part of a greater collection of stories under the existence of the Aspverse. (Maybe) Early Chapters at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/OriginEntertainment Join Our Community at Discord: https://discord.gg/N7Y3Rstew2

    4 Chs 26 Collections

  • I'm God? original

    I'm God?

    Others R18 OVERPOWERED SLICEOFLIFE

    In a random twist of fate and chance, Mark, gets chosen for a once-in-an-infinite chance to become God, Creator of the Heavens and the Earth. Mark takes that chance, and while in this endless adventure of sleeping with women, creating different and unique universes, and just doing all he wants and can imagine. He begins his plans for something big, really, really big. Something on an unprecedented scale, that has never been done/ and will never be done before. To find out more, come and read his awesome and fantastical adventure, through "fictional" worlds, worlds he himself has made, and everything in between. -=-=-=-=- DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything (except maybe OC characters) all characters, places, worlds, universes…etc. mentioned here belong to their respective owners and/or companies. This is purely a work of fiction. Not meant to offend or incite, but to entertain and (maybe) inspire. Release Schedule: Mon, Wed, Fri 12:00 PM Chapter Release: 1 Chapter in release days. I’m going to try and keep the updates up to schedule but I don’t really know what will happen. Picture taken from Google Search: Transcendence

    13 Chs 489 Collections

  • Universe's Collide: New Krypton original

    Universe's Collide: New Krypton

    Others ACTION ROMANCE ADVENTURE REINCARNATION R18 HAREM OVERPOWERED SLICEOFLIFE

    Tags - R18, Incest, Harem(Kind of), Adventure, Romance, Action, Reincarnation, Exploration, Kingdom Building. Jason wakes up, unwelcomed, in a void-type space and gets rejected. Fortunately, the being of void can't erase MC and can't throw him out either. Since it can't do anything to the MC then it goes and searches for a solution and finds one in giving the MC all his wishes and then throwing him out. And it does just that.

    1 Chs 59 Collections

  • DCMCU: Kaiju's original

    DCMCU: Kaiju's

    Others

    Esen awakes in the Hollow Earth of the Monsterverse, with residents Godzilla and Kong. -=-=-=- WARNING - Image is not owned or created by me, all credit goes to Rebecca Wang that painted the picture. If you are Rebecca Wang and you don't want me using you picture, contact me and I will take it down. The image is named "Among the Stars - Cosmic White Tiger". WARNING - This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this book are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. WARNING - All characters used on this work belong to their respective owners excluding any characters specifically created for this work.

    1 Chs 61 Collections