- 0 d Continuous Writing
- 64.8 h of Reading
- 104 Read books
HaloJack
male LV 11I really enjoy making up stories, characters and worlds, but really struggle to write them down.
2020-07-30 Joined GermanyBadges 8
Moments 194
it was earlyer said academy life is survival of the fittest, cant even blame her for what she did
Soon the facts were twisted and Eren became even more of an abomination than Sienna had planned for him to be seen as. She fanned the flames even further. Eren's life in and outside the lab became more difficult with each passing day because of the naked jeers and constant threats from various groups affiliated with Sienna.
Vile Evil Hides Under The Veil
Fantasy · Grayback
I like her. She has potential and knows how her part of the world works. Eren knows her Plan, so why not use it against her, now that he has some connections himself? wait for her to make a mistake and use it agaist her. easy as that you have acess to the biggest potionerr family in the kingdom. could go anywhere from there
But that was not all. Sienna soon ranted to Ken that Eren had tried to be all touchy with her one day when they were alone in the lab. Almost everyone knew about Eren's crush on Sienna. The girl had made sure of that with her previous gossip. So it wasn't difficult for everyone to believe in the same. Why would a girl lie, right?
Vile Evil Hides Under The Veil
Fantasy · Grayback
not too good, just taking revenge for things that technicaly did not happen yet is inviting problems where you need none, work on making them miserable more subtle, become their friend and sell them out later on when you are safe and have ressoucres and backing. use them for what they are worth bevore taking them down
ch 62 Enter- The Protagonist
Vile Evil Hides Under The Veil
Fantasy · Grayback
old man still seeks the fault in other people, hopefully he will grow and learn, also petty grudges invite faliur and downfall
Eren only looked excited from the outside. But he knew about his aptitude beforehand. Instead, he was looking forward to starting his revenge on people that had messed up his entire life in the previous timeline.
Vile Evil Hides Under The Veil
Fantasy · Grayback
well yea, "had" the best healer, not anymore I am afraid
Selena would have never thought in her wildest dreams that she would die like this. Holding her larynx in her hands. Dying by loss of blood and a fatal injury to her neck. Even when she had the best healer of their age in her party.
Vile Evil Hides Under The Veil
Fantasy · Grayback
bind the slime an have it kill the sleeping hunter, my man needs to learn to plan ahead a little. XD guess he is technically still young.
Dom woke up with a roar. He couldn't see now that both of his eyes were damaged. But Eren was quick on his feet. He quickly got away from the hunter right after the attack had struck. That presence of mind saved him from the grim fate.
Vile Evil Hides Under The Veil
Fantasy · Grayback
always kill the biggest threat first when planning betrayal, otherwise you might fail before the fun even started. how to be evil 101
Eren had underestimated Dom and his superhuman senses. If it wasn't for the sedatives, Eren's act wouldn't have lasted long. Dom would have seen through his bullshittery.
Vile Evil Hides Under The Veil
Fantasy · Grayback
what happened to the story?
This chapter has been deleted.
Abandoned Account 2
Fantasy · LordYang
nice read, you writing really improve so much :)
This chapter has been deleted.
Abandoned Account 2
Fantasy · LordYang
"already" suggests a short timespan, "many" suggest a long time "to fail after so few years?" "to fail after so/such a little/short time?"
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Abandoned Account 2
Fantasy · LordYang
So what the average live span here? 30 should be pretty close to young in this advanced society, right? "in his youth" makes it sound like he is past his prime
This chapter has been deleted.
Abandoned Account 2
Fantasy · LordYang
This -> the there is no other woman, no need to specify
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Abandoned Account 2
Fantasy · LordYang
should it not be the other way around? the holographic woman disappears when Lanaery entered the room? cause at that time her job is done
This chapter has been deleted.
Abandoned Account 2
Fantasy · LordYang
"Lanaery was looking around when suddenly a ..." when instead of and gives your sentence a little passing of time so the reader knows she is looking around, the woman notices her and then approaches. Oddly describes something strange or unexpected. Her being a little scared because she could not sense someone's approach is not strange or unexpected behaviour, quite the opposite. also, feel is used in more of a vibe or well being way. so you feel sick or good or the rhythm of a song. so "she didn't really sense the woman approach her" would be an option, or "she got a little scared because she didn't notice the woman approaching her" also didn't really feel, did she or did she not, was is a small warning she got from her senses, was it very late? Didn't really is very bland and un explanatory.
This chapter has been deleted.
Abandoned Account 2
Fantasy · LordYang
"Welcome, which of the association's services do you want to choose?" "all" is not needed here, also little switch for a smother read
This chapter has been deleted.
Abandoned Account 2
Fantasy · LordYang
no need for the dot after "at most"
This chapter has been deleted.
Abandoned Account 2
Fantasy · LordYang
"it was a river" the river is singular here
This chapter has been deleted.
Abandoned Account 2
Fantasy · LordYang
boo, making enemies needlessly. taking pity revenge on someone that doesnt know their crime. At least its consistent with his charakter.
ch 117 Zapping the Berserkers
Vile Evil Hides Under The Veil
Fantasy · Grayback