geewintG

Thank you for taking the time to read however I would like to know what you found in the first few chapters that could be improved? Constructive feedback and criticisms would aid me a lot and are welcomed.

The first few chapters are interesting and has a lot going on, although it feels a little fast-paced. I like the first few bits with the characters since it talked a lot about what sort of person they are and what they stand for. I did struggle with the substitution of quotation marks with parentheses. And one more that the conversation with the Arash's sister was a bit off since it was all small talk, hence it sounded awkward in my head than it was in the story. The writing overall is fine and would recommend. Keep and the good work, author.

The story has potential. Armed with great world background and story progression, it will draw in readers, however, I did come across mishaps in the first few chapters. It includes the need of proper punctuation and was lacking spaces in areas, but it can be done with editing. Readers can try it out. Great job, author.

I've read the first few chapters and as far as I've observed, the writing is splendid. It is progressive in both world building and plot, and the character personality is distinct. You can come give it a try, I recommend.

The quality of writing is splendid, although there may be lacking of punctuations in dialogue sentences, it didn't very much hindered the creative flow of the story. The chapter one had a good transition of one event to another. The main character is quite unique as I've read in the first part. Overall, it's a good work.

The story itself is fine, however, I've come across multiple grammatical mistakes. The dialogue tags needs more work as well as the descriptions to create more in-depth connection to the reader. There are at times where punctuations are lacking. I've come across in chapter 2 where the dialogue is in all caps, I don't know whether they were shouting or just a distinction from the narration. Despite this, the story flow is nice and has some plot advancement in the first few parts. Keep up the good work.

The prologue is interesting. If I'm really into romance like I was years ago, I would have definitely read this all the way. Gangsters and fights, it seems to be the main theme. The writing although neat, may need a little more creativity mostly with the dialogue tags. But overall, it was good. The constant switching of POV's gives plenty of action and perspective, however, it's all too much for a reader who doesn't know them well yet and may confuse them to others. Sticking to one would be better to let the reader settle in first before switching to other characters. Plot is interesting and the characters as well, have mysterious backgrounds. Keep up the good work.

Reaching up to the third chapter, the world building and plot seems to be interesting, however, the narration lacks a great deal of descriptive-ness. Try learning more about descriptive writing for more authenticity and in-depth narration. It would help readers dive deeply to more of your world-building and plot, as well as handling emotions. Moreover, I noticed a few parts when shifting to a different perspective, you used third person. The point of view needs to be consistent. If it's first person then it needs to be like that all the way. If you want to shift POV's and tell the reader, you could put it above the narration in bold letters so they wouldn't be confused.

The opening first chapter might have delved in too deep into philosophy and was too long since some readers would just look at the first paragraph and decide whether it was worth it or not. However, it was followed by a comedic line that would have explained why which is good. Understandably, it is part of the narrative but there are ways to shorten this and still grab the readers attention. With the following chapter, I like how they utilize the surroundings as to reveal a bits of their past with upfront saying it to the readers. Which is the stoplight scene. Now that is creative. There are some parts in writing, however, that sounded unnatural because of the overly used simile. Moving on from these things, overall the writing is spectacular and neat. The author did a good job. Keep up the good performance.