- 0 d Continuous Writing
- 1.3 h of Reading
- 56 Read books
JA_Chrysant
LV 2A hobbyist, a gamer (mobile, console, pc just bring it on baby), otaku, weabo, and vtuber simp.
2020-10-20 Joined IndonesiaBadges 5
Moments 372
Wow, this sentence is too long. Please make it there sentences or more, it's easy to read that way
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Save the Last Bullet for me
Sci-fi · MOSS3000
The writing is good, but the logic really bothers me haha.
ch 0 2 Late
The Fallen Rise
Fantasy · Yasmina_Iro
Oh no, the MC is too strong emotionally. I think it might not be my cup of tea...
ch 0 1 Deadly desires
TILL I DIE IVY
Urban · Jovialjune
Wow so long, please make it two or three sentences, it helps the reader
I slowly adjusted myself, as I frighteningly sat down with my heart racing, still trying to catch my breath, before my guarded eyes quickly drifted away, fixing it gaze on a dark silhouette that stood towards the entrance of the room..
TILL I DIE IVY
Urban · Jovialjune
Wait, whaaaatt? I find it hard to believe the logic here. They were hostile but then begged Raizel help? Why?
ch 0 4 WHERE IT HURTS THE MOST
Hydrax Legacy
Sci-fi · SYED_ASAD
Typo, do not use ' for a dialogue, but "
'You'll make a good test subject. Once we hand you over and get back to retrieve the coffin… we might just be free from this accursed job', Rubia hugged Ming Yue in joy.
Hydrax Legacy
Sci-fi · SYED_ASAD
What a mood swing haha
Rubia's temper flared and she snapped back, "Shut it!" as she lunged at Raizel.
Hydrax Legacy
Sci-fi · SYED_ASAD
Ups, you're using too much as if. Maybe use another phrase? Or simplify the paragraph?
As if in response to the growing chaos, a bolt of lightning struck the coffin with a deafening crack, illuminating the room with an intense, blinding light. The coffin rose slowly into the air, spinning wildly as if it were trying to break free from its confines.
Hydrax Legacy
Sci-fi · SYED_ASAD
Oh no death flag fufufu
Looking up at the starry night sky, 95 mused, "Starting a family would be the first thing on my list. I've always longed to experience the joys of being a husband and a father. And rest assured, I'll be the best dad there ever was. Unlike you, 23, who always wears a perpetual scowl on his face."
Hydrax Legacy
Sci-fi · SYED_ASAD
Wow, that's a nice world building you got there. Hey, would it be better if the organization objective remained a mystery?
ch 0 1 PEACE AND REVOLT
Hydrax Legacy
Sci-fi · SYED_ASAD
Soldiered on? Wow, that's an uncommon word, still you can use it, but there is a better choice like pressed on or continued on etc
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Hydrax Legacy
Sci-fi · SYED_ASAD
oh no, broke up the paragraph or shorten it 😊
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Presley
Eastern · Elementary519
Yess, I finally understand as I read the next chapter.
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Poison Master: The Estranged Heiress
Fantasy · PEARL_WANG
Well, unless she said something long, I think you don't have to separate her sentence in a dialogue. (The main reason is... it's a waste of space if you plan to print it hahaha)
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Poison Master: The Estranged Heiress
Fantasy · PEARL_WANG
Ah, I see. Now that makes some sense!
ch 0 1 Drowning
The Fallen Rise
Fantasy · Yasmina_Iro