I suspected it was that- I usually go by 'tsk' or 'tsked' but this is a new glimmer of knowledge.
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Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
Oh! I see. On that note, it's understandable as that is what I was trying to attempt with my novel as well. i'm not a fan of infodumping--but on that note, have you thought of perhaps dropping hints here and there? not necessarily revealing everything but foreshadowing. If you've thought about it then understandable! I hope things go well on your end. [img=recommend]
ch 0 1 Chapter One - The Unscrupulous system
Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
AHHH! LOVE THE MINDSET.
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Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
MUST BE PROTECTED.
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Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
Aria is doing so well! And those terrible bullies deserve worst for hurting sweet Min!
ch 0 6 Chapter 6 - Coffee and Honey
Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
Again, I most certainly loved this chapter!
ch 0 2 Chapter Two - First world
Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
?
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Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
Love Aria so much---
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Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
I sincerely love the start. These kinds of novels are my absolute favorite especially when the female lead catches on quick against a scrupulous system. There were a few misplaced punctuation, but the grammar here is absolutely superb. would like to note that the start feels very well, but i feel as if a lot more description could be added regarding the female lead's expression, and thoughts.However, their actions reflect this well enough creating a vivid effect. Though, adding a few details wouldn't be so bad. It's a little confusing in the part of her death, what happened, and how some part of her reasoning isn't explained further. i suppose you might be trying for a third person, omniscient?
ch 0 1 Chapter One - The Unscrupulous system
Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
exactly, don't be mean system 馃槅
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Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
the apostrophe at the end of this paragraph doesn't coordinate with the rest as it seems this is not the end of what the system has to say.
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Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
"The smugness radiating from the ball feels tangible >> , << as it rests on her shoulder." the comma is unnecessary.
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Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
*whether
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Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
i think the comma here is unnecessary. "but a slow, thundering, beat echoes >> , << within, and beyond..."
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Fantasy 路 Below_the_current
it's an interesting start, albeit, feels a lot like a portfolio.
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Fantasy 路 Noleafyet
"Like a robot, she immediately switched >> off << the smile >> off << her face and >> plonk << herself down on her office chair." *the 'off' is repetitive. I suggest rewriting this sentence. For ex. "Like a robot, she immediately switched the smile off her face..." and other examples. *i believe the 'plonk' is of the wrong tense and should be 'plonked'.
Unknowingly Lost
Fantasy 路 Nekonigiri001