Webnovel Author: Chaddts - Fanfic&Novel Collection

Haha, no, thats a writing skip.

Way, wag too much telling, and not enough showing. For instance you said the z fighters introduced themselves, vs actually writing the introductions. The difference between telling vs showing is like a Summary vs a scene. You need to write the scene, not a Summary of what happened during the scene.

Terrible, all telling, and no showing.

Bad translation. Also why does Dumbledore call himself a wizard to a muggle?

Kind of a let down after last chapter.

Ehh I saw it coming a long time ago, far too cliche. I know you did it justbto don't it, but Morrigan would have been more expected.

The fact he even mentions his race is concerning.

This chapter makes no sense. Where did Phil go? They were having a conversation and it just stopped? Sp weird.

Robot translation.

Luna, idc, if he is in her brother body lol. She best girl.

One the best works ever posted here in web nove. Keep it up!

Too many weird issues. For instance Martha SMELLED the crash. How can you smell a crash?

you cant even get the names correct, its Lucifuge, Not Luci-fudge. beyond that, the intro was so boring. Why are you telling us, instead of showing us? the very first chapter and its a bad, poorly written infodump...

classic case of too much telling and not enough showing. nothing about the story feels organic. Just a rush of meaningless "He did this", "He did that". The first mission was incredibly poorly written. you didnt show us what he did, instead you told us in the most boring way possible, and then timeskipped without building any kind of personlity or relationships with any of the characters.

a little too "out there" for a harry potter fanfic.

Too much telling not enough showing. Dialog is entirely missing, why are you recapping conversations instead of showing us the conversation?

I truly don't like the world of Harry Potter changing without his influence. You can add stuff ee didn't see, flesh the world out etc, you can even change the story to include his existence, but nothing else. It feels too contrived to change things out of that scope. You could do anything, no matter how wacky. You also messed a bit already. Prophecy's and riddles of the future are fine, but what you have done is moe rhe characters in the world more like N.P.C'S. Fate and Destiny are terrible plot devices. Up there with amnesia, and the orphan trope in the cliche department. Free will needs to be the centerpiece of any story. This makes the characters real, therfore making the world feel real.