This is the first time since I started reading fanfic that I've seen this. the chapter is very rushed, the date does not fit the description of 200 before the canon Bleach event, 400 years, double that, well it didn't matter the aged hollows too. on the other hand become a hollow at the age of 3? the death of the mc who dies in a cliché way too short with this girlfriend? and the temporalities for those who grow in age plus the time which is in hueco mundo are too rushed for chapter 1. in short it begins in a strange way without us understanding what kind of people and the mc with a massive acceleration of death, revive, remort with corruption, hueco mundo then evolution into gillians in the last line? too short for all at once. my advice, take the time to develop the mc, add moments in his first which motivate him in bleach of the how, the reason, the why, these relationships before on the family, professional side. then take the time for ideas for your story without doing 50 things in the same chapter, unless you do long chapters which go at least 6,000 to 10,000 on average you risk losing readers for some who will be confused throughout the chapter because even without a spelling error I had the impression of reading stuck together from different pages which do not belong to the same chapter (my impression in any case was disturbing). to finish you set how many words per chapter you intend to do for ease at the same time you are your future readers who have become accustomed to your rhythms, it is talking about the temporalities from the beginning to the end by specifying above days, months, years etc. this way your readers will be able to spot it more easily in terms of the time that has passed than when I saw the first since its holofication I do you know if it was 10 or 150 years that have passed in the last paragraph. that's all I had to say, keeping the advice to put into practice, it's up to you to see if it helps you or not in all cases, nothing obliges you, you can very well learn in your own way in your conditions. The most important thing is that you write your way, and if these tips have helped you, so much the better, get your stories off to a good start and keep up the fun. yours
ch 0 1 Chapter 1: Rebirth and Redeath
Anime & Comics · DaoistFKDsQT
he sowed chaos and committed mass extermination and earned rewards quite useful in case of death situations. but with all these bandits who did not feel fear, despair, anguish in short very negative emotions, and yet not a single grimm was attracted? I admit I don't understand, human habitations outside the four kingdoms of Remnant appear and disappear regularly when they don't have grimms as a major problem. 5
ch 0 8 chapter 8 End prologue
Video Games · DlinkerNovel
he would have made "Jack the Ripper" proud with his easy free 10 carnage
ch 0 7 chapter 7 Montage
Video Games · DlinkerNovel
two weeks to prepare this? heh well the bandits must not be in a hurry since time. 8
ch 0 6 chapter 6 oh! it's something more...
Video Games · DlinkerNovel
7
ch 0 5 Chapter 5 simple? or more?
Video Games · DlinkerNovel
Welcome back to you and thank you for the chapter
ch 0 1 Chapter: 1 New Life
Anime & Comics · EchoingDusk
Great chapter! But I have a question, so far how many different genetic heritages are there coming from the primarchs and if there will also be the one belonging to the traitors. Where when they come out of the new world, will there be Space Marine Primaris in Blacksouls?
ch 144 Legiones Astartes Battlefleet: Blacksouls
Video Games · ElJonson
10 yay
8
Will the new Happy be stronger than his canon monologue? Will he ever be able to transform like Carla into humanoid form?
This book has been deleted.
He will have to be careful with the number of words that use it, especially the ones that are much more dangerous than this one. Or limit this use to the strongest monsters and the number of a horde
Jumping from around the corner, five of them approached the young man who stood silently, unmoving like a statue. Coming closer, they saw that his eyes were wide open, his hands trembled, but his mouth hadn't moved. It seemed that he was in shock—shocked at taking the life of another human just like him. Talos couldn't process a thought, yet he stared at the adventurers who were barely alive at this point.
Book&Literature · Rtanj
The chapter is quite long and in some interactions you should add the moment when the MC goes from one point to another when there is a time passing because otherwise it gives the impression that you are in a hurry. And there's also the fact that it's small, its grimoire... Really small, I wonder if he would be the only one who can read it or if he will be forced to buy a magic tool would only allow other person to read lol. But apart from that, it's a good and long introduction, I wonder how will be the next chapter
ch 0 1 Chapter 1
Anime & Comics · Connor_Ryals
Wait, it's less than 2 years old chronologically speaking. He exterminated everyone, including his mother at 2 years old?
This book has been deleted.
And of course probably better to do a slight AU to add, while you're at it there are a lot of ideas that could work
"Asta, pleasure meeting you, Susaki!" Asta mispronounced his name, causing Suzaku to sigh
Anime & Comics · Darkened007
In fact, they're both 15 years old and to see it's been... Weird
"I'm gonna become the wizard king!"
Anime & Comics · Darkened007
Never underestimate the little princess, she could freeze you alive
Ledior and Lilliane were frozen in disbelief, struggling to catch their breaths. They were astounded, pondering how a person of such youth could possess such tremendous power.
Anime & Comics · Blahblah_98
Brutal indeed, both his first and current life.
ch 0 3 chapter 3: going through memories.
The hidden Secrets (Rwby fanfic)
Anime & Comics · Ed_bear