suka dengan misteri dan selalu haus akan keingintahuan. tidak mau di anggap senior karena kemampuan menulisku berasal dari salah satu dari 7 hobi.
2021-03-20 Joined Indonesia
interesting intro. This is good because it makes me curious.
ch 0 1 Beginning of the End
Fantasy · Hashi_010
i like this chapter
ch 0 6 Chapter_6: Lady's Orders
Fantasy · FriedrichFriedrice
An interesting start and made me curious.
ch 0 1 Chapter 1: Long Night
Fantasy · FriedrichFriedrice
I think I've heard the name (kopi luwak) in the English version. But I don't think I need to discuss that. 🤭
"It's Kopi Luwak coffee. If lil bro didn't like it, I would have given you another chop." Jacob said while gesturing a chopping motion.
Fantasy · SomeGuy1234
Slight error. but the story can still be enjoyed..
- I need to say it? What price has a kingdom that does not know a whole night, nor the end of the day?
Fantasy · XZEROOSCUROX
interesting story.Even though it takes more practice to adjust the dialogue and the aftermath, the storyline is good and made me curious. 😊✨️
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Don't forget to pause or separate the dialogue before going to the zane part. However, maybe it's not necessary because it's the beginning of the chapter.
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Try changing the period to a comma from the words "Well, nowadays"
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Try to provide enter after the dialogue. So that the initial self-introduction doesn't sound quite strange. Because if it's like this, it will be thought that someone outside started the story. not focus on the main character.
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You forgot to separate paragraphs and dialogue. And remember, question marks and exclamation marks are important in writing dialogue.
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Fantasy · Hashi_010
interesting story. While I was reading, I felt like I had entered the world of the "Halo" series. Good start, although quite complicated. I hope that in the next chapter or in other chapters, you will add an unexpected scene, or a scene that can make readers curious. Sometimes, sci-fi has the impression of a quite complicated mystery. Depends on the writing.
--reuploaded--
Sci-fi · Hesreth