Webnovel Author: Bummer - Novel Collection

Good observation. I hope these comments aren't degrading or demotivating you. You have an interesting concept and potentially good characters. Some practice and some refinement is keen onto making your story, and even writing in itself, so much better. You got this, though. Don't worry.

Okay... I'm not sure if I can that things have improved. It's definitely something. Something I'm noticing is that the chapters are relatively short. I know the author is defining the chapters' meanings (case files and regular cases) but even then, the pacing and length of these chapters leave much to be desired. Now, I appreciate the growing dynamic between Ace and Ruben. It's nice. I just kinda wish there were more scenes to show that growth. The encounters with the car, the truck, the main hall, and the house aren't enough to demonstrate a growth in their relationship, considering that most of it had them in a annoyed-playful kinship (and, again, were relatively short). Also, the characters themselves are significantly changing at times. Ruben acts now less arrogantly and more considerate towards Ace and Ace loses the calculated touch of her character until the reminder of her personality by the end. While I could say the growth is nice since it adds a layer of depth to the characters, it isn't enough, nor justified from the dearth of events happening. Additionally, not much was added to the plot outside of the end, which honestly spiked my interest for the next chapter. All in all, I could say there's some improvement considering the character's new dynamic and interesting direction. But the thin foundation of it, both gramatically and thematically, isn't really helping anything with it.

Okay, interesting. I like the direction this is heading, especially with the end and the description of the monster. But at the same time... What? First of all, some of the details of the plot and the case itself is confusing. Secondly, I know I said the writing can get better, considering it's only the beginning. But, in its current state, it kind of hinders my reading experience. Third, conversations are weird. Things are phrased in a weird manner (outside of story beats), inner dialogue (and even some characters' timing of sppech) isn't properly defined. And the conversations themselves are relatively short (although this is my personal opinion). I could say more but I don't think point any more problems that just lack of depth and short and confusing dialogue. I will specifically comment on paragraphs to help convey the criticisms better. However, as it stands, it still has potential and an intriguing narrative. It's just a bunch of things in between that's a little rattled.

Hmmm... Seems promising but I'm not quite sure how to feel about the story. The idea of a town having an unstable continuity (or people remembering/forgetting things everyone else knows/doesn't know about) seems pretty cool but I wasn't fully pulled into it due to it being slightly confusing and not fully developed. I recommend describing verbal signs (like describing twitches, sudden movements, stutters, etc) to display those shifts in continuity/knowledge. The writing is also unstable as, for me, it got worse as the chapter progressed. However, it's not that bad. The potential is there, no doubt. But it feels like there's still work to be done. Still, only the prologue so it can still be good. Decent intro.

Thanks.