For Hope's hair description. You can say *...ruby red...* *...fire red...* *...burning amber...* *...crimson...* *...blood red...*
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Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos
*Startled* would not really fit here. trying using *In a frenzy*, *Flustered*, *Anxiously/Anxious*
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Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos
To describe Tom's hair, you can say. *...rested Tom. A boy with golden hair who...* Or *...rested Tom. A boy with sun-kissed hair who...*
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Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos
*Hope woke up, thinking about the dream she had. A dream of danger, of kidnappings, and of brutal beatings. All of which was nothing new in her day-to-day life.* These are just suggestions. You don't need to listen to them!
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Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos
Trade *were* with *was*.
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Eastern · Simp_Chaos
Scrap *other*. Trade *walked* with *traveled*.
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Eastern · Simp_Chaos
You have another run-on sentence here. *The very concept of time should not exist here, but for some reason, I can...*
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Eastern · Simp_Chaos
This whole paragraph is a little iffy to read. You have a run-on sentence in the first half of it, and the rest has a bit of incorrect grammar. The concept in it is interesting though!
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Eastern · Simp_Chaos
*I assumed that she would had killed me by now, since she fully knew that I would become a massive thorn for her if she were to let me go this time.* These are just suggestions btw. You don't need to listen to them =)!
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Eastern · Simp_Chaos
*I assumed*
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Eastern · Simp_Chaos
This is really interesting! I always love a good system styled novel, and this one is definitely good! The story is comprehensive and the system itself is different from what I usually read. Great job and keep up the good work!
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Yup, and it's alright! I'm just glad that you remembered in the end, so thank you!
Hemmingston
Teen · Nakasuka