Webnovel Author: Nakasuka - Novel Collection

Nakasuka

LV 11
2021-05-15 Joined United States

Badges 6

Moments 42

Nakasuka
Nakasuka
Nakasuka
Commented

For Hope's hair description. You can say *...ruby red...* *...fire red...* *...burning amber...* *...crimson...* *...blood red...*

This chapter has been deleted.
Hope 7

Hope 7

Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos

Nakasuka
Commented

*Grabbed*

This chapter has been deleted.
Hope 7

Hope 7

Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos

Nakasuka
Commented

*Startled* would not really fit here. trying using *In a frenzy*, *Flustered*, *Anxiously/Anxious*

This chapter has been deleted.
Hope 7

Hope 7

Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos

Nakasuka
Replied to Nakasuka

To describe Tom's hair, you can say. *...rested Tom. A boy with golden hair who...* Or *...rested Tom. A boy with sun-kissed hair who...*

This chapter has been deleted.
Hope 7

Hope 7

Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos

Nakasuka
Commented

*Hope woke up, thinking about the dream she had. A dream of danger, of kidnappings, and of brutal beatings. All of which was nothing new in her day-to-day life.* These are just suggestions. You don't need to listen to them!

This chapter has been deleted.
Hope 7

Hope 7

Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos

Nakasuka
Nakasuka
Nakasuka
Nakasuka
Replied to Nakasuka

Trade *were* with *was*.

Nakasuka
Commented

Scrap *other*. Trade *walked* with *traveled*.

Nakasuka
Commented

You have another run-on sentence here. *The very concept of time should not exist here, but for some reason, I can...*

Nakasuka
Commented

This whole paragraph is a little iffy to read. You have a run-on sentence in the first half of it, and the rest has a bit of incorrect grammar. The concept in it is interesting though!

Nakasuka
Replied to Nakasuka

*I assumed that she would had killed me by now, since she fully knew that I would become a massive thorn for her if she were to let me go this time.* These are just suggestions btw. You don't need to listen to them =)!

Nakasuka
Commented

*I assumed*

Nakasuka
Nakasuka
Nakasuka
Nakasuka
Posted

This is really interesting! I always love a good system styled novel, and this one is definitely good! The story is comprehensive and the system itself is different from what I usually read. Great job and keep up the good work!

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