GeneralDeFartos_L - Profile

Haha, I admit I went overboard about the characters changing, I just thought it was too fast of a change from a reader pov, while for them, they experienced the changes. So I just wanted more interactions of them in the process of changing. example: arrogant sadistic guy not caring about anyone except fiance > same guy but shows positive emotions and care > same guy now acting on his emotions and getting closer to others > same guy but now he's a meathead and puppy You skipped the middle parts of the changes. Anyway, I really enjoyed your novel, despite being new to writing, you honestly just captured what people want to see in a story. You have all the elements to making a great story here. You improved overtime and the story got better. Now you could just get better at world building and you'd be one of the top authors.

I must add the I really love the story despite it's minor shortcomings. I just wanted to complain a bit there. Anyway, great story, just ease up a bit author on the enemies, that's just too many enemies and too much trouble. If you want MC to build up his influence, there's no need to have so many problems just to force him. He's mafia, he could grow in the dark and build strength, I should add that he's still 14, meaning in his first year as a mafia don, there are now a lot of enemies there to mess things up. By how good the story is, I believe you author have a plan and vision for the story, but I just can't help but complain a bit to get it off my chest. After reading this novel, now I'm a big fan of yours author.

I'm impressed. Such high quality work. Awesome world building, everything is so detailed and has it's purpose. Author made a new world with magic and it's power scaling and political system with prominent groups and clear law and order. Great job author, This novel has one of the best world building settings and execution on WebNovel. There are no over the top information dumps, author gets an opportunity to explain something and he explains it and moves on. You don't get a massive world lore dumped into your face out of nowhere without reason. I love MC and his mafiaso values. I love the way he's surviving in this world through mafia, it's so relevant to this world and doesn't feel out of place. MC is steadfast and sticks to his word, he's what you'd expect from a former mafia member. I loved the characters around him and their interactions, even though I would have loved seeing more of lil sis. Everything that happens in this story is logical and follows a process, you don't feel the interactions weird nor do you think the power dynamics out of place. Author did his research, MC is not a hothead boi, when confronted by a powerful opponent, he knows when to compromise and how to deal with it, when given the opportunity to turn a foe into ally, he takes the deal. However, MC has his principal and bottom lines, he won't let go of things that touched his bottom line, even if the other side was a super hottie girl (finally! a character that doesn't go against his principals just cuz the other side is a woman, unlike all other MCs from harem novels), I finally found a rational MC that doesn't let threats slide and doesn't accept what happened just cuz the other side is a woman. Thank you author. This MC here got approached the wrong way by a woman as she lowkey threatened him into doing something, even though she helps and provided him with support later on, our MC still doesn't trust her cuz of that first meeting, which is very logical and rational. Again, Thank you author. ------- Now onto what I didn't particularly like or found problems with, these are my personal opinion: - Author uses the long form of sentence composition, that it makes sentences harder to read and follow and I have to reread.Maybe it's cuz author is not a native English speaker and his native language influences his writing. Example: his men didn't like that, due to his position, as one might think, as he has more potential for future problems. This is an example not from novel but author writes like this a lot. Author could just change the order and have it make more sense instead of complicating it like this. - Another problem is how long winded and how much author writes. While I like the world building, having to read so much when it could've been shorter is just nasty. We read about MC surprising his sis and picking her up, then a long description and reasoning of things related to that, then we resume with MC putting sis down. Come on author, I want more heart warming wholesome interactions and conversation instead of a long ass description about something else. - And finally, my most hated problem here. Too many problems happen. Just too many problems. Author, just give the man some peace for a bit damnit. Some problems could've been avoided with rational thinking but that didn't happen. Examples below: SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER ------------------------------------------------- SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER - When MC gets visited by a local gang (scarlet), another gang general thinks he's now with them and attack him without consulting his leaders might I add, And MC demolished them, so far no problem. Problem comes with all the incidents after that, I understand that this gang has to maintain its image, by why the heck do they keep targeting MC and his group? when MC destroyed one of their outposts and stole them, they didn't know it was him and even suspected it was scarlet gang, but the irrational shit that happened is that they targeted MC like madmen with no reason, and every time there was trouble, they only focused on MC while ignoring every other group just cuz of that first problem, the f*ckers had the possibility of being attacked by scarlet or others but they focused on MC only for revenge, how is that rational? as if destroying him would solve all problems. - Another problem is when MC went to get his second pentagram, he met professors, and then after some chapters got a pentagram that they wanted, and then trouble happened and he saved them, but after all of that he just let them go with neither killing them nor having them sign an agreement or anything to make them shut up and not screw him up by tattling on him. But guess what, they did exactly that, and now he has extra trouble from the royal school, and also from the religious congregation there. Everyone now knows there's someone who's the first in history that achieved the impossible. All that could've been avoided, MC is so rational and smart at times but other times he just becomes stupid to further the plot with more enemies. - Another incident is when suddenly people from the religious congregation in his base of operation attacked him to steal from him. After incapacitating them, he left two and took one, only having a verbal threat and promise to stop them from implicating him, cuz he couldn't kill them all. but then later in the carriage he used tools and artifacts stolen before to imprison his hostage and prevent her from using mana. This doesn't make sense here, it's like a build up for more trouble. He could have just kidnapped them all, they were down, he could have used those tools on them. Or he could've used a deal and made them sign it. END OF SPOILERS. -------------------------------------------------

I will start with the good then the bad. ------------ Good: A very entertaining read. I enjoyed the story all the way. I would recommend anyone thinking of reading this to give it a try. I won't go too much into why it's good, just read other reviews for that. --------------- Bad: There are mainly 4 problems with this story: 1- Author had no vision for how the story would turn out and the process, only the concept/premise at the start was deliberate. This style of going impromptu and seeing where this goes without setting any short term goals nor long term goals for the story just makes it hollow. Author is following the whims of readers, If readers wanted skill he'll give skill. Problem here is that this causes plot holes and author has to add author notes to explain them and then along the chapters more plot holes appear and author again gives plausible explanations and we fall into a rabbit hole. Events or things that happened in past chapters aren't properly remembered in future chapters by auther. In future chapters when it's mentioned that this event happened, if you go back to that event then you find that it's wrong. Author didn't remember it right, so these future chapters will be built on a false memory. 2- Author thoughts and pauses to story throughout chapters. You can tell author is new to writing since author has to explain in brackets why things happen and gives info dumps regularly, author didn't set the rules of the world beforehand, so he comes up with plausible explanations for world rules or events as the story goes. Honestly it just takes me out of the immersion in the story. 3- Characters have bad character design. Only Lia and Riya stayed true to their design, but others not so. How? At the start, every character is shown with his personality clear, an arrogant guy, a narcissist guy, an emotionless guy, a sadistic guy, and so on. The problem comes when we progress in the story, without any gradual changes, they suddenly display weird characteristics and everyone acts as if they were like that from the start. and don't tell me that's love working its magic. Love influences but doesn't change the core personality of someone. especially when that love was there long before the changes, for example, A sadistic guy that's used to being at the top of the world with everyone respecting him like the king that didn't talk much suddenly is a meathead and acts like a puppy and doesn't mind others not respecting him, If it's gradual then I'd understand, but it happened in one chapter. Same goes for Liam, he was the quiet type and smart and calculating, but then suddenly he teases and says stuff only friends of years would say. It just feels author is making them all turn out to be that silly friend group with no prior indication, these changes happen suddenly. No character development. just some lines explain that, like "you've already told me that more than 50 times in our last few hangouts", the process of a character changing is important, but we don't get to see that. 4- Author forgot the purpose of this story, we rarely see MC as extra and the protagonist is left unlucky and forgotten. Now MC is a bonafide Protagonist, he's the center of the world, I don't mind that, but what I do mind is breaking the premise that the original protagonist has the heavens luck by his side but is trash, he's now rarely seen and when seen he's got nothing, no harem and no power. don't say MC stole his powers, protagonist has exp based system where he can power up without other cheats. 5- Author feels to me like a weeb that lived watching anime and is writing based on his knowledge from anime, so myth, facts, historical events, character traits and personalities are built upon the cliche from anime. Same is happening here, it feels like characters are based on fictional friend groups (like avengers) they joke around mid fight and are childish while they are mid fight, this only happens in anime or marvel movies to add comedy with light hearted banter. Romance just just feels skewed, all the relationships I see here are built on banter. Guy teases girl, girl gets mad but blush. While it's sweet and wholesome reading the scenes, it gets tiring when all relationships here are built on banter.

A clumsy attempt at writing a novel. Don't get me wrong, I liked the concept and I've been waiting for it to get more chapters before reading, but now that I've read about 50 chapters I'm just disappointed and dissatisfied. It has a unique interesting idea and throughout the story you can see what the author wanted to characters to be like. (Like how MC can do things impossible to do with qi cultivation or how a green haired mommy is a playful sugar mommy) The main problem with this story: 1- Exposition is not done properly. Author doesn't know what to give more information about and what to skip. Noah basically has no personality here while his previous body owner has a set personality, or how author kept using flashbacks at the start, or how we have no info on the Mage god Noah, or how we got too many useless info about irrelevant things. this is mainly cuz author doesn't know how to properly show us what he wants us to see. 2- Characters have messed up personalities. It feels like author just wants to add scenes he read in other works and wanted to have them attached to certain characters. (Noah is supposedly ruthless but acts kind to who he wants to. But here everytime he acts he's either flirty or teasing and when he has his moments it's not that cool, It just doesn't reflect an old man who's filled with wisdom.) (There's also mommy, she's supposedly mature, but she got over her sons death and gets blushing by Noah from day 1, there's no development, she's still getting over her loss, why would she feel a tingle in her heart just from some kindness? She's not naive, she's mature. So it doesn't make sense.) The relationship and feelings they feels towards each other just feel forced. 3- Author is dragging out what could be over and done long ago. He's adding new enemies just for the sake of it. A lot of elements here are pointless and don't add to the story. Dear author, think thoroughly before adding pointless drama and pointless info, would any of this be relevant after 30~60 chapters? I think not. It's just for added drama, but that just makes it as boring and cliche as other cultivation works.

Read till chapter 32. I'm disappointed and dissatisfied. I saved this story in my library since it first came out (only had about 15 chapters at the time). why? Because I liked the idea of a faithful power couple that are op with a nice dynamic. Now I finally figured it's time to read it, but I'm disappointed. MC is not even MCing, he's basically a sidekick and is boring, I'd love a twisted mc which was portrayed at the start but after 10 chapters he's pathetic. His decisions aren't that bright, and some events just made me want to quit. [Example spoiler: when he gets a free wish in the roulette, I thought he was gon ask for something long lasting that will be a cornerstone for his strength like a growth type skill or a useful talent, something like Regeneration or siphon or something, But no, he asks for a stupid one time use doll that takes a fatal injury in his place! stupid choice] Harem really made me not even want to read the story, cuz it took away the only reason I decided to save it in my library (power couple), but I gave it chance thinking that it will happen later on. But, it's only been a few chapters and I can tell that author is setting up mc to be together with mama Isabella. Seriously author? I believed you in your review that there's a reason, but now it just feels like you'll force a reason to make a harem possible. and her kid is always sleeping just to avoid having to deal with him? Finally, the plot is fast paced, but it feels like we're not going anywhere.

dropped at chapter 7

Author, don't delete this review because of low rating. (your work has major shortcomings, accept it) English bad. Writing is confusing. In each chapter there's paragraphs that feel out of place or not belonging there or simply not completed. Sentences inside paragraphs are not coherent, example: first sentence about relevant topic then some random unrelated info then goes back to the relevant topic. Also, author switches inner monologue format style often so it's confusing. the story is all over the place, pacing is bad, world setting not explained, characters not explored. Author, we can't read your mind. This story needs quality proofreading and a redo.

Update: I reached chapter 252 and now I'm dropping this story. Main problem is the romance. The relationship between mc and male lead is super forced + male lead is the type I hate. Male lead is the exact template of every other CEO type. All status and no personality. author, why force mc to like him? male lead gets angry when mc does certain things and gets jealous when mc doesn't give him attention, but when its looked at from mc's pov, he's just someone she was forced to marry, and she didn't care for him, all interactions between them were not positive, so by what right should the male lead get jealous or angry? and the worse part is that the mc is falling for him for no reason. Spoiler: the relationship between mc and elf lady is natural and was built step by step, I actually enjoy their interactions and wouldn't mind them getting into a relationship. But the male lead is just annoying, it feels like he's just here as a trophy (the big strong dominant baddie). MC is not weak, she doesn't need him nor was there any development between them, so why force their relationship into love? this is just stupid. and don't get me started on that scene where he gets jealous and uses a spell while she sleeps and he gets to do all kinds of stuff to her in her dream, just a huge red flag. and worse yet is that she blushes and likes it? that's just hella forced. by the way, the male lead does things like: - doesn't care about mc at the start - she does something and he goes "interesting, you caught my attention" - he stalks her after getting interested - gets jealous and petty over things he has no right to get jealous over - gives her a ring out of nowhere (as a sign of love) when there wasn't any development between them (simply delusional) I bet that in the later chapters he will see her naked or gets angry that she did something and then say "you tempted me, so bare the consequences" and then will rape her and she would develop more feelings for him.

Read till 130 and still going. I love the story so far. amazing characters and progress is good. I'll continue reading, but the ROMANCE I don't appreciate, if there's romance then add it in the tag, if not then we're good. I just sense that author wants to pair mc with crown prince, and every time there's a scene with crown prince I just cringe real hard. I don't and absolutely can't approve this relationship if it will ever happen. Crown prince is basically like every and any CEO in any manhua, stuck up with no personality and just money and status. I'd rather have mc in relationship with her dog rather than crown prince. Their interactions are not comedy, just cringe inducing.

Disclaimer: Just read till chapter 22. I gave it a chance and gave up, it was boring, the main problems: Author drags out the plot too much and writes every detail when it's redundant (author, just ask yourself this when writing, if the reader didn't read this paragraph or chapter, will it affect reading experience and plot progression?). Second problem is the story being overused (student otherworlders, save the world, overall plot progression) you didn't give me enough reason to stay with the story. Lastly, this just feels like a kiddo story, like it's directed at middle schoolers, shounen. Mainly because the characters are about 16 and the story portrayed them as adults (their thinking and choices and all that) the mc always thinks critically, Blondie leader, and others just act above their age. (Hallmark of shounen is making kiddos appear more than what they are.

I read till chapter 308. I gave the story enough chances to improve but I'm done. First is the writing, a lot of redundant information or paragraphs, example: two events with intertwined result happen at the same time and author covers one event first, which is all good, but author after finishing one side, he goes into detail about the other event. This brings me to the second point, too long and too slow, author takes chapters to cover events and repeats things a lot while the progression of the story is atrocious. MC and other characters are all right but they don't feel real, author just keeps repeating "his indifferent red eyes" that it just feels like author wants to force a characteristic to MC even though it's clear that he's indifferent, no need to reiterate a million times. Another point is how childish this story is, and I mean by that is the problems that occur are not thought through properly, it just feels like author got it on the spot and wrote it, which caused loopholes.

I'm hooked. I love it. Characters are great and story is smooth. I love the dynamic here. and best of all is no harem. just sweet Alicia is enough.

I'm impressed. my first impression was bad, but then i fell for the story. - From beginning to the start of the academy, is boring as stated in the cons below. - From the start of the academy and beyond it gets better, and you're only left with the character being dense and foolish (I didn't find fault with it). - From chapter 55 or so it gets better overall and character personality is clear and better, and everything picks up. Pros: - great writing quality, with direct and to the point writing style. - great story progression overall, after the first boring chapters I just binged through it all till chapter 290. - Characters are well written. - I liked the direction of the story and where it's heading. Cons: - First off, the first 10 or so chapters are beyond boring, as in the writing itself is boring. very limited interaction between characters and info is spoon-fed to us, (example, the relationship between mc and his master, i never felt the weight of their bond and thought mc didn't care, but later on it turns out he cares deeply). - Too direct and reveals are sudden with no build up. it happened many times where secrets are just suddenly revealed. [SPOILER EXAMPLE: the first direct reveal that i found underwhelming is when ivika revealed mc's secret just like that as if nothing happened, even if that scene was planned to be direct, I'd rather have a build up, cuz I hated ivika from this moment, but then i started to like her] - Long fights when it's not needed, or long arcs when it's not needed. this became apparent in the tournament arc, from chapter 300 to chapter 380 just for a tournament is crazy. It doesn't add anything to the story to have all that detail with each match detailed and having multiple chapters to cover each round, it felt like a filler. i skimmed through it. - MC should be calculative and cunning, and while i can see that but it's only shown when he's dealing with his harem. I don't see any noteworthy strategies when he dealt with anything outside his harem. he just plans like any normal mc.

A novel heavily inspired by The Author's Pov. The settings are almost the same. It's an enjoyable read at the start, I read till 200 and gave up. I'm dropping it. WRITING: it feels like autocorrect messed up words, also the punctuations are placed wrongly. Noteworthy examples that break me "where/were/we're" author never gets it right. Some sentences are unreadable. PLOT: author adds things and changes things mid story, lots of useless characters introduced that have no added value to story, plot changes and information changes cause plot holes(SPOILER: at the start mc gets knocked from using a move and Sabrina gets a reward which is his soul for saving him and she gets it for the reason that mc will get possessed by abyss but the original owner had him take over for the purpose of this not happening, so it's all on big plot hole at this point), confusing reveals (where author had to add a note to explain what's going on separately). MC never actively trained to level up since entering the academy, and it's getting on my nerves, I understand the reasoning, but it's crap. It just feels like author forgot about it or didn't want MC OP all for extra drama. CHARACTERS: Traits given to characters are meaningless most of the time, example: MC is written as if he's a siscon, but from all the scenes with his sister it's clear that it's a mediocre relationship. Other characters were introduced as important but don't add value to the story and are one dimensional (I just can't care about them).MC: I like the mystery of MC, I just don't like the inconsistent personality (I know why it changes, but it felt as if the author just wanted a fun mc suddenly, or other times wanted a stoic mc, and so he added a reason for it). Fights: MC just uses spear when he should be super mana prodigy. big minus.

I only read about 30 chapters. The characters are unique not one dimensional, I like the dynamic between the family. The story itself is smooth and not forced, it feels natural. The writing is easy to follow with no over the top expressions, which I like. I really loved this story for being unique and done with quality. BUT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT. It's that the points keep being repeated and there's redundant info being repeated. Really the repeating is too much, it goes on for 4 paragraphs just to deliver a point, when it was clear from the first paragraph. Chapters sometimes feel redundant because nothing of note happened because of how much a point is repeated, a whole chapter could be reduce to just 3 paragraphs. If this problem is solved then this story is golden. Don't fall into the word count trap author, maintain quality and don't consider your readers idiots, they can understand what you mean from the first time it's mentioned.

Please no harem, faithful mc is best. i don't mind him having supreme dad mindset and treating all girls as daughters, just no harem please.