Webnovel Author: Shatterstream - Novel Collection

Update please?:)

What I imagine Cleyera looks like

Here’s Silver:)

What I imagine Jun looks like

Like I said, your story brought me to this platform. So I really want to follow it and be impressed. You have the desire and the potential and you’re obviously passionate about your story. I’ll go through and find a paragraph to comment on that I can use to give you structure advice.

Also to answer your other question, yes! Dive into those 5 senses man!! I want to know what the Pokémon center smells like! I want to know that there are wild Pokémon calling in the distance, brisk wind on your face, the way the food tastes. The smell of arcanine’s fur when you bury your face in her. There’s such a thing as too much description. But if sprinkled in properly it will shine. For you being a good sport and be having faith in this story I’m going to un-drop and continue to give it a whirl. Also try reading your dialogue out loud to yourself. It sounds silly but it will let you know if the conversations are flowing or not!

This will be long. I dropped because 2 chapters ago I said I would wait a couple chapters and if it didn’t get better I would drop. So I waited a couple chapters and I dropped. This should have been your response the first go around. As the saying goes “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” To be honest your story came to me on my “Google stories” and the first chapter inspired me to download WEBNOVEL in the first place. So I’ve been rooting for you and this story. As I said, I like the premise of a reincarnated MC who’s the son of officer Jenny. I like how you focused on warmth between mother and son in the earlier stages. Some pointers I can give for character development: give each character a personal goal to focus on that sets them apart from the rest. This can look as simple as an internal struggle: ex. Rosa is the weakest of them, you could have built more on her self doubt. She had a brief conflict over it, you should have embellished on it. Take the opportunity to not be afraid of emotion. As humans we are littered with emotion, positive and negative. A secret is also a good way to build excitement and suspense. One of the 3 might discover something dreadful and keeps it from the others for their safety. Basically what I’m saying is they all need a specific struggle special to themselves. It will bring them to life Also don’t be afraid to copy paste your stuff onto grammarly or Microsoft word to help highlight spelling and grammar errors. Obvi ously there are a lot of words that aren’t real because it’s Pokémon but ignore those and look for real errors.

This is so well written. I can’t stop reading!!

You’ve certainly got a rise out of me. If you can’t take criticism you shouldn’t write. John is the only human character who has any form of personality. The grammar is terrible in this, the sentence structure is painful, paragraphing sucks, tons of spelling mistakes, it’s called proofreading. The story is going nowhere. There’s nothing big to look forwards to. The harem scenes are forced and written by what appears to be a virgin hand. MC trains to be a Pokémon master (where have I heard this before?) falls in love with his childhood friends. Multiple people have dialogue within the same paragraph… you can’t do that. Idk who’s actually talking most of the time. Most of the dialogue is unnecessary or makes zero sense. I can continue if you would like. Otherwise good luck. I hope your story comes together one day

I did. I can’t force myself through 100 chapters that are like this. A gym leader forfeiting?? If you were too lazy to write the fight scene you should have just skipped it. Good luck on your story.

Underwhelmed yet again. Dropped.

Fantastic grammar and beautifully written! Just started this and I can’t wait to keep going!!

Sorry Author but I have to say this to help you. I’ve been following this story for the premise. But the plot is really weak. MC is doing the same thing everyone else in the story is. Traveling to be a Pokémon master, battling, etc. Yeah he’s somewhat OP and Jenny’s son but what goal does he have that sets him aside from the other characters. Hilda and Rosa have no real personality. Both their characters talk the same and do very similar things. Say things at the same time etc. I Know I commented about grammar the last chapter. But I’ve been holding my tongue for over 20 chapters and I can’t anymore. I don’t see this going somewhere if you don’t make some changes to make your characters or plot stand out. I’m sorry. I’ll stick around for a couple more chapters and see if you’ve been enlightened.