I'm really only kind of handsome...
2022-06-18 Joined South Africa
Fatty Wan can't cultivate, pretty much. Neither can Jin, for different reasons. You'll have to read on to learn more.
ch 0 8 The Weight Of A Knife
Eastern · HandsomeWriter
Awakening Realm Partial Aspect Realm Full Aspect Realm Transcendent Realm Evolution/Rebirth Realm I want to avoid infodumping if I can. All will be revealed- and soon- through the next 5 chapters or so.
ch 0 5 Chapter #5
Fantasy · HandsomeWriter
The dialogue is good, as is the train of thought. I especially liked the rumination on marketing strategy. The scene descriptions could be improved on. It was hard to get a feel for the location, it felt like everything was happening in a black box. The story seems to start at the end of a love story, not the beginning which removes a lot of the tension and interest that's so pivotal to a romance. Ahem. Not that I've read a lot of those. Again, I've only read the first chapter so it could be that another love interest enters the equation or there's a fall from heaven but right now there's little incentive for me to push forward and read on.
ch 0 1 CHAPTER I: MEETING THE DOU
Teen · KeyJaySea0620
... You don't go around doing this to every new release, do you?
ch 0 1 Chapter #1
Fantasy · HandsomeWriter
Your worldbuilding is good, your execution needs work. Dumping the backstory upfront only works if it's short and entertaining, most of the time it's best to mix it in as the plot unfolds. Your paragraphs are kind of blocky and difficult to read, varying paragraph length in your work makes it easier for your reader to work through. There are a few grammatical errors throughout- I highly recommend copy-pasting your chapter into the online Hemingway Editor [Completely Free] and following their tips before posting it on here. I can tell you've put a lot of effort into your work and that you have a lot of potential, that's why I'm being super honest. You'll grow faster that way. Keep going!
39 Myths
Sci-fi · VRW1