Webnovel Author: Koronoir - Fanfic&Novel Collection

Thanks <3

lol, you could at least be more... direct, I can read and know what to improve lmao.

So... i read up to 50 chapters and i need to say... It's a chinese novel, the author tries to say some BS like "it's my writting style" but considering his various mistakes that only a chinese person would do... He's chinese... As a chinese novel it has repeated sentences(like on the same phrase...) Logic: The inner voices thing right... you know at first you think the heroines can only hear if they are close, which is good but them was later shown that they can hear it at anytime from anywhere which can be good and bad, but in this case it opens some problems. 1. Some heroines would run to him for various reasons, but considering until chapter 50 there's only 2 plots imma only mention the ones on theses plots. 1a. Kuroka she would run to him or Issei after hearing about Koneko or even to find out. 1b. Nemesis, Darkness, Momo, Mikado, Tearju, Mea. would run to him, most cuz they would be interested and some for horny, and Darkness with killing intent cuz perverted stuff. and this problem will grow more and more considering the author might start add more and more works. Now about characters: All characters except mc/system aren't original and it isn't a problem but the way it was used kinda is, Rito and Kiba are also one of the heroines... at least their female version is. Issei and Rito are regressors and no problem with that... it can explain why their personality are different from the og work. Now about s*x scenes which is very important to it(it's the novel "selling" point after all) It starts from Bl*wjob(first Lala for a couple of hours in the bath and then Ria, Sona and Akeno after school in the student council room for a couple of hours too) very slowly then it goes straight to s*x and rape... (Lala was consensual and then Yui which was manipulated and forced to it). I won't say about how cringe it is... really... it's super duper cringe, the plot is that... All girls falls for mc pretty much instantly, like i know... to much trouble to develop it isn't it... no problem. Because the World is a mix of 2 or more plots with the addition of "Cards"(pretty stupid concept but it's a way to not develop any power at all) the world doesn't have much logic. The author writting... i hope the author isn't using google translate... but most likely he is... there's so many mistakes that only a non-english person would do(like me, i would do those mistakes sometimes) that happens a lot. In general as a artist i had some ideas to make the scene of Rias, Sona and Akeno on the council room, tho i made some changes might post on my pixiv in the future.