- 0 d Continuous Writing
- - h of Reading
- 16 Read books
taytjie
female LV 1I like to write.
2022-09-07 Joined South AfricaBadges 3
Moments 29
Thank you for reading
ch 23 Slaves (3)
Throwaway Villain
Fantasy · taytjie
thanks I'll fix it in a jiffy
This paragraph has been deleted.
Throwaway Villain
Fantasy · taytjie
Good chapter, Though you have a few grammar issues and tensing problems. you switch from past to present often while writing.
ch 0 2 Annoying Valentine Day
Delete and discontinued
Fantasy · Chocollacious
'Jessica cheered and immediately..' just an edit suggestion. also tense issue. 'cheers' is present while 'cheered' is past.
"All the secrets have been revealed. Now it's time for us to eat some delicious food!" cheers Jessica immediately opened the menu book and observed the food menu with a focus with her lover.
Delete and discontinued
Fantasy · Chocollacious
you switched genders again. it should be 'don't scold her anymore.'
"Come on, don't scold him anymore. The important thing is that you have me now," the man coaxed, stroking Jessica's head.
Delete and discontinued
Fantasy · Chocollacious
'that is true' <-- you're switching tenses here. you write mostly in past tense but 'is' is present tense. Check through your writing for 'is' 'has' 'will' and 'can' also 'isn't' 'wans't' 'hasn't' and 'can't' too. If you find them switch them to past tense so you can keep with the rythm of your story.
Eleanor thought for a moment while scratching her head in confusion. That is true. How could she forget that she wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day with her closest friends?
Delete and discontinued
Fantasy · Chocollacious
you have an issue with your pronouns. You're calling her a wife, saying she's a woman but then using male pronouns to indicate to her in your writing. there are a few moments of 'his' and 'him' being used when talking about the 'wife'
His hands were clenched tightly as if he wanted to slap the handsome young man's soft cheeks. However, this beautiful woman's delicate hands did not have the heart to slap the young man because on the other hand, he felt sorry for him too. Coarse air was exhaled from his mouth cavity in resignation. Seconds passed. The forced proposal had already lasted for almost five minutes, but this young woman would certainly not be easy to give that answer that could affect her future life.
Delete and discontinued
Fantasy · Chocollacious
Thank you so much for your review and kind words
Thanks for reading! next chapter will be up soon.
ch 22 Slaves (2)
Throwaway Villain
Fantasy · taytjie
ooooh I smell drama coming
ch 10 A curious stranger
The Rain Gave Me Love
Teen · Samantha_R_Samuel
Aw man, you don't say stuff ike that to a child. What a terrible woman
ch 0 5 Whose fault, was it?
The Rain Gave Me Love
Teen · Samantha_R_Samuel
A great start and some beautiful writing.
ch 0 1 What happened in 1967?
The Rain Gave Me Love
Teen · Samantha_R_Samuel
It is an interesting read, the world is fascinating and the characters are fun to read about. There's a bit of a style issue with writing but an easy fix and doesn't take away from the story.
This book has been deleted.
Thank you for all your comments! it really made my day.
ch 18 The spirit festival (1)
Throwaway Villain
Fantasy · taytjie
Thank you for reading
ch 23 Slaves (3)
Throwaway Villain
Fantasy · taytjie