Webnovel Author: KyashiiFurukawa - Novel Collection

Thank you!

Your first chapter really did its job of hooking readers to reading your novel. I love the plot, it's exciting. And I like how though it's a historical fantasy, it isn't that hard to relate with the characters because they are somehow relatable. (Note: I just assumed the historical part cause it has kings. I didn't really looked at the tags hehe). One thing I think was a bummer though, was the meeting between Seth and Melody. Though Melody did say that he had dreamt of a cute boy. The dream was talked about so abruptly, that it didn't cause that much impact. So, when Seth and Melody finally met in the second chapter, my heart did not flutter even for a bit. Which is why I said it's a bummer, cause as far as chapter one, it was already making my feel this exhilarating feeling, that makes me want to go further. Another point that I noticed is the switches in Point of View. Switching between one point of view to another is a very very hard thing to do. It's not like your just switching from one camera angle to another to give viewers a better perspective. When you switch POVs you have to switch from writing using this person's way of talking, gestures and voice, to another person's way of talking gestures and voice. I must say, you failed on that part. There is no distinction between Seth, Melody and the rest of the people's POV. At one point I even forgot that I was reading from Melody's perspective, because there isn't any distinction from hers and Seth's voice at all. If I may be so bold to suggest, I think you should not switch POV's in between chapters. Instead, dedicate a chapter to one character. That may help you a bit with creating distinction between the characters. I think too much switches in one chapter is not cutting it for you. If I may even be bolder to share, you can use Rick Riordan's book, The Kane Chronicles as a reference. When you read his book you'll understand what I'm talking about. Lastly, in a dialogue, a punctuation should be placed before the end quotation, not after.

Author here! I would just like to say thank you, if ever you came across this book and you gave it a chance to be read. Also, it would be very helpful if you can give it an honest review. Your review will bring great help in my growth as a writer. So may you help me grow 🙇. Thank you once again!

Thank you so much for this 🥺

Highly recommending this book for people who loves historical fiction ❤️❤️