You forget to capitalize 'the'.
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SCORCHING BLACK VULTURE
Sci-fi · MansonFD7
I suggest you include a footnote about this word. What sound does it pertain?
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SCORCHING BLACK VULTURE
Sci-fi · MansonFD7
"SOMEBODY HELP MEEEE!"
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SCORCHING BLACK VULTURE
Sci-fi · MansonFD7
"Don't mention it. I'm just 'carrying' out my job...."
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SCORCHING BLACK VULTURE
Sci-fi · MansonFD7
Using asterisk in conveying or demonstrating emotion, gesture or exclamation is done in informal writing. Unless you have a footnote or you want to censor a word, I suggest you refrain the use of this symbol in your book in this case. Why not use quotation marks instead? Don't forget the exclamation mark at the end of BRAAP and on JSLOSH. Each 'seemingly' onomatopoeic term denotes a loud sound.
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SCORCHING BLACK VULTURE
Sci-fi · MansonFD7
...damage that Palkeros had done. Palkeros performed the damage. It should be in active verb as opposed to 'Palkeros had been done', which would question its validity of doing the damage or if the monster finished doing the damage.
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SCORCHING BLACK VULTURE
Sci-fi · MansonFD7
I think this book is not for you. You have been reading two chapters for more than ten days. And then you posted this review. This is a slow-burn novel. It will give you literal headache to migraine. LOL That's what you get from a book, written by someone who is into magic. I hope your intention does not include attacking me personally.
It took you more than 10 days to finish this chapter and you even mentioned on your review about not finishing it because of info-dump. Why are you here anyway?
He concocted potions beneficial for his vitality, health, and possible near-death experience.
Lawyer Magus Transmigrated to the Immortal Realm(Moved to a New Link)
Fantasy · MagusBahaghari
This is very well-written, almost faultless. I have read that this has a promising storyline. But, I would say this has a very impressive storyline. It is very interesting beginning Chapter 3. It has a modern take of mage system with a spy trope. We have a main character with a surprising quality. You need to read it to find out more. It is definitely a worthwhile read.
I can commend the first few paragraphs of this first chapter for it delivers "the show, don't tell" technique in writing. There are areas you need to improve especially in the consistency of use of verb tenses. I only checked minor issues regarding this matter in this chapter. Overall, you have managed to narrate a story of the heroic action of the protagonist in the first chapter.
SCORCHING BLACK VULTURE
Sci-fi · MansonFD7