Webnovel Author: Toni_Yunanto - Novel Collection

Toni_Yunanto

Toni_Yunanto

male LV 1

A fantasy novel writer Instagram @papi.novel.michelle

2023-06-28 Joined Indonesia

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Toni_Yunanto
Toni_Yunanto
Posted

I think you have a nice idea for a story, but there are some areas that you could improve on. Here are some suggestions: The first sentence is a bit vague. What does “preserved Aria lounge” mean? Is it a place that belongs to Aria or is it named after her? You could clarify this by adding more details or using a different word. For example, you could say “Aria and Theo find themselves by the fireplace in their cozy lounge, filled with books and intriguing artifacts that Aria had collected over the years.” or “Aria and Theo find themselves by the fireplace in the Aria Lounge, a quaint and charming place that was named after Aria’s grandmother.” The second sentence is a bit confusing. How does Aria recall a quiet old house by the creaking of the floorboards? Is she remembering a specific house or a general impression? You could make this clearer by using more descriptive words or adding some punctuation. For example, you could say “As they sit together, Aria recalls a quiet old house that she used to visit as a child, where the wooden floorboards would creak in a soothing rhythm.” or “As they sit together, Aria recalls how the creaking of the wooden floorboards reminded her of a quiet old house.” The third sentence is incomplete. It ends with “Of course, this is not new to them” but it does not explain what is not new to them. Is it the creaking of the floorboards, the fireplace, or the lounge? You could complete this sentence by adding more information or connecting it to the previous sentences. For example, you could say “Of course, this is not new to them, as they have spent many nights like this before.” or “They were used to the creaking of the floorboards, as they had been coming to this lounge for years.”

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Toni_Yunanto
Posted

The tone of the text is too casual and informal for a story. You could use more varied and sophisticated vocabulary and grammar to make it more interesting and professional. For example, you could use synonyms, adverbs, adjectives, or figurative language to enhance your descriptions. You could also use different sentence structures, such as compound sentences, complex sentences, or questions to vary your rhythm and flow. For example, you could write “Angel was baffled by the message on her screen. A virginity party? What kind of bizarre invitation was that? She wondered who had sent it and what they expected from her. She felt a mixture of curiosity and annoyance as she replied to Di, who was apparently in on the joke.”

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Toni_Yunanto
Posted

The novel synopsis for “Dragon’s Flight: The Key to Ancients” is intriguing, but it could be improved by adding more clarity and specificity. The synopsis does not introduce the main characters or their goals, which makes it hard to connect with them or care about their journey. The synopsis also does not explain what the ancient scroll is, why it is important, or how it relates to the legendary dragon. The synopsis could be more engaging by providing some details about the world of Eldoria, the challenges and dangers that the characters face, and the stakes of their quest. A possible improved synopsis could be something like this: Eldoria is a land of magic and mystery, where dragons soar in the skies and ancient secrets lie hidden in the depths. Lila, a young scholar, has always dreamed of finding the legendary dragon that is said to be the guardian of Eldoria. When she stumbles upon an ancient scroll in a forgotten library, she discovers that it holds the key to unlocking the dragon’s power. But she is not the only one who wants the scroll. A ruthless warlord, who seeks to conquer Eldoria with his army of dark creatures, is also after it. Lila must team up with Kian, a brave warrior, and Zara, a cunning thief, to embark on a perilous journey across Eldoria. Along the way, they will face deadly enemies, hidden traps, and unexpected allies. Will they be able to reach the dragon before it is too late? Find out in “Dragon’s Flight: The Key to Ancients”, a thrilling fantasy adventure full of dragons, magic, and danger.

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