Androsia - The Queen of Crows

Starting off with some positives, I liked the idea of different auras having different powers and there was tons of emotions throughout all of the 18 chapters that I've read. I especially loved how realistic some of the actions were, like begging for mercy and sudden bursts of anger. However, there are a few things I'd like to say about the story. Writing Quality: So I think the writing was pretty decent for the most part. There's plenty of emotion from the characters and it's described pretty well. Although I do see a few issues, repetitive sayings. It happened around chapter two, the word 'cold sweat' or 'cold words' are used multiple times and it reduces the original, powerful effect the phrase had. To show you, here's some examples. "-Cold sweat flew down on their back." Chap 3 "-Their whole body soaked with cold sweat..." Chap 4 "-Her voice was as cold as ice..." Chap 5 "-Lyanna said with a cold voice." Chap 8 "-Emitting a strange aura that was everything but pleasuring." I would change everything into anything and pleasuring into pleasing. There are also some instances in the story where I feel stronger wording would've been beneficial, I'm sure I've commented on that. So to wrap this section up, be mindful of what is typed, visit your local online thesaurus, and double check your work as there were a number of errors that I should've commented on. Stability of Updates: So for this category, I don't worry about when the chapters were released. I focus on the consistency of the chapters, and I didn't see any issue with this part out of the 18 chaps I read. They were well connected with each other and didn't feel out of place, good job. Story Development: Alrighty, so what I get from the story is that the most of the Crystalfield Kingdom was taken over by the Chaos Empire, the sisters shown in the first chapter have been there since those times and developed a good friendship with Sister Orga. However, the little girl that's tearing people left and right, Anna, didn't have a strong relationship with her. The story revolves the powerful aura Anna possess, which is cool and the story further demonstrates what she can do with it as the people try and stop her. Now the story develops quite nicely, and I was actually really invested in it, but there are some things I want to touch on. First the aura and how it works. For a while, it hasn't been discussed, but soon we get a small explanation. According to chapter 9, aura is inside everyone, but only few can awake it. There isn't anything given on why aura awakens for a certain person, or the criteria for awakening aura. I understand you don't want to spoil everything about aura immediately, and that's fine. There's alot about aura that can be explained later, but understanding how and why certain people can awaken there's is important. Another thing I want to touch on is the team up between Tarnak and Woran. It seemed rushed and unnatural, especially Woran prefers working with his own people. Also why does he prefer working with his own people? And considering he's never done it before, it makes their cooperation all the more rushed. Iron out their conversation and have Tarnak give good reasons as to why Woran can trust him and his team. So the story leaves alot of questions that have yet to be answered, which is great, but the things I mentioned hold it back a bit. Character Design: So the characters aren't extremely detailed. Let's start with the Anna in chapter three. You describe her hair and eyes as blood red, which is a good start, but nothing else is mentioned. Nothing about her skin tone, clothing, etc. And describing this girl to very specific details such as her clothing would be important to the scene as she's slowly walking towards the guards. Another description I want to touch on is the one presented in chapter 6. "-A man wearing luxurious clothes..." I have no idea what luxurious clothing looks like, you must describe what is so luxurious about his outfit. Is his hair nicely combed? Is his outfit free of wrinkles? What makes him so luxurious? Things like that are important to describe to make the character visible in the reader's mind because I have no idea what he looks like. Not to mention a number of characters don't seem to have any designs such as Pivel, Sir Lewis, the sisters, etc. Right now, they are extremely blank in my mind. Now there are some other descriptions, but they're pretty bland and not very detailed, so do try to work on that. World Background: So the world building could definitely use some work. Not alot is known about the world. Even in the beginning chapter, I have no clue what the world looks like or what's it about. How do things work? What's the currency? You must build up the kingdom. Going further, let's take a look at Lakron. It's described as a bandit camp and guards are patrolling around the area. But nothing else is given. Are the shops and buildings partially destroyed, are the streets dirty, is there any unhealthy amount of smoke in the air? You gotta build the atmosphere for your towns and environments so the reader can get an idea of the tone you're trying to present. There isn't much detail of the Crystalfield Kingdom, though there was a war that led to the fall of the Kingdom, but there is a lack of detail that shows the kingdom after the war. Like destroyed buildings, dying trees, etc. Overall, this story has alot of untapped potential that can be awakened, just like aura. it's a decent read, but can use many improvements. I hope this review helps you greatly and good luck!