I still have no idea!!

Jack is an 18 year old college graduate with great grades, but instead of a normal university student he will have to stop a world wide genocide and help keep the balance of his world
in check.

So this is a book idea I had for 3 to 4 months now, I will post a few snippets here. Please tell me if you like it, and what you think I did wrong.

P.S: English is my third language so please bear with me.