Synopsis
Standing at her belcony of her 20th floor 2200 sq ft apartment, having a cup of coffee Nini is just thinking. The stars can't be seen in the night because of bright lights of the Vientiane City.
This city is a 24 hours running, ruthless, fast life metropolitan city. No one has time for anyone, no one care of anyone.
But Nini is living her life with an aim. A dengerous aim to seek revenge for her dead mother and brother and
Her father and younger brother whom she does not know where are they. Even though she knows she could be arrested any time after taking life of those people whom were responsible for her mother and brother's death. She is still looking for the person whom she needs to clear her debt off. She just knows her mind would be peaceful after getting justice for her family.
But is revenge peaceful after taking it?
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Updates: 5 Writing: 4 Character, Story, World: 3 The writing has some frequent spelling and grammar mistakes mostly in the form of awkward phrasing/sentence construction. This just needs a proofreader/editor as a quick fix. Firstly, way too many characters. I know the first chapter is a setup for Katty to get revenge for her mother and brother, but there’re a dozen characters introduced in this short chapter, and half of them first appeared in the first two paragraphs. This chapter could be rewritten without the need to name every character or mention them right away. For example, the husband can be revealed as a doctor later, and along with him, the nanny, and butler, and basically all secondary characters, don’t need to be named, or if later important, named later. Again, in chapter 3, a whole bunch of characters are dumped. Really not necessary to have so many characters when only a handful at most could be used to create the same story circumstances. Also, the story deviates from its focus in the last two chapters from Katty and the revenge. Katty is 12, so she’s smart enough to understand and possibly take revenge. But since she’s young and somewhat powerless, a time skip would be much better. Additionally, the first chapter was much too rushed in the backstory of the revenge plot. It needs more build up to the crime as well as why Mr. Mula likes Amanda and their relations in terms of coming over to his house. Rather than a story, this chapter felt like a sequence or list of events. Flesh out the beginning, and refocus on the MC and her actions. In short, you have a clear crime and revenge plot set up, but it just needs more depth in writing of the plot and world while cutting down on characters and making them more distinct with subtle directions/signs of character development.
DEAR i can sense your story is good. however, I advise you to change the cover. your synopsis is good and i like the story but you got to change the cover. i can recommend some if you want back at the forum.