/ Others / RE: Harry Potter World: Dark Magic
Not enough ratings
Synopsis
Joshua Sheppard Is 24 years old this Thursday, Deciding to activate his new revolutionary Neural Interface that would allow complete access to the human brain. Which in theory, One could look through memories of their own birth or even separate their consciousness from their body and enter a VR body, The possibilities were endless. Joshua had decided to be the first one to test it, All was going well until Joshua's Body seemingly rejected it, Causing his brain to rupture and spasm until the procedure was canceled, Unfortunately, However, Joshua was no more.
Joshua had Emerged in the void realm and was welcomed by a transparent screen,
"You have three wishes remaining"
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Write a reviewHonestly? I hate writing bad reviews, and your 'story' admittedly deserves it less than others I've read, but dear lord. First of all, there is an inherent redundancy in the way you set up the wish system. Why give your protagonist instant mastery in terms of magic, and also make him a deity? Is there any point in that? Why does he need to learn how to use poultry mortal spells, when his mother is the God of magic? There are other problems too but honestly I only skimmed through. The grammar runs any semblance of immersion; I find it hard to read a single sentence, and while I may understand its meaning, I'm left with no motivation to decipher the rest of the paragraph. You could use grammarly (the free version) to correct certain issues, but it's better to improve your grammar on your own.
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