Webnovel Author: Necroghan - Novel Collection

A good story brought to life by a fledgling author spreading their wings. Although there are still areas for improvement the story is engaging and fun to read. Great job Author! Keep up the good work!

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Fantasy · LeftPinky

Necroghan

3yr

Commented

Ok, it probably feels like I went in on you there. But let me say this; the story is good, really good. You just need to work on making it read as good as you have it in your mind. Forget about the unnecessary details, your readers minds will fill in the blanks. Focus on the story. Good job so far!

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Fantasy · LeftPinky

Necroghan

3yr

Replied to Necroghan

The one after 'Ms Elenoi'

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Fantasy · LeftPinky

Necroghan

3yr

Commented

Again I'd change this to: 'To the side, a scrawny looking man watched on. Fear and salt stains covered his face. He was twiggy and dishevelled, awkwardly straightening his back to speak.' The content is the same but mine reads a lot slower. What you've written is good, you just need to get into the habit of breaking it up. Use of sentences is important!

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Fantasy · LeftPinky

Necroghan

3yr

Commented

Ok so this sentence is too long. Try breaking it up a bit. I read it out loud if I'm not sure, if it sounds like a mouthful it's probably too long. It change it to this: 'A room on the first floor was boiling with ghost like auras. Ten people were sat around a long decorated table. The wood creaked ceaselessly under the menacing aura's pressing against its frame.' Try to steer clear of using too many descriptive words in a row. If you have to describe something in detail, try to sneak things in later so you don't end up with a whole line of adjectives.

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Fantasy · LeftPinky

Necroghan

3yr

Commented

Ok I'll chuck a couple comments in if I spot anything, with my advice if I have any. Feel free to delete my comments if you make any adjustments because of what I said. Or just leave them up so I look like an idiot 😂 your call.

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Fantasy · LeftPinky

Necroghan

3yr

Posted

Well written and enjoyable. Very good grammar, which is rare. The story is quick to get into the action, no messing around. Shame there's not more chapters. My only work on point would be; don't be afraid to break those paragraphs up a bit more! This is a mobile site and that sort of thing makes it easier to read. Other than that, really good job Author!

Re-uploading For Spirity

Urban · AstralGodZero

Necroghan

3yr

Replied to pikafuckyou

[Time left until earth's doom: 3 years]

Earth's Doom Starts with... Me?

Fantasy · mozza_mello

Necroghan

3yr

Commented

Good first chapter! Remember to proofread! Try something like Grammarly for the minor mistakes. Works a treat.

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Song of the Nameless

Fantasy · Spicybuun

Necroghan

3yr

Posted

Overall, not bad. The story progresses at a smooth pace and is pretty engaging. My one work on point would be; don't be afraid to make shorter paragraphs. I feel like you could really benefit from adding a bit of space between some sentences. A lot of people on the site are mobile users and that sort of thing makes it easier to read. Good job so far!