Oh, she totally did. lol
"I didn't," The hunter spluttered. "Not really."
Sci-fi 路 TonyaRMoore
Thanks for the feedback! 馃挄
I was very detailed (wordy) mostly because it is only the first chapter. This story has a TON of potential. Don't waste it! 馃グ
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This is promising. I think you have the beginnings of what could be a really twisted and captivating story. 馃槑The first chapter is all there is right now but these are my immediate impressions: the first scene--while, yeah, it IS gory and graphic, kinda lacks the visceral tension and feeling you'd expect to get from such a violent scene. We see what the killer is doing but it's all very matter of fact, like a reporter giving a news report. What's the killer thinking? What's the victim thinking and feeling? I don't mean just physically, but emotionally. What's going throught their heads in that moment? This about how you'd use this scene to to shock and horrify the reader. That, I think is the aim of psychological horror. (Have you ever watched Wire in the Blood? That might provide a useful frame of reference)The scenes that come after could easily be fleshed out into chapters two and three. That first scene could use some more meat. Immerse yourself in it. Let yourself like really **feel** the the horror, terror, and aversion or else -- I feel like you'd be robbing yourself of half the fun of even writing it in the first place (which is something I'm also telling myself because I tend to rush/breeze through stories/scenes too 馃槖)
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This one is a tough sell for me but I'll admit I do tend to be quite demanding when it comes to erotic prose. I do expect a certain degree of... finesse, I guess? Seeing a man objectify/dehumanize women--whether intentionally or not-- by referring to them broadly as "females" only means one thing to in my mind and that's veiled mysoginy. That, unfortunately, ruined the whole reading experience for me. In any case, I guess it totally works as idle/tongue-in-cheek wish-fullfiment...?
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Whoah. Thanks a million. You review has completely blown me away!
I know that Becky Chambers book and wow - that's a huge compliment! Thanks so much for the helpful feedback. There are definitely a lot of improvements needed. Some things are stylistic choices, though. Like the repeated use of broken sentences. It's risky craft-wise but definitely a deliberate choice. Thanks again! 馃挄
The Lore of Hegira
Sci-fi 路 TonyaRMoore