' My secret crush'

I finally look at him clearly after years, his beautiful brown eyes stare back at me with questioning look waiting for me to answer him, without adverting my gaze I meet his burning gaze .

, “ No. ” was all the words I could muster .

After that I turn my heels , not looking back even as I could feel his gaze on
me. I know he is questioning the reliability of my answer, with my answers and behavior being a stark contrast . Why would he even care if I hate him? He doesn't care , don't know how much his words affect me.

His voice still ringing in my head, as I hurried down the stairs. Maybe after a year or two when I finally got rid of this feeling I will be able to look you straight in the eyes , with my heart no longer pounding in my chest , and tell you that I'm happy for you, happy that you find the one. Happy that you have someone you love and she love you back . But, for now I can't. I don't know how I'll be saying that without my voice cracking up, I don't think I have the will to control the tears that will role down my eyes. So, just for now I'll hide again.

When I'm finally be free of this prison that they called love and get rid of this feeling.
I will answer you then that I don't hate you, I've never had and never will. The problem here is not that I hate you cause I could never as much as I would like to, if I hate you my heart will no longer be this tortured when I see you with someone else right? The real bother is the fact that after all this time it's still you and that scared me from within.


I'm scared to love you when I know there is no road to continue walking forward , and in the end all I would meet is the dead end road with no way ahead.




Author's note

Dedicated to my secret crush

(Will not update any longer, views are way too inflated )