/ Fantasy / Cosmic
Synopsis
Cosmic will be outta commission for a while... gotta redesign the story a bit. Thanks for helping out with your reviews and adding to your collections. it will be back one day...tho probably not soon
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6Reviews
- Translation Quality
- Stability of Updates
- Story Development
- Character Design
- World Background
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I loooooveeeee this dang story, the concept is danm cool and I totally recommend that you read!! ................................................................................. .................................................................................
Keep up the great work! Some of the dialogue just straight up made me laugh out loud. It was very funny. Well done. I didn't notice many spelling mistakes, which is a bonus.
Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact kenreview@outlook.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.
Sorry for the late response, but many things happened. You wanted a brutal review, here is one. Writing quality: 1 star. Honestly, your english is really bad, and that cripples the novel overall. I already pointed out some of the mistakes in chap1, here some more examples: you can't use !. Either exclamation point or period, not both. In chap 2 you mix up the Verb tenses, sometimes you use the present ("malakite barges") but mainly use the past tense. In chap 3, in the very beginning, you use convoluted phrases "sitting on a bed in a room that wouldn't be out of place in a mansion" while "...Sitting on a bed. The room she occupied was (insert description here)"would be much better. Avoid using too much or too litlle punctuation, try reading out loud what you write to see if is easy to read. If you get out of breath or lose your train of thought something is wrong. Imo before going on re-read and edit the prev chapters. As it is, one needs to read the same phrase multiple times to get what's going on. Stability of updates: 5 stars, you were always on time until RL kicked in. Story development, char design, world building: 2 stars. Everything feels too rushed. You introduce too many characters at once, and every one of them is poorly depicted, both physically and psychologically. In both chapters 2 and 3 envy does not make any sense as a char. Most the events in the story happen so fast that one can't make head or tails of what or why is happening. Think about chap 3, in the flashback: envy works as a waitress. Me: wtf? why? why such powerful entity should work, especially dressed as a maid letting drunkards bother her? then you cut straight to the bar being destroyed. She was not there, why? Is not like destroying a place, kidnapping and torturing someone happens in the blink of an eye. Again, no explanation. Also you put together too much stuff, pop culture, manga, angels, sins, gods and goddesses. Overall your world makes little sense, it seems a shoddy mish mash of lots of cultures, if there is something original in it, or if you later managed somehow to harmonize the different elements together, I am unable to notice that, I'm sorry mate.
Well, i try to read it for a while and... The first 3 chapters is a little confusing to me. I cannot grasp it at first read and i must read it for the second time Many characters at first arc i say, and new concept of background setting give me a dizzy. I mean who is the MC here truely is? And why i feel the way new chara is a bit forced? I feel the development of each chara is lacking, say envy, what is her disposition? I cannot say the envy in this story have such characteristic. The depth of story can still be explored. Like why the MC want to do this? Throw some clue so reader can speculate please~ For you new reader, for now, i repeat for now if you want to read it. Please give it a try and chance to not drop it soon
This is a really good story your writing as it is a different perspective altogether of a used trope. The dialogue is interesting and the writing is well thought out and the background is scattered throughout really well. I just wished the synopsis or something of the sort provided better context and perhaps a more stable plot line. Not sure in which direction you want to take the plot yet though but so far it’s good. Also I was a little perturbed by the paragraph structures. A lot of dialogue is kinda squished together so it takes some time to understand everything. Perhaps divide it a bit more and base it on a story you like or inspires you. Also some lines seem to generic when your describing the characters like Liliana and Rokuro. Just saying he’s tougher than everyone in the room is kinda basic, maybe instead just put small details like him tensing, or people seeing his innate strength. Even showing characterization through actions makes the characters seem more profound. But again I believe you told me this is your first story (not sure sorry) so I think it’s really good and well thought out. However, more plot direction and context perhaps in the synopsis or introduction would be nice. For example when Kirai wakes up describe him yawning, it would be better to see him thinking about the past or provide context for the surrounding setting as you go on later talking about the world he lives in. Something to that extent would make it seem more comprehensive and refreshing. Like the stable updates and the length of the chapters shows that this is something you enjoy. Nice job! Hope this helps!
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