Synopsis
AhnAhn was royal property. A prize won when her country’s war against the emperor failed. Her mother and older brother were spared on one condition: if AhnAhn married the emperor's blind son Wulin.
Wulin was a curious young man, the product of the emperor and a concubine. He was pushed aside, forgotten and spurred by many within the palace. But being the emperor's son, he was well trained in martial arts, his blindness amplifying his senses. He found his fun blending amongst the common folk. Every night dressing up as a poor man, a common man, a noodle seller and the like.
Currently, he had the most fun disguising himself as a thief, he and his gang robbing carriages by candlelight.
Tonight, was the night AhnAhn would be delivered to the royal palace, and tonight AhnAhn's carriage was in his sights...
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Hello Author, You requested an honest review of your novel. Well, I started reading it a long time ago and dropped it as soon as the ML was introduced. The Robin Hood/Prince in Disguise trope was the reason. I had great expectations because of the cover and synopsis, but it wasn’t as I expected. But it tells a bit about me and not about your novel. It just wasn’t what I was looking for. Thus said, I noticed you made some editing in the first chapters, changing things a bit from what I remember. A bit here and there in the plot, comma placements and so on. Being an intelligent writer, you are aware of the deficiencies of your story. When the text is too confusing or lacking inspiration. You comment on them at the end of the chapters and I agree with all of your comments. Self-criticism is a nice thing and you are able to recognize when the thing is not flowing well. I'd like to be so self-aware! I feel there’s a lot more to emerge as the story unfolds. You have a good what to describe characters, but sometimes it goes too caricaturesque, and not always funny, but forced. Anyway, perhaps if it’s the intention and you are writing the next ‘The Princess Bride’, it’s okay. As you commented yourself, you are aware some chapters need editing. I can’t like nor dislike both MC or ML by chapter fourteen, and perhaps it’s a problem. The chapter I liked the most was Chapter 12, Lay Low. Because it really made me wish what happens next. I think you have a nice seed of story here, and with the right tone, it can be great. Good luck!
Update Stability: Average I based this partially on the rate you were updating before the hiatus which was very good, but since it’s been 16 days since the last one and you likely won’t be consistently updating for a while, I had to rate just average. (But obviously, this isn’t a bit deal and isn’t really part of your technical writing abilities. Authors get busy with life after all.) Writing Quality and World Background: Both Above Above Average Few errors, overall general good use of grammar. There was a sentence I set aside somewhere that I was going to use to explain one little quirk of your writing that could be improved for clarity. Alas, I can’t find it, but I can still explain. It’s the use of commas. If I recall correctly, you once said you knew you have problems with abusing commas, and in some cases, that’s true. But actually, I mostly found that you needed to adjust how you used them as in some cases you needed to add commas for clarity in more complex sentences with particle inserts. Now with style and details, this is in first person, so I don’t expect much stylistic flexing as the voice should be of the narrator. So I think the complexity of the writing, meaning readability (such as the likert scale), is fine; it’s appropriate for first person. Most people don’t “think” super descriptively but rather “speak” more ordinarily in their mind. With that said, that doesn’t mean they speak briefly in their minds either. That’s why I’m always encouraging writers choosing first person to really dive into the characters with more of their thoughts and feelings. The writing doesn’t have to complex, but it should lean on depth and a tad more length. The MC’s reaction to something shocking, for example, should be not be said in just a line or two, but several lines perhaps interspersed in different spaces of an entire scene. With your particular MC, I like how she phrases things in a bit of a sassy way, but unfortunately, it doesn’t shine through enough because her thoughts are often one liner responses to events that occur, like oh, that’s funny and moving on. If you lingered more and divulged into her amusement and conflicts, it would greatly make her come more alive. Currently, she’s a bit weak in the demonstration of her personality, making her sassiness almost feel forced just for the sake of a cool, quirky character rather than natural and real. Character Design and Story Development: Both Average And so, that leads us into character and plot. I was impressed by you fleshing out the minor characters, my particular favorite was the driver at the beginning. You were able to being out his character and background in few lines, but they were very effective and natural. The MC’s maids’ on the other hand feel like a contrived duo that makes me think of the enthusiastic maids of other historical romances. As for the ML’s personality, that too was lacking, perhaps because we see little about him and his thoughts, feelings, and motives for why he’s a bandit and how he’s so skilled as a blind man. I don’t dislike him. But he’s forgettable, something that a ML shouldn’t be. I’d dare say to even dive into the cliches of making him more mysterious if he’s a rebel of sorts for playing bandit and doing other “non-princely” activities. But that aside, I’d like to hear more of his story, what compels and interests and why. His group, as somewhat minor characters, fall into the middle of the spectrum of strong and weak characters found in this story. Due to the long fight scene, we got to see quite a lot of them in proportion to the FL and ML. While it’s okay to delve into side characters, the focus should always be on the main ones at least at the beginning of the story once you’ve established them and the story’s main conflicts. Once the FL/MC enters the castle, she’s also scrapped in place of the ML and his gang for a very long bar fight of sorts. Fighting and action in a romance story is fine—
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An addictive read! Absolutely looking forward to each chapter. Can be a little confusing if you aren't ready for shifts on who the chapter is focusing on.
Intriguing tale, with various notes of comedy, and action. Artistic take illustrating a homely feel to its characters. Developing humanistic realism to each individual character letting one to slowly understand just who the author is portraying. Come to meet and understand the complexity of each character as their personalities, sway the tones of the story. And you come to learn who they are, and why. Emotional variety. ✔ Quality character development ✔ Awaiting for further chapters to see just how much author will enhance this mystic tale.
Great storyline, a few misplaced words here and there. Other than that, awesome story. Can't wait for the following chapters. Need to know how the meeting of the princess and prince will be like.
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Me gusta. Quiero leer más capítulos y ver cómo se desarrolla la historia. Esta muy recomendable Vamos a apoyar al autor para tener más capítulos 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
Una historia atractiva, diferente, deja una expectativa de que va a ser lo próximo en suceder. Realmente no sé cómo redactar una reseña, pero la historia está muy interesante.