Starting Life Once Again

While this is only the first chapter, the characters themselves definitely showcase different emotions through the heavy dialogue and interactions. However, I think there could be some improvements made here: 1. Grammar: To name a few— there were missing commas, resulting in run-on sentences, which I couldn’t recorrect since the paragraphs were lengthy; some quoted words didn’t have a proper ending punctuation like a period, comma, question mark, etc. And aside from grammatical errors, I found the novel to be difficult to visualize since the characters weren’t described as much as I had hoped. Most of the time, I was thinking of blank people to imagine their interactions, which made me struggle to immerse myself. 2. Show not tell: As you mentioned earlier, I can understand Japanese-style is dialogue heavy, yet I do suggest inputting more emotions on their face rather than them expressing it all the time. Or if you don’t want to do this, then I would advise more surrounding details, so I could get an overall view of the world the mc lives in. 3. Spacing: Especially since this is mainly dialogue, I strongly suggest separating different speakers into different paragraphs. It doesn’t have to be every single time to switch, but it would make it easier for the readers as well as me. And this is when you could put in other details of their surroundings to flesh it out more. 4. Selling point: Like every book, there must be something extremely unique about the novel that the reader should remember when they hear the name, whether it be the plot or the characters. Unfortunately, I find it hard to determine what exactly strikes me the most intrigued, leaving me nearly nowhere to place an emphasis on. However this is merely my opinion and should not influence the storyline in any way. So don’t take this part negatively. :3 Overall, it’s still enjoyable to read, so keep up the good work, Author !