Synopsis
The world around Red shakes when his sister commits suicide. She was his ideal.
But everything changes when he goes to her room after her funeral. The world around him starts to crumble when he realises what had made her sister commit suicide.
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7Reviews
- Translation Quality
- Stability of Updates
- Story Development
- Character Design
- World Background
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I like everything about this story from the start. The narration is excellent in its own way. ☺ The author is doing good job I hope author could keep this pace in future😊 I'll review again after reading more chapters, every chapter is new revelation.😇 ......I am curious how Red would solve and end the cruelties of some ditch organization
I just randomly found this book, oh my, it's interesting, I keep going reading. Yo, author, do some magic and bring some more chapters, please, and yes, world background, character design, plus thrill, and so on. I am just a common reader and yes, the writing quality is also fine, come see itself, check it out.
NOTE THIS IS A CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK REVIEW AND PROBABLY DOES NOT RELATE TO CURRENT STATE OF NOVEL *I am not coming back to update the rating* Ok, first of all you need to make your paragraphs smaller. You want your paragraphs as small as possible and seperate it by each time a new thought is started. There were litterally paragraphs covering my full screen on my phone, was worse than last review. You need to read your chapters more before you publish them btw, you are missing some commas, and errors you didn't fix like first page ., You had that. For commas, you can try speaking out loud or in your mind SLOWER that way you can catch the pauses. You need to put commas for but and and (most cases for and). Try to make some of your sentences shorter too. No reader wants to read a sentence that 5 lines long (on my phone). If you must make super long sentences, only do it like once a chapter. Put a space after your ..... and also you cant out commas after that ......, You don't need to capitalize if you are still continuing the sentence, just delete the comma though if you are using that. For things you aren't sure are right EVEN A LITTLE BIT just search what you wrote in google. like allright neesa a space. Try not to use all caps a lot. Its rarely used ib writing for a reason, as it does not fit in almost all circumstances. If you use all caps, you should only use it for one line paragraphs, which willmostly be a scent, noise, etc. PAINNNN, AGHHH, BLOODDDD, etc. Might be wrong about this, but I think lied is used wrongly (I think). For words that have the same sound to another meaning, ALL WAYS LOOK IT UP, too double check. Even if I'm wrong on that word, you should still do it. Try to desribe 5 senses and emotions more too btw. The characters felt too 2D and unrealistic in their actions. Like parents seemed like they didn't care one bit other than the conversation. For example you can write "A air of gloom surrounded the table, his mom's eyes were souless, his dad started to be out of shape, growing stubs of facial hair." Make it more relatable. Also this part is opinionated, but I feel you should change the synopsis a little bit. I just don't get the phrase, 'she was his ideal', like he loved her? He idoled her? idk don't get it. I honestly couldn't read after C1 as I already wrote so much... I just skimmed C2 sorry couldn't finish it.. Because of this I made story development a 4 to not be biased as I haven't read enough. I marked 2 for updates as its not haitus but the speed is way too slow.
Part of a review swap, and at time of reading, there are 14 chapters. To be brutally honest, this genre is not my cup of tea. The word "suicide" itself turns me off, as I don't like anything remotely dark. Violence, is fine strangely enough. Anyway! On with the review. Writing Quality: English isn't my first language, so any minor grammatical erros wouldn't be seen by me. However, I would suggest Author to : (i) Ensure proper capitalisation of words (ii) Have more paragraphs, especially when it's a dialogue. Would make the reading smoother. When a paragraph is too big, those who read using an app would find the huge chunk of text off-putting Stability of Updates: 5* in good faith Story Development: It's certainly a good start and is developing well. You can see how the death of the sister was the catalyst to him turning out / becoming better. It's a unique perspective for me (can't say if this is new, or fresh as I don't normally read this genre). Character Design/World Background: So far, so good. The pace is there, the development is well. All the best Author. :)
This story is an uncut gem that will surely shine with some polishing... Having your sister suicide is traumatizing and then learning that she was may have been killed must be harsh on our MC but that sets the stage for his future development. Excited to read how the future unfolds for Red.. Good work author!
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Great plot, the idea is there. The starting was quite strong, diving down to the feelings of the characters. The writing quality could use some polishing, but future chapters should be fine.