/ Sci-fi / System of the Deep
Synopsis
Amelia Crofman comes across a device called a System, but its definitely new and different from the ones in the past. She needs to pass an 8 month course of Space Battle Simulations in order to become a Planetary Analyst and complete a mission sent to her by her planet's elders, but the System shows her of a mysterious threat coming towards them and they appear in 6 months cause untold amounts of destruction!
Captain is the leader of a Coordinator ship named Litan'ka. An efficient worker under the order of Queen, the ruler of their kind. After coming across a similar System which they named Prophet, they learn of a whole Nebula filled with resources. They are now on their way to feed, but they've made countless enemies already within the Horsehead Nebula.
Can she crack the code to the System's warnings before its too late? Or will she die not even able to save her family and planet?
Can Captain be able to establish ally connections before its too late? Or were their colony's selfishness too much and now the price will be paid?
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Write a reviewI don't want to be harsh nor sugarcoating it, but here's my review.It does interested me in the first place. But the sentences was like breaking down my immersion.The dialogue seems to be incorporated with the sentences and some grammar issues is like adding salt to the wounds.My only suggestion is simple:1. Separate the dialogue sentences from another sentencesexample:He/She doing this and then said something with some adverbs."bla bla bla"2. Rephrase the sentences which hard to read. Maybe you can use Quillbot which costed around 9$/month.
This is a pretty good story! Although Im unfamiliar with most of the terms, it was still interesting enough to continue reading~ Keep up the good work!
Reveal SpoilerAuthor Phantom_of_Romance
I can’t wait to see where this goes. but I will stick aro to find out und