Check out my first novel, Traveller's Will: https://www.webnovel.com/book/traveller's-will_25553012106498105
2018-12-28 Joined Brazil
This was truly refreshing to read. It's "warm" it puts a smile in your face. My biggest issue is the writing, that needs polishing in both structure-wise, and how the style itself in the sense of pacing-flow. For this I recommend you to read more known books, like The Name of the Wind. I hope you go well with your story, all in all, keep up the good work.
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Tip: when its thoughts, use the 'italic' in the editor, because its known globally to indicate thoughts
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Tip: "Calling a mother to her child to have breakfast" sounds a bit weird, maybe: In fact, you don't need this sentence for two motives: Mother is already mentioned in the dialogue, and breakfast too.
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That girl healer sounds like a psychopath trying to charm her victim xD
ch 0 4 The Healer
Fantasy · SayofChains88
This reminds my time playing Mu online back then
ch 0 1 The PlayerKiller
Fantasy · SayofChains88
Good start! Keep it up :)
ch 0 1 Corpse after corpse
Fantasy · WRChowdhury
Thank you <3
thank you :) and I'll do the same for yours
ch 0 2 Road 1 - A Lute's Lament
Fantasy · vorlefan
Thanks, UelUel :)
ch 0 2 Road 1 - A Lute's Lament
Fantasy · vorlefan
More like the background music of a child almost dying xD, thanks for the comment
[review]: "Under the peerless sun sat a man" I would suggest to use a metaphor for this. Like: "Beneath the relentless sun, a solitary figure rested, his duration of stay a mystery to all. His gaze appeared shielded from the harsh sunlight that pierced the air around him, casting an enigmatic aura over the scene."
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History · Tls13
nice chapter!
ch 0 2 The start of ‘retribution day’
Urban · Tls13
Breakdown this paragraph in two/three others, readers from WN usually likes when paragraphs isn't big-sized.
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Urban · Tls13
She is a menace xD
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Urban · Tls13
[review] Try to be more concise in you writing, example: Despite numerous attempts, the girl found no solace in the offices of countless psychologists. In her dimly lit room, she sat on her bed, fixating on the adjacent wall, an air of anticipation surrounding her. This routine persisted, day after monotonous day, until her long-lost relatives, informed of her location, finally sought permission to visit.
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Urban · Tls13
Tip: breakdown long paragraphs, and, "hearing the words" isn't the best way to call it on. Like: "Upon hearing the ominous proclamation of "the cleaners are coming," the citizens couldn't help but question the validity of their own ears."
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Urban · Tls13
You're welcome :)
Decontaminative aim
Urban · Tls13