/ Fantasy / *Cancelled Novel*
Synopsis
The novel is a lost cause, I ran out of idea on how to fix the storyline or make it better. Probably better if I cancelled it. Well you guys can check out my other book: https://www.webnovel.com/book/vanguard-a-world-for-gamers-by-gamers._19102467306410305
For those who followed me, I quote from Rem in Re Zero, "Lets start again, FROM ZERO!"
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19Reviews
4.53
- Translation Quality
- Stability of Updates
- Story Development
- Character Design
- World Background
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The plot is extremely interesting and draws the reader write in! Although this book only has two chapters right now, it still has loads of potential honestly. I like the main character and can't wait to see what's instore for him! Definitely hooked! Will read further!
THE GOOD - Daily updates (not too far of course, as long as the story appears to be "recently updated" it's okay even if it's been 2 or 3 days at max since the last update) - Simple and familiar premise - Later chapters (after chapter 4 I believe) there is some build up for future chapters. There is a clear direction. THE FLAWED (What needs to be revised/looked back at) - Writing doesn't contain any spelling errors but the information is vaguely described. Basically it just tells things and that's it. The world, in chapter 1 it's described as an "unknown" world but how unknown is it? What makes this world so different from other isekai novels? - Jin isn't a good protagonist in the way he is portrayed. He's ignorant of his position in this new world. No worries, no fear or concern whatsoever. He just takes it just like that. At first when I saw this I WANTED to believe this is a parody or a satire, but as soon as I read the later chapters up to the latest, I realize this is meant to be serious with a dash of comedy in between. - Why does Jin's transportation to this other world (if it has a name yet) happen almost immediately without any build up or hints? Just a blind white light consuming him? I appreciate it's NOT another death by truck story but still, we barely know anything about Jin other than he's "another average high schooler." - The premise, although familiar and easy to remember, is questionable. Yes Jin does get transported to a different world, but what does he plan to do? Go back home? Defeat someone in order to go back? Make his living there? I'm having a hard time seeing Jin as a person and a character. - Speaking of Jin, there's nothing striking about him so far. I'm sorry but in the scene where he tries to save a girl from a couple of strangers he's acts very edgy, with the whole "remember my name" style quote, we barely even know Jin. - Other characters aren't fleshed out. By that I mean there isn't much to see from them despite having significant names (Also, Shin and Jin? It's funny as a rhyme for their names but I want to see more from Shin) - I am having the hardest time trying to understand in what particular way this novel is inspired (or heavily inspired) by Re;Zero. If it's just because a "normal protagonist gets transported to another world." then I'm sorry, I don't think that's a valid excuse. Hundreds if not thousands of isekai themed Webnovels on this site have that similar premise/concept too, but many of them give more information in order to be different from others. I'm okay with this novel being an isekai, it's the execution I'm more concerned about. Despite my extensive commentary on the flaws, author, don't be discouraged by this. Take a look back at your novel and maybe try to flesh out the world and the characters, Jin in particular. Even if you want to flesh them out in later chapters, at least try to give enough information for us, the readers, to paint a clear picture. I know you can do much better than this author, and I hope to look at your novel again once it's all fixed up and even better than it's current state. Good luck.
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Just the first chapter and I am hooked. You really know how to make the readers fall in love with a character. I would suggest though that in between your character's conversations, you attach a little sentence to describe their thoughts. It makes it even cooler.
I really loved the character progress. The ultimate fantasy...I loved that buddy. The novel is really nice specially the background and plot. Hope MC would have many adventures
Being a fan of Re:zero I've just jacked up my expectations for this novel. But, I know that's going to be too high of a bar to reach. so I'll settle for less. and you've hit that bar nicely. the story really just rolls off the tongue or rather pages, it has a quick pace, transmigration, meeting with fem mc (?), power reveal, and battle at just the first chapter. but its not a bad thing, everything flowed really well, id just like to add a suggestion. set the scene well. one paragraph describing the area and scene really does wonders for the reader. as an author you might already have an idea of what place they were in, but a reader will have to use their imagination, adding bits and pieces of what it looks like will do wonders for the narration. anyways. good luck mate!
I gotta say This was really Enticing keep it uP, the way You explained hIs world was Very detailed and intruiging. The character seems Very interesting aswell. The plot seems Like they’ll be a twist if things and i cant wait to find out more.
No complaints on the display of characters and the plot. It's done remarkably, I applaud you for that author. The writing style is refreshing to read, although I want you to add more specific details on the world background. Like in the "show don't tell" kind of thing. It would get us, readers, more engaged in your story if you add that. Aside from that, the story composition is well done and I commend you for that author! Great job.
Hey this is a really neat book! :D And with humor too lol The plot is nice and easygoing, so it's perfect to read at the end of the day. Would love to read more! Good job, author! <3
Fellow fan of Re:zero. The story is filled with potential and good writing style. But only seven chapters now. So can't say how much I like it. But it is definitely one of good novel with potential. Good luck to you.
wow Re:Zero fan! me too😅 I could feel the vibes of the manga hehe about the book- an intriguing plot with finely grated sequence of events occurring one after the other, strong protagonist with individual personality, well thought out concept portrayed nicely through its characters.
A 4.8 overall (only content ive read till chapter 5 that's the max posted) ITS A FRESH STORY AND AN ONGOING NOVEL, STABILITY OF UPDATES IS ALSO REALLY FIRM AND ITS A SOLID NOVEL, IVE HEARD OF ZERO AND HONESTLY I SEE THE INFUSION OF ITS PLOT HERE! but while maintaining that, you've ensured to not plagurise content which is GREATTTT! ill tell u why you lacked 0.2 stars, think to add more depth to ur character, u need to add character flaws, HE IS A REALLY INTRIGUING CHARACTER NGL but it just goes into a stereotypical reformed protagonist from many novels and animes I've come across, there's just 5 chapters so I think the story will intensify furthermore WHICH I CANT WAIT FOR!!!
The story has a lot of potential. Although I would say there are some flaws, it still has potential to become a good isekai. Will edit once there are more chapters.
Great start to the story. Love the humor spread throughout, makes it a fun read. Really enjoy the banter between your protagonist and female lead, they have a great relationship going. You also write action really well. Great characters make for great stories and I feel you have the blue print for a really enjoyable novel.
The lightning element's chosen one is an enjoyable, if not generic addition to the isekai genre. Start as you mean to finish, perhaps i'm taking that a bit too literally, so let me unpack my conclusion. TLECO is a light-hearted, easy to read adventure in another world. The author's admitted inspiration from Re:zero is very obvious, from the way the MC is isekai'd into another world, to his first encounter with his love interest. This webnovel is like a love letter to one of my favourite anime, and I love it for that. That being said, given the inspiration, it's hard to call TLECO unique. The characters, while charming, are a collection of tropes. The story so far is somewhat clichéd, and it all seems to lack the level of depth one would expect when one cites Re: zero as one's muse. That being said, there are only four chapters out so far, and the story has hints of some larger plot, What that is? I'm eager to find out. Even if the story doesn't deepen, the charm of the characters, the world and the accessibility of the writing makes TLECO a perfectly serviceable, light-hearted romp to digest for when life's complications demand an escape. Having praised the accessibility of the writing, it seems contrary of me to then criticise it. Two things, however, can be true at once. The writing can be easy to read, eminently engrossing, and written in a less than sophisticated manner. That is the case in this webnovel. The novel's lack of descriptive words leaves one feeling like a visitor in his created world, not an inhabitant. We're there, we can look around, but we don't get the full experience of a native. This has the effect of dampening immersion. Furthermore, the novel changes tenses repeatedly. In one breath the author opts for the present tense, in the next he opts for the past tense, it'd difficult not to be distracted by such an easily amendable mistake. More so, the author made the irrational decision to create a new line for each break of dialog, a perfectly appropriate, in fact necessary writing convention, except when the same character is speaking uninterrupted by the dialog of another character. This has the effect of confusing the reader, causing them to have to double check to see who is actually speaking The author chose to use double inverted commas for both speech and for internal thought, It would be better if the author consistently uses one set of inverted commas for dialog and another set for internal thought and quotations within dialog. It doesn't matter which are used, in the UK, from whence I hail, single inverted commas are used for dialog and double for quotations and internal thought. In most of the rest of the world it's the exact opposite. It doesn't matter which convention the author chooses to follow, but whichever he does, he needs to be consistent in it. The prose is often clunky, conjunctions are used where they're not necessary, Sentences are poorly structured, and as I said before, tenses are shifted so rapidly it's liable to give one whiplash. While the prose doesn't hinder comprehension, it does, for me at least, so absorption of the story, because I spend so much time rewriting the paragraphs in my head. So, what's the conclusion. I like to end as I begin. The lightning element's chosen one is an enjoyable, if not generic addition to the isekai genre. if you're looking for a light-hearted adventure in another world, An adventure that won't demand too much of your time or focus, something to sit back to and escape reality with; look no further. TLECO is exactly what you're looking for. Writing Quality: 3/5 Stability of Updates: 5/5 Story Development: 3/5 Character Design: 4/5 World Background: 4/5 Overall: 19/25
The plot is very intriguing to see what happens and as a fan of Re:Zero it will probably get immersing and I just wanna say you're a man of culture for that. Now the characters currently are a little too generic but they have unique traits that can possibly grow over time. The dialogue between the characters feels great but the problem is there can be too much. It's best you describe things more and say less in the next chapters such as describing emotions or the situation more than through dialogue and with more descriptive vocabulary. The book has lots of potential and I hope you continue working with it.
I like the story, and also Jin and Mizuki's relationship. I'm having fun at Jin's character he's so funny. Love the world background, can't wait for the next chapter!
I haven't read Re:Zero but your book makes me want to read it. I love it when small children find something magical, wasn't it a dream of all of us while we were kids. It's good, that we can find respite in the books that we read and create. A nice read :)
Hey author here, this is a thread so you can ask questions about this novel or even make theories or you can give me suggestions about my writing. Appreciate you all!
The story was nice! A fellow fan of Re:Zero! Nice! I gotta say the action scenes were lit! Splendidly narrated and described. It was easy to be immersed to the world and a must-read! It has a great potential based on the initial chapters! Nice!