/ Fantasy / Beyond SSS-Rank After Getting The God System
4.63 (12 ratings)
Synopsis
*Just quickly, I have also started publishing my entry for WPC NOV 25, All feedback is appreciated, so please check it out!*
http://wbnv.in/a/25jUvEv
[SYSTEM INITIALISING, PLEASE WAIT...]
[SYSTEM ERROR, MANA DENSITY TOO HIGH FOR CURRENT SYSTEM...]
[SYSTEM WILL ROLLBACK TO THE FIRST SUITABLE BUILD...]
[SUITABLE BUILD FOUND, NOW INSTALLING...]
[CONGRATULATIONS, SYSTEM INSTALLED BUILD MODEL -1.0.0 DEUS PRIMORDIA]
[ERROR DEUS PRIMORDIA INCOMPATIBLE WITH RACE]
[DEUS PRIMORDIA PATCHING]
[NEO PRIMORDIA CREATED... SUCCESSFULLY INSTALLED]
"Hey kid, congrats. Never seen that one before now step to the side and make way, the notifications will be coming for a while."
***
Average will be two chapters per day
chapters will be 1500+ Words each.
Discord is now live!
https://discord.gg/vNh3UfHY
Lastly, a massive thank you to everyone who gives this project of mine a chance, to those of you that add thank you, seeing those red, blue and yellow lines moving means the world to any author whether veteran, or aspiring like me!
Tags
You May Also Like
4.63
Share your thoughts with others
Write a reviewJust 8 chapter in but, If the author keeps up the nice story pace and consistent updates then this book's definitely making it big.
as I've now caught up I'll say this, great story great characters. the positives are definitely the themes and characters, how they bounce off each other and develop and how that affects their choices and plans in the face of "The Game". The stugles Carl has as he wrestles with a fate thrust upon him, the insecurity Klare has over her ability to stay by his side especially as it is played out for her as emotional weakness when she is actually quite physically strong and straight forward normally, and even Kiubi as she has come to care for both of them despite her initial distrust and fear. The negatives are probably pacing and the world building itself. maybe I missed something but the story feels narrative driven, which is good but the world building is narrative driven alongside it which makes for a difficult read especially as we pretty much start the story 8(?) years into the plot. I'm not saying 8 years of watching Carl struggle to use is system would make the story better but there is a writing style with it that permeates the rest of the narrative both intentionally and unintentionally. the first example that comes to mind is the fact that many main characters have preexisting knowledge about the world and society norms that the reader either isn't told about until it literally thrust upon us. some of these make sense especially around the beginning of the story like re reader not knowing what an Omni class threat means but that is in the middle of what looked like a school outing but they are also paramilitary but actually it's not military it's just a security procedure but then why are the adults / supervisors taking what's being told to them as fact? like a small rant but I never understood why at the beginning when Carl and Klare said to the military guy or whoever he was, It's ok it's an Omni class threat but he brought us back to life and is gone now, their first response was to stand down. If he questioned them and then his mum stepped in at least it would make sense as she has authority but like he somehow does? this I feel gets exasperated when it comes to the gods and I felt it partially in the last few chapters, I excuse not knowing all the gods but even small details that feel like they should be important for the reader to know about the characters are never setup until they're immediately front and center one good example of this is 'The lords of Hell? ' I know I'm probably not using the right term but this was never an established fact in my mind until it was mentioned when fighting Cocytus including the fact that there are 6 of them. like these are important details especially as we apparently talked about the villains but they're never established much aside from the big names and vague backgrounds, yet it keeps feeling like the characters already know these facts and going like Ah I know about you because of such and such and I'm having to go, When where we told this Why where we told this? I get the premise of show not tell in story telling especially when. you want to avoid long exposition dumps but it always feels bad to me when the world or narrative expands and it's given little context and just assumed as fact. I find this works well when reading about people like Lillim and the other Immortals because for them most of all this is fact and their lack of telling is a symptom of their Immortality and their disconnect from mortals, but when Carl or Klare or any of the other not Immortal start talking about something and it wasn't established before it feels awkward and disconnected from a readers perspective because I don't feel like I've come along for the journey with these characters, and that also makes it hard in emotional scenes as they start to lack weight when not given enough content. I love the story and look forward to more chapters as you have a strong concept I just hope that the story of these characters are given better fleshing out and time to breathe so that the weight of their journey feels more impactful when it's needed.
Reveal SpoilerThis is fantastic, I really love the system interface, and I am really looking forward to voting when I get my power stone, also I've added it to my library, keep up the good work.
Pretty good, chapter 1 and 2 was confusing at first but when you get to later chapters, they start to make sense. keep it up
amazing plot, Truly remarkable, I like the pas in and world building, hope to see more from your work
it is an absolutely great novel but the writing feels so ADHD coded it feels like my brain itself is going cross-eyed reading it.
One of my favourite creations Has Squidge the adorable pet who is five stars on his own just for cuteness. The world is so massive I have been toying with the idea of releasing an accompanying book just to give the lore gremlins something to sink their teeth into. I won't give myself five stars for writing quality, I know my faults, I proof read and proof read, but can only catch so many, please feel free to leave paragraph comments and I will correct mistakes in spelling.
Hey! So I just binge-read your story, and I can’t stop thinking about how well it would translate into a comic. The pacing, the characters, the world, it’s already so vivid. I work as a commission-based comic artist, and I’d honestly be thrilled to collaborate if you’re ever curious about seeing your story in that form. No rush, no pressure,just genuine excitement after reading your work. You can connect with me on Discord (lunapuresoul) if you’d like to see my portfolio or toss ideas around.
Author Mark_Rustus
I can see u are really working hard on your novel. hope to see carl become stronger and make his bonds with others good. your writing style is good. keep going and Good luck!! 👍👍