A Tribute Becomes A Jumper

LV 2

JumpchainWriter

Hey there friends! Look at this, an author giving a... SOMEWHAT unbiased review? How cool. Anyways, generalized but non-specific spoilers are below. Long review ahead, but it might be worth reading, before you try to sit through the story. This is my story. I like it and will talk about what I like with it, but before I do I want to want about some of the negatives of this story. Or at least let you know what some people, rightfully, criticize. The main character is very, very powerful. I like writing about what amounts to powerful toddlers. I have a specific meaning for that admittedly odd phrase. My favorite kinds of characters are very powerful beings who don't know how to properly utilize their power. The MC is that kind of being. Or rather he becomes one, fairly fast. Not everyone is cool with that, and that is super valid, I just don't want you to read this story if that kind of protagonist annoys you. The main character is also fairly dark. He's not a SUPER edgy lad or anything, but he hails from... arguably the worst part of a dystopia and it seems that I as an author do not really communicate that well because readers are always commenting on how odd it is that the MC is a dark dude who doesn't always seem dark. His birthplace is District 1, a career district, in the Dystopian Young Adult series The Hunger Games. He wants to be in the Games because his district rose him to want to be in the Games. He wants to win. He is cool with murder and stuff. If dark, villain MCs aren't for you, this is definitely not the story for you. Some topics, and thoughts in this story are dark. If that's not for you, that's super cool, but like maybe consider if you want to read a story that is open about those things. I do not want you thinking the MC is a good person. He isn't. As for the stuff I like about the story... The MC is a calm person, mostly, who actively loves his powers, and the settings he will go to, and isn't into random, purposeless murder or other acts of edginess. I like dark stories, this is (or rather will be) a dark story, but I also have a deep love for the settings I write about, and for jump-chaining in general. I think that probably bleeds through and is visible to my readers? Probably? I hope so. The first arc is something I enjoy, though I admit it has flaws. It is not supposed to be super difficult or anything and it IS meant to give the MC a LOT of power. It does. If that annoys you... This genuinely might not be the story for you, and that is super cool. I think my writing is only half good, at best, but I still love writing, and I still intend to continue doing it and to try and improve. I feel like, for the MOST part, I do a decent job of mixing progression and ability stuff, and I strive to slowly do better over time. That said, the beginning is a bit ability heavy. Which, to me anyway, is fine. If it's not for you, sorry. But that aside, I try my best to listen to and incorporate feedback, suggestions, and more, in ways that make sense. You can ask my readers, it's clear that I listen to and respect the feedback I get. I try to incorporate it, meaningfully, into the story. Even if someone doesn't like parts of the story, it seems like reading the story, past the first... I'll say 7 or so chapters isn't super boring. There are other, valid criticisms of it (which is why I, the literal author here, mark the Writing Quality, Story Development, and Character Design three out of five stars), but I am working to improve my writing. I don't want this work to take itself too seriously, but I want it to be enjoyable, and to inspire readers. I want readers who read this story to have a good time, and while I can't please EVERYONE I can try my hardest to write something I am proud of. If you want to read what amounts to a fun power fantasy romp through a lot of settings (which, in my opinion anyway, is what just about ALL jumpchain fiction amounts too at the end of the day) featuring a dark MC who isn't into needless, RANDOM violence... Maybe consider giving this a read? You might like it.

LV 2

Four_Clover

You've kinda ruined the first arc tbh. If you didn't give him so many perks, the level of immersion in Hunger Games could've been felt, but since he's basically Captain America with all buffs and technical knowledge most readers don't know of, the immersion was ruined and the first world basically became his playground without any tension. You should've given him the abilities after winning, maybe even some romance with Glimmer that would ultimately end in her death plus some drama or something, but no, you pushed in the cliche System at the start. Wasted potential, you have good writing but your planning is wack. Don't assume readers know what you are talking about, explain the powers to them slowly not info dumps with 10% actual plot. It's rare to have a Hunger Games Ff nowaday. Anyway, the novel isn't for me, but I wish you luck in your future works. You have a unique immersive writing but you can't capture realism in it's essence. I hope you continue to improve.

LV 2

CephJester

Amazing story so far! Writing quality is incredible, and easily makes me pay attention to the story, the updates are reliable, the development of the story is well-paced, and the character and world backgrounds/designs are well-thought-out and planned. This will easily get itself a spot in the top stories if the author keeps producing chapters like these!

LV 4

Chronus12345

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