/ Fantasy / Man Made Demon
Synopsis
Already broken from terrible childhood memories, daily bullying, and malicious thoughts. One day he arrives home to a mysterious package that contains a mysterious ring.
Jay soon finds out that the ring is no normal jewelry as it starts to glow. Feeling a sharp pain, he attempts to remove the ring which would not budge. The pain increases and a feeling of nausea begins.
Jay loses consciousnesses and wakes up in an unfamiliar world.
A world full of monsters, a variety of races, including demons which he is mistaken for.
"Hello I Am The System!" There's also a system to guide him on his path to become stronger.
On his first day, he is mistaken for a fleeing criminal and arrested. An unfair trial leads to being thrown into a dungeon full of beast.
Jay finds himself frequently in terrible situations. Almost like being tortured over and over, he is broken down physically and mentally.
Will the unstable Jay be able to live a carefree life or will the already blood thirsty former high school student become one of the very demons he fears?
*I do not own the character in the thumbnail. If your are the owner feel free to message me for removal or credit.*
I have begun my newest work: The Villain Within.
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16Reviews
4.69
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Other than a few puntuation/grammar errors, I can see a good plot being laid out here. For me, I wouldn’t mind reading fantasy novels like this any day, so keep up the good work author ! (⌒▽⌒)
A well put story to be honest. Loved how you bought feeling into this character Jay. Might I add here, you can make your story much better by just a few changes. For instance you have used your mc Jay's name a lot, try using he/she for ur upcoming characters as well. Otherwise well written ♥️
A promising revenge story. fantasy factors are good and I really enjoy reading so far. But there are some bad points: -I would like to read more detailed about the things that happening around and places he is in. -Characters other than mc are just there, no personality or anything special. we need to at least know somethigs about the ones that he wants to get revenge. Story is new and dont have lot of chapters. I'm sure this problems will be solved. my english is not so good I can't say much for grammar but I don't think its bad.
An overall good story that suffers from some grammar errors, mostly punctuations. The characters, Jay in particular, is written well; you can feel his misery and anger shimmering underneath, waiting to just erupt. Story development however is a bit cliched, what with the ring and a system being there. I do like that there's also some really interesting backstory going on with the MC. How his mother disappeared (is she in another world too? 🤔), the moment where he comes to peace with the hallucination of his father (that convo in the latest chapter was good), and the dark thoughts that constantly passes through his mind; it's all very human. That said, the story hasn't developed enough for me to accurately say how good it is, but I'm confident that the author is going to do it well. One thing that bothered me though is the system. Honestly, I felt like the author could've removed the system entirely, it's way too cliched (hear me out). Just imagine: how different would it feel if he was just thrust into the new world without any guide. Then, a voice starts whispering in his head, telling him the things the system said in the novel (like how to kill those snake leeches or how strong those inhabitants were). It would be a lot more interesting as then you'd have the MC constantly asking himself, "Who's talking? Am I going crazy? Schizophrenic? Do I have another personality? Or is this the ring talking? How do I, or it, know all of this? Why am I getting stronger the more I kill? Is it just the satisfaction I feel, or is the ring making me stronger?". That would've brought a more mysterious aspect to the story as opposed to the trope, "Oh, there's a system, Google Sensei!". Sorry, it's just that there's way too many of those and they're soo game like and unrealistic. And tiring. Anyways, that's me ranting, ignore it. The story is good and give it a read. Me, I'll be waiting for more chapters before I binge read.
Hello, author here. Thanks for reading my story. Make sure to leave comments with suggestions and/or constructive criticism below. I will reply to all comments and take everything said into consideration.
This was disappointing. In light of the writing quality, I thought the story would also be up to par, however, the reality is different. The story is very fast-paced which along with the lack of worldbuilding makes the experience rather lacklustre. The characters are also very random with extreme polarity, aka bad guys are bad because they are bad and the good guys follow the same logic. The MC is also an edge lord. Sure, he went through a lot of shit, but it is nowhere as horrifying as he makes it out to be. My advice to the author would be to slow down, actually make me give a damn about the characters and start describing the MC's path more thoroughly.
great so far. The MC is a little dumb but that is reasonable Considering most people thown through his situation. good job with temporarily locking that skill that will force him to accommodate to his power. the old man saying there is no way he will succeed in revenge is very wrong as I can see with his capacity for growth he could be a new king.
Reveal Spoiler
Great start for a story :D More powers, this is gonna be a long ride. Hoping you could also drop a review for my new novel—Isekai Institute. Thanks!
An amazing novel. The text block is smooth and easy to read. The content of the novel is fascinating, interesting to read, and there is intrigue. There are small rough edges with commas and periods. But this is not reflected in the text block in any way. I like it. This is a fascinating novel, you read it easily and after reading it, you will have pleasant impressions. Thanks to the author for writing such an interesting story. That's a great 14 chapters and almost 14,000 reads. This already suggests that the novel is readable.
Great Character Development! I'd like to focus more on the fact that the main character is basically a really dark Captain America who's moral compass leans on vengeance rather than justice and honor, which could later be understood with how horribly he is treated. Overall the grammar and story structure is okay, could use a bit of improvement. One advice I can give though is: allow your character a chance of redemption. Keep up the good work, Author!!!
Reveal Spoiler
The story is well written and so far, there's been a fair bit of mystery and action. I'm really enjoying what's in the world and how our protagonist interacts with it.
Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact rebecca.review@outlook.com. A brief introduction, some sample charpters or links will be appriciated when reaching out.
Well-written. I am not the type to read books with "system" themes but this one had me hooked. The plot was not giving everything too much, just enough element for suspense and excitement. Plus, the writing quality is very decent and readable. You are on the right track. Keep it up!