as there are only two chapters I can't say anything about the story you write dialogue and there's a structure which I appreciate and you should " "when you write dialogues so it can be differentiated between internal monologues that's it.
I like the story. It's like the, main character seems to be ***** and young. I am curious of what disaster and betrayal Xiaomi is gonna encounter. Which makes this interesting! Well i recommend it to other people
daoist_om