Chapter comments on the chapter Final DxD Beginning Stat Sheet Mordred Bael of the book A Broken Knight's Journey [Up For Adoption]

Hey there! So first off i just wanted to say how flattered i was when i first saw this story. Feel free to use w/e lore you want if it encourages you to continue writing. Whether you succeed in this story or not its always good to have more people throwing their ideas out. I'm writing this as i procrastinate to write my own chapter for today. I want to clarify right out of the gate, I don't consider myself an Author. Frankly i find it so annoying when people are like 'As an Author myself, you should do X'. I won't tell you how to do your story, since you are looking for input i'll share my honest opinions. How are you going to define your character? Looking at all this, there is alot to take in. It seems like the original Mordred gets lost under the weight of everything your throwing ontop of him. First off, i love the idea of him having Rhongomyniad. The mental qualms he would have about using the weapon that killed him would make for an interesting plot point (A little sad you arn't making his default weapon clarent as it would be the perfect opposite for the holy spear). Lets talk about sacred gears. Sacred gears.....are pretty busted. Don't get me wrong, EA is also pretty busted as well and i have to be careful to make sure to have reasons to not just spam it. But sacred gears really coincide with thier released state; balance breaker. They break the balance of the story (IMO). I had considered sacred gears myself, way later into the story. Like at the point where the normal enemies are god-level. I'm not saying its a bad idea to have a sacred gear early on, but you're throwing them at a character that is already going to be ridiculous strong. You need to ask yourself what the story gains from it and what it loses. This leads me to my next point, you are giving him way too much too early (IMO). So this is probably the point where you're calling me a hypocrite since i just handed Gate of Babylon to my character, so let me explain. Noble phantasms......are simple. Gae Bolg, you activate it and thrust. Excalibur, you call out it's name and swing. You get the idea. Now with Things like True longinus, Divine dividing, Mystic eyes of Death perception and even bloodlines to a lesser extent, it's not something that can be just explained away in a few paragraphs. Each of these things usually take quite a bit of time to master in of themselves. Look at canon, each character that uses one of those spends the entire story mastering it and you want to give multiple to a single character. Personally, i don't like it when an Author is just like: after x amount of time the main character is now a master of this weapon that he conveniently learned off screen. So to summarize, i just feel like your giving too much too quickly. The main character is Mordred, but i feel like that gets lost in all of this. Anyways, those are just my thought, please don't take what i say as gospel. I really do feel flattered and i don't want you to think you need to change your vision just to suit my own personal tastes. Good luck with your story, i'll be keeping an eye on it.

Also he life with sword in past to reborn with lance that basically kill him. It is real nightmare. And if you want your story paralel with arthur, well basically arthur can onlu keep his life with enkidu to keep distance and counter attack with Ea or other noble phantasm by spamming like gatling gun. And if he not have gate of babylon it will be instant death, or mybe not if his status is overhelming modred.

If i can say something. Mystic eye of death preception and lance, really. You want to use your lance to slash? Why not take his original weapon atleast it is sword. Except you will develop the eye to death point no death line.

Before i forget. Just blonde hair.

Bloodline... Of course full pendragon. And... If you still want to use your original sheet. Change the concept. Not a mordred. But a man with mordred power. So its mean you will not in the same universe with coraulten

I am kinda roasting the author right now. Lol. No offense. Its just my style of typing that have a lot of swearing. I mean your idea is nice and i can say that this will be a great novel. But, that is a mistake if you make him a devil. So if you need a sheet i can give you Parents = is this necessary? I mean we are doing our job. Not just living. So no for parents Race = heroic spirit. Dont gice a **** about others. Sacred gears = really? Give him gloves that have lancelot power on it. The knight of ownership. Power = just put the original mordreds power. Energy = mana. So we can do mana burst (lightnging). Operpower things = not so fast brother. Remember we are working. Not living with cheat.

You know what the best course you can do? Just put him in his original state. And let him finish his mission. Gain enough point to upgrade and voila. It was nice. You are creating parents and other unnecessary things is making you having doubt at writing.

Okay... Lets start from the universe. You put him in the universe similar to coraulten. So reincarnated is out of subject. Why? You are doing your job not to live again goddamnit. And every minutes is needed to finish the job. Dont forget that. Devil clan? Fuck it. Have some dignity. He became devil. This books die. I can assure you. I mean eventhkugh he is knihht of betrayal he will not do that **** like being a devil or some sort. Sacred gears. I can agree about that. But i will disagree with him taking their host place. I mean can we just create an ordinary sacred gears but with growth skill. Not messing with the story line too much. I mean erase issei and you need to be the MC and back again devil. Erase vali and you need to be an asshole. And that means destroying the world. Back again remeber your job

Allright... Let me take some sheet for research. The following comment might be have some harsh words. So bear with it.

Where is the chapter? is Harem?