14Reviews
4.3
- Writing Quality
- Stability of Updates
- Story Development
- Character Design
- World Background
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LV 1
zd4zaaa
Hi ,
This is Shirley, I am an editor an editor of a digital writing platform- D R EA M E.
After reading your book, I decided to contact you and if possible, to extend you an invitation on distributing your works. However, there are so little I can talk about it here. If you were interested, please contact me via shirleymiller@ficseek.com
, then I should take opportunity to discuss it with you in detail.
It was a great pleasure to meet your story.
Sincerely
Shirley
LV 5 ![Badge]()
Miss_Lazy
The synopsis is good. The main character is very funny and hilarious. The plot is not so intense for me in a good way. The grammar is good too.. Keep it up...
LV 3 ![Badge]()
MyRealName
Personally, I really like this novel. Although there are some small faultable errors, there's nothing huge that would make this not worth reading. Also, not gonna lie, my opinion may be a bit bias due to my love of Norse Mythology and Cultivation, so seeing a novel which has both of them, is not only something I've never seen before, but it's quite nice.
LV 10 ![Badge]()
xWangan
Honestly, the beginning of the story felt a little cliché for me. While I think that your main character is pretty interesting, and some of his choices are pretty funny, the fact that he’s currently 6 years old is not really something that I consider fun. It limits a lot some things that you could do, unless you are prepared to do some major time skips. Oh, and I do like the way the system was made. Pretty clear.
I think there are some little mistakes here and there when it comes to interpunction and grammar in general, but from what I’ve read, you’ve got yourself a proofreader, so this should be easy to fix. However, I feel like I’m reading blocks of text. I would love to see them split up into more paragraphs, because it’s a little hard to read. Also, the perspective changes were kind of confusing.
The one thing that I wish you would change, is the way some additional information's are provided for the readers. For example, cultivation levels were as a special chapter that people need to read, but if somebody misses it, it can get really confusing.
Overall, the novel is not bad. I can imagine a lot of people enjoying it, but it’s not one for me.
LV 3 ![Badge]()
CrescentWolf
This is quite enjoyable. I think the Main character is quite funny especially that he's basically a 20 years old in a 6 year old's body and I can definitely see the end goal. My only advice (though I'm not experienced myself) would probably be to watch spelling and grammar. There are a few minor errors here and there and at first the narrative viewpoint wasn't clear. I look forward to the upcoming chapters.
LV 13 ![Badge]()
BAJJ
Some misspelled words, misuse of punctuation marks which can be easily fixed if you proofread your work to others. It's harder for the author itself to detect his own mistake because you know your chapters like it is written on the back of your hand.
Also, it was a bit confusing (especially ch 1) about the sudden shift of perspective (1st person to 3rd POV or vice versa).
Regardless, the writing style of the author was quite enjoyable in its own way. I can't help but laugh by some word choices and how the MC train of thought works.
About the character design, I must say that MC's reaction and way of thinking just right on the spot. He knew when to retreat (I was talking about when he says he knew he needed to train more and stuff before taking the second trial) and must say he's not a d*mbass fool. It's good that he's rational (at least) and not like other MC who's on a brink of death but can't die because of some endless willpower😅
Overall, it was an entertaining read especially if you like cultivation novels and system novels because this one has both🙌
I won't delve that far on stability updates, story progress, and world background as it's too early to make a review for that.
LV 4 ![Badge]()
Daoist_Food
The plot is pretty interesting, and the writing's also great. Really hope there's more updates soon, I look forward to it. Good luck and great job!
LV 13 ![Badge]()
MishaK
The writing is very good! Very interesting setup and world development. I wish author all the best for his novel here. For all those who feel this is slow paced, it is a cultivation genre, and needs time to develop.
LV 15 ![Badge]()
Rxel
Pretty interesting so far. It's a bit too early for a completely comprehensive review, but I'm enjoying it thus far. We are just starting to explore the world of the MC, and the writing is descriptive enough. The pacing of the story so far is pretty good as well.
I'll point out a minor problem with how you end your speech text. For example, your punctuation should be inside the " instead of outside it, so it would be as such. "Hey, this place looks pretty neat," the boy mused to himself.
You may want to consider breaking paragraphs into smaller chunks so it's easier to read, but that's a stylistic choice for writers, so it's up to you.
Looking forward to reading more. Keep up the good work! (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ
LV 7 ![Badge]()
Gourmet_DAO
I wonder why all the novels of this kind begin with a cliche? There must be some hikikamori, niit, a geek placed on novels, anime, manga and video games ... and right there, a counterbalance to him is a scout. Is it rather an oxymoron ?! Not? Perhaps, to assume that this person was normal for some period of time, and then he became a social phobia due to some kind of pressure, pressure or some other reason? But this is not reflected in the text of the first chapter. Still read easily. All his feelings are clear.
But here comes another caveat - his knowledge of survival, were suitable for the Earth, and not some magical world. Since he, the protagonist, does not know the characteristics of this world, his laws, it is quite likely that they may differ from Earth, he does not know how to hunt, what plants, water, animals are poisonous and which are not. Trial and error for the protagonist can be fatal.
Yes, and a 6 year old child, not enough muscles, strength in order to hunt in the usual way. So he must invent his own way of hunting. These are snares, traps ... but again he needs to know how the "objects" are built on which he will hunt!
I wonder how the main character defines the lines of light? Usually on Earth, first determine - the north, and then the rest of the world. If there was a Light, then on Earth it would be clear that the Rising Sun is in the East, and the Setting Sun is in the West. Moss in the trees means the North ... well, from the reverse, the other side is the South. But in the magical world, no one knows this .. And do they have, in general, such concepts as parts of the world? Is there a navigation system, geolocation bindings? For what? How do the measurements take place? Do they have their own coordinate system? Projections? Ellipsoids? And many other questions. The magical world is not well described in this regard.
6 year old boy and ladies?))))
The father of the protagonist, a proud idiot who put the family in danger. He himself grew up in a clan, so he knew what this clan was capable of. He not only died himself, but also killed his own family.
Hah, Chapter 2 ... A 6 year old boy could run faster than an adult, powerful boar? Yes, and a meat eater? 6 year old boy was able to pierce the skull of a boar with a stone? Sometimes it doesn't take a shot on Earth, and sometimes a bullet gets stuck? But apparently in the magical world of wild boar had a different skull structure?
But then the intriguing text has already gone ...
And the third chapter is already a protected territory, where there is no progress ... and there is nothing for a person to climb into such territories.
The author skillfully owns the word, he has a rich material, an interesting story, but this is not my genre. It remains to wish success to the author, in the implementation of his ideas.
Reveal Spoiler 
LV 6 ![Badge]()
Good_Light_Sleep
It followed the normal transmigration cultivation novel formula, so there shouldn't be anything wrong, right?
No, even though it has only three chapters I don't know what direction you are heading. Are you going for the serious martial arts route or comedy route?
For example this part (more like dragged- sorry mom). It killed the sense of seriousness that you had just set up just now. Sure, when you introduced the MC you added a few quirky things in it, but it hasn't killed the scene yet. Burying one's dead is a serious matter so yeah that is one example.
Martial arts novels can be funny, but it has to be in the right place. If you want to do comedy I suggest you slowly phase it in as not to scare away the readers.
If you want to go the serious route try and raise the stakes more since the MC doesn't actually felt like he wanted to avenge his parents. Maybe you could have the sect finding out that he is alive and more talented than their own disciples so they send someone out to hunt for him or you could go the easy way and give him a good rival.
That is the only problem in your novel, you are actually talented because of your ability to set scenes, that is why when you added (more like dragged- sorry mom) it breaks like a glass crashing into a rock.
Don't with my bull**** now is your turn to decide.
LV 13 ![Badge]()
JacksonWalker
I'm not gonna be completely shameless and have a 5 star review, so I'm gonna rate it 5 :/ I'll see all of you later, please comment on what you want out of this novel please!
LV 1 ![Badge]()
The_Mimic
The Story is pretty traditional, although the writing style is good. You should work on spacing, there's a lot of stuff you've thrown at us with the small amount of chapters you have(almost no chapters really). The lack of chapters is fine though seeing as you have just started the series.
zd4zaas