Great job! I love the idea of the real life game system or however you want to call it. I also like that it doesn't start with a boring explanation of the word (what I actually expected) but the action starts right away, and I definetly got interested about this crazy real game thing and want to find out what it really is about.
I think some information isn't really necessary to understand it, it feels a bit like you wanted to make sure that everyone definetly gets it for me. I would rather like to see a more detailled description of what the character sees and feels. The thoughts sometimes feel like they are obvious, or they are menioned in the normal text. But thats all just my opinion. I definetly think it's great and I want to read the second chapter!!!
JulianRr