Alkiran - Profile

Eh? What the heck kind of club or bar runs out of ice? It’s the primary ingredient in what is probably 80-90% of their income source: cocktails (Perhaps even THE most important ingredient if you ask a bartender. Ice does a lot more than just cool things down). Most places that serve alcohol have industrial ice makers and go through HUNDREDS, up to even THOUSANDS of pounds of ice per day.

Just binged your story, so far not bad. You show potential as a writer in terms of narrative and world building. My only real criticisms are ones I’m not really sure are fair as I’m not sure what kind of writing style and audience you’re aiming for. I guess I’ll just say that, you’re probably currently in the top 30% of this website in terms of how how well written your story is. That being said, your current weakness is the weakness of your side characters. For where you are and your current audience, it’s probably fine, but if you plan to improve, you need to start to figure out how to flesh them out. As it stands, pretty much you just have the main character, and maybe count Oliver with personalities that express themselves. Side kick A is pretty much a tsun/yandere cut out and side kick b is mostly non existent. Right now you’re very much falling in to the Harem model of: all females just exist to list after MC and all males are there to be invisible and highlight MC pitfall. Once again, if that’s what you’re going for, that’s fine. If you’re not though, you probably need to be more conscientious about each of the side characters motives and complex characteristics. Anyway, well done so far. Good job.