Kairon_D13 - Profile

Not your preferred language? Here to Choose your language.
Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

male LV 5

Addicted to perfection and laziness.

2017-09-05 Joined India

Badges 5

Moments 14

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Posted
Good setting, good concept, good grammar. Writing style can be improved more. Story progression needs a lot of improvement, as its too forced right now. It is not organic feeling.
Rogue Demigod

Rogue Demigod

Fantasy · Joyed4795

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Replied to Kairon_D13
Oh, btw theres this novel titled 'FULFILLING MY LUS.T.FUL FANTA.SIES' by 'FANATIC_FAN'. Try giving it a read. The story development there is slow, but feels very organic because of the setting and style. ,

ch 10 Mother?

Rogue Demigod

Rogue Demigod

Fantasy · Joyed4795

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Replied to Kairon_D13
BTW, the hidden word (********) is h.a.r.d.c.o.r.e.

ch 10 Mother?

Rogue Demigod

Rogue Demigod

Fantasy · Joyed4795

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Commented
You are going good bro. But tone down on the ******** stuff a bit. Right now the theme is too r.a.p.e.y. Let things be more mild and consensual. Also, the content of the core scenes reads, sounds, and feels too forced. Almost rushed even. Let the story development be more organic, u know. More natural like. The theme and general idea is pretty good, but the progression is forced and the execution is mediocre at best and shabby at worst. I am not trying to be rude, but offering constructive criticism here. As it sits right now, it reads more like the script of a badly executed hen.tai that has been written 14 y.o. vir.gin child. Overall: GRAMMAR GOOD, WRITING STYLE DECENT BUT CAN BE BETTER, STORY DEVELOPMENT BAD TOO FORCED. I hope that you take note of some of my suggestions. I like the idea of your story here. Please don' drop it midway., , .

ch 10 Mother?

Rogue Demigod

Rogue Demigod

Fantasy · Joyed4795

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Replied to Mad_reader
Doesn't change anything. Unlike the trident of the Greek god Poseidon, which ended in a blunt tipped rod, the trishul is a trident that ends with a sharp blade or a spear head. But it still isn't a spear, as the method of combat for the two are totally different. The trishul is a lot more restrictive as compared to a traditional long spear or a normal spear, or a short spear.

Ben swore to himself that if he survived next week, he'd become a better face-slapper than a Hindu goddess!

My Pick Up Artist System

My Pick Up Artist System

Urban · SamsaraWithWords

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Replied to Flamableslug
That's not a spear idiots. It's a trident, or a trishul in Hindi.

Ben swore to himself that if he survived next week, he'd become a better face-slapper than a Hindu goddess!

My Pick Up Artist System

My Pick Up Artist System

Urban · SamsaraWithWords

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Replied to Lord_Ninetails
You mean a sun goddess slave. Besides the goddess of beauty.

Of course, Sunna still needed to be taught a lesson, else she would just continue being an annoying hindrance, but it was no longer a goal, just a passing thought. With that, Eva ignored the retarded Sun Goddess and focused on her own rewards. 

Guild Wars

Guild Wars

Games · Kotario

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Commented
The concept of casus Belli comes from medieval Europe. Casus Belli is like a publically accepted valid reason for invading another territory. As one can imagine, without the casus Belli system in place, any lord could declare war on anyone willy nilly without any consequences. The casus Belli waivement scroll here is essentially a pass to invade one territory, or to declare a war without the need for a valid casus Belli. Or at least that's what I think it is. Clarify brother Kotario, brother Devil's Advocate.

10 Cassus Belli Waivement Scrolls 

Guild Wars

Guild Wars

Games · Kotario

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Commented
Be the vikings

As stated, the current sea was fatal after just a few miles from shore, so who exactly were they supposed to plunder? 

Guild Wars

Guild Wars

Games · Kotario

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Replied to Flamableslug
Not all. Just the males. The females will want to change his mind by fucking him to death.

So Base, Purity, Source, Engine, Function. Such a system sounded a lot better, more professional, and more mature than that fancy garbage, all offense towards Dark Elves intended. 

Guild Wars

Guild Wars

Games · Kotario

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Commented
Skyrim.
This paragraph has been deleted.
Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

Horror · Sky2316

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Commented
Buddy, learn to wipe your own ass after taking a dunk.
This paragraph has been deleted.
Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

Horror · Sky2316

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Commented
That is a dumb idea. Many reasons. 1> Limited resources. 2> Limited space. 3> Unpredictable weather conditions. 4> Isolation will cause severe morale drop. 5> You can't be sure how the virus will affect marine wildlife.
This paragraph has been deleted.
Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

Horror · Sky2316

Kairon_D13

Kairon_D13

3yr
Commented
This is maybe the second or third ZA novel based in the Philippines that I have read. That's actually really good. Haven't seen any1 from India write one yet.
This paragraph has been deleted.
Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

Code Zulu Alpha: Nerd in the Apocalypse!

Horror · Sky2316

Report user

instagram tiktok twitter facebook youtube

© 2024 WebNovel

TEAMS

About Newsroom Brand Guideline

CONTACTS

Translators & Editors Commercial Audio business Help & Service DMCA Notification Online service Vulnerability Report

RESOURCES

Tags Download Apps Be an Author Help Center Privacy Policy Terms of Service Keywords Affiliate

REFERRALS

QiDian Yuewen