koolsalad

1d

Replied to Hassan_Hadi

I take it you’ve never had a shave before.

Seeing two new customers walk in the shop owner got up from his chair, and patted the stool over. "Hello, are you here for a hair cut?"

koolsalad

1d

Replied to The_Grindelwald

If the penis was bigger than the doctor, i think the doctor would take interest. Interest in medically reducing the size.

koolsalad

2d

Commented

Think this is what we call a railroad lmao.

"Oh." He said, his gaze moving over to Attuoria, who was also staring at him. "Well Dumbledore says yer comin' with us. Yer gonna be a first year. What's yer name by the way?"

Attuoria | Harry Potter Fanfiction

Book&Literature · sayhellotohanna

koolsalad

2d

Commented

“Active defences are way too taxing on mana, and most of the passive defences I can use will have the chance to cripple the development of my brain as I’m so young. I don’t know if that, because I reincarnated, it is different since i have previously developed mind protections when I became a fully fledged mage. So I’ll restrict myself to preparing them, but won’t use them for now.” (Added part makes no sense) Beginning: -“Passive defences will possibly hinder the development of my brain” End: -“only one i will use for time being is passive one” Passive damages brain... uses anyway... [img=faceslap]

My active defenses are too taxing in mana and most of the passives one will possibly hinder the development of my brain since I'm so young and I don't know what will happen with me being reincarnated since I developed my mind-protections only when I became a fully-fledged mage at 17. So I will prepare/create them but I won't be able to use them, for now, the only one I will use for the time being is a passive one which will tell me if someone is trying or reading my mind/memories.

Harry Potter and The Lost One

Book&Literature · Ascian

koolsalad

2d

Commented

This is deceptively hard to make sense of... 3 parts in sentence 1 year since 2 partially recovered 3 good year this year. So we can say “I rediscovered some of my memories a year ago” but going straight to saying this year is good... It doesn’t work, because why is this year good? “It’s been a year since I recovered most of my memories, thanks to that I have had much to do this year” - This works, but isn’t amazing... Think the beginning needs to be re-thought out.

'It's been a year since I recovered partially my memories and what a good year it was for me.

Harry Potter and The Lost One

Book&Literature · Ascian

koolsalad

2d

Commented

“About my magic, I am quite happy that i can wield it aswell as most of the basic magical formulas from my past life. The knowledge still works but for now I will have to wait to be able to use the more advanced ones. Then i will be able to see if they work, even if I am able I can’t do that here because it’s very flashy and loud. I’ve also discovered that magic is considered a fairy tale, so i assume magic is undiscovered in this world.” Something like that? I would probably cut off “So i presume that the magical world hides and so do i” Let the character organically discover magic? Idk

About my magic, I'm quite happy that I can wield it and most of the basic magical formulas from my past-life knowledge work but I will have to wait for the advanced one since I don't have the abilities, for now, to see if they work, and even if I was able I won't be able to that here since it's quite flashy and loud (sometimes) and I learned that magic is "fairy tale" so I presume that the magical world hides and so do I.

Harry Potter and The Lost One

Book&Literature · Ascian

koolsalad

2d

Replied to Jackal_Zirson

VERY minor formatting errors. “Why so long...” and after is not needed, you can enlarge the story by adding more punctuation.

I was quite surprised to see that my mathematical knowledge from my past-life is mostly the same in this world but with different names and formulation, I browse through the subject and I'm already at the college level and in 2-3 I will be ready to engage with their university level. Why so long because I will restrain myself and concentrate my efforts on magic.

Harry Potter and The Lost One

Book&Literature · Ascian

koolsalad

2d

Replied to Jackal_Zirson

First of all, everyone has begun to think of me as some sort of genius. After all, when a four year old child can precisely explain and ace an end-primary school subject... It’s quite impressive. Minor formatting errors only. No biggie.

First of all, everyone thinks I'm some sort of genius, after all when a 4 years old child can explain precisely and ace end-primary school subject, it's quite impressive.

Harry Potter and The Lost One

Book&Literature · Ascian

koolsalad

2d

Commented

Try to keep lists gathered together, because you put a story paragraph in the middle of the list... it makes less grammatical sense. There are some times you can still do it, but it’s something to avoid...

Lastly, I'm a cute little girl with black hair running down to my lower back and emerald green eye, I will be without a doubt quite a beautiful woman in the future with my facial feature.

Harry Potter and The Lost One

Book&Literature · Ascian

koolsalad

2d

Replied to Jackal_Zirson

“Eleanore, for gods sake, come down! We are waiting for you to get here before we start!” :?

???: "Eleanore comes down for god sake we are waiting for you to begin."

Harry Potter and The Lost One

Book&Literature · Ascian

koolsalad

2d

Replied to Jackal_Zirson

Sciences work better, though saying “the sciences” is better in english as it makes more grammatical sense. Science: Singular. Sciences: Multiple.

-Study non-magical knowledge or what they call sciences.

Harry Potter and The Lost One

Book&Literature · Ascian

koolsalad

2d

Commented

Works due to the previous reference to another world, “thanks to my previous life” would be easier to understand. “thanks to my knowledge” would make more sense in english.

-Train my magical abilities, (Enough to protect myself or at least be able to flee if necessary) thank my knowledge.

Harry Potter and The Lost One

Book&Literature · Ascian

koolsalad

2d

Replied to Jackal_Zirson

(Even if I doubt that i have any relatives still alive... Because if they were, they would have visited me.) :?

-Try to contact the magical world and try to find any other family members. (Even if I doubt, I have relatives alive because if they were, they should have picked me.)

Harry Potter and The Lost One

Book&Literature · Ascian

koolsalad

2d

Commented

Classical works in this kind of tense... it would need extra writing to make more sense though. “I’m not your ordinary ignorant little girl” would probably work better for most occasions though. Classical works, but you need to show more information about the previous destination and reference it as a feudal type world. Then the paragraph would make more sense. So we use classical as (The classical era), slightly past feudal times... but the same in some ways.

First of all, I'm not your classical little 4 years old girl. I'm an orphan my parents were killed during a magical war, I stop you there before you ask why I'm not surprised about magic it's because I reincarnated, to be more precise I'm from a magical world where I was killed by some dragons and NO I'm not crazy… perhaps…

Harry Potter and The Lost One

Book&Literature · Ascian

koolsalad

2d

Replied to Anime_Asim

Technically its a fop out.

(AN: Here's what his dragon form and human form looks like)

Dragon In The Multiverse

Anime & Comics · TeeNo

koolsalad

17d

Replied to Fanfiction_Fanatic

If I wasn’t clear your day doesn’t matter to me, i dont have any plans to read this. I do not find it good for multiple points, there are better things to read.

"The Hufflepuff ring grants you the ability of semi-self sustenance, you will now only need to sleep once every two weeks for four hours"

Wizarding World: Arcturus Black

Movies · Fanfiction_Fanatic

koolsalad

17d

Replied to

I can link a few easily. Not that i intended to shit on your day but ultimately that doesn’t matter to me either, for however bad the story is its not terrible. If you introduced new plot points not re-used in fanfictions and branched off more from the hp franchise I’d even likely read more. For as bad as leadvone stealing witches is its like 7x better than yours and introduces plot points unique and not over-used. Up to chapter 10-15-20 or so I’d say take notes. Best of luck.

"The Hufflepuff ring grants you the ability of semi-self sustenance, you will now only need to sleep once every two weeks for four hours"

Wizarding World: Arcturus Black

Movies · Fanfiction_Fanatic

koolsalad

22d

Commented

A world that’s about to be at war, you have three wishes what do you choose? 1: A family that is a prime recruiting target for the most destructive party in the war, who does things like rape and murder. 2: The ability to turn into a very loud and conspicuous animal. 3: A pet cat. Even with the mind defence he doesn’t have any wishes for skills or power, so he’s going to be essentially an average wizard... [img=faceslap]

That is all.

In Wizarding World With Wishes

Book&Literature · Being_Humble

koolsalad

22d

Replied to ProSpect

No, it’s two. He uses a “.” So its split into two sentences through structure.

First wish:: I want to be born in a british wizarding family having no relation with voldemort and no casualty in the war due to death eaters.(Don't want to be spied by the Greater Good guy.) with all my memory intact and Occlumency.

In Wizarding World With Wishes

Book&Literature · Being_Humble

koolsalad

22d

Commented

Yes, my local bank has a world selection desk lmao

Then I came here(Reincarnation Counter), there are many counters like HELP DESK, WORLD SELECTION, just like we see in banks.

In Wizarding World With Wishes

Book&Literature · Being_Humble

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Attuoria | Harry Potter Fanfiction

Harry Potter and The Lost One

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Harry Potter and The Lost One

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Wizarding World: Arcturus Black

Wizarding World: Arcturus Black

In Wizarding World With Wishes

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