AizenJabberwock

6d

Commented

More and more of a candidate for "best fanfiction of all times" with each additional superb chapter.

ch 46 41: Savage Adventure Awaits!

AizenJabberwock

9d

Commented

I guess I won't be satisfied by this side development until he actually sits down on a PC to verify what's missing from the history of music and records a compilation of greatest hits under his name.

ch 26 Heartfelt Song

AizenJabberwock

10d

Commented

Having such a nice roommate in Hollywood is almost more unrealistic than his reincarnation.

ch 0 1 Lucas

AizenJabberwock

17d

Commented

In this universe yes, they sure like to patrol made up cities rather than actual ones..

I spent the day teleporting to major cities that I knew hosted heroes or interesting villains. The general population of Gotham visiting the Dead End was enough for me. While the bar could handle it, I didn't need the mundane business that, say, NYC brought me. For such a large city, New York had a surprising lack of capes.

Gotham's Dead End Bar

Anime & Comics · Daddy

AizenJabberwock

18d

Commented

So Harley that actually started the whole thing didn't get to take a proper taste? I would have never seen that coming! What a plot twist! o.o (and a great chapter to boot ofc ;))

ch 10 10: Harley CuckQuinn (18+)

Gotham's Dead End Bar

Anime & Comics · Daddy

AizenJabberwock

18d

Commented

Again with unnecessary real World references that just pull you out of the story, way to sour a mood.

A jolly roger was drawn on the paper while two Kalashnikovs were interrupting each other. It was like the Shanks crew's jolly roger, but in place of the swords were two Kalashnikovs (AK-47).

One Piece:The Lust System

Anime & Comics · Yass_Odyssey

AizenJabberwock

18d

Commented

Bro, since when energy drinks give actual power!? The way you worded this, I was 1000% sure he was just gonna get some restorative drink on a lower level of a dragon ball senzu bean, not a power up!

"I have finally broken through to Level C, and this energy drink has added 10,000 points to my physical strength!"

One Piece:The Lust System

Anime & Comics · Yass_Odyssey

AizenJabberwock

18d

Commented

What a glorious and more than welcome return! I had lost all hopes to ever read more of this wonderful work and I'm ever so glad to have been proven wrong! ^_^

ch 70 Nice

MARVEL: Scientific Path

Anime & Comics · PyteWriter

AizenJabberwock

19d

Commented

Close enough.

It's obviously Nami, who else would it be?"Oh... maybe her childhood friend,her name was... Karin right?"Ren said.

One Piece:The Lust System

Anime & Comics · Yass_Odyssey

AizenJabberwock

19d

Commented

Shouldn't he have asked this question BEFORE going on a robbery so that he could immediately store the loot in there on the spot!? -_-"

"Can I put things in order? Is there somewhere I can put my swords?" Ren asked directly.

One Piece:The Lust System

Anime & Comics · Yass_Odyssey

AizenJabberwock

19d

Commented

Probably the least useful of them all? All others can provide means of survival, mobility or being more stealthy in combat at the very least -_-"

-[Description: Rankyaku(Tempest Kick) is one of the six marine techniques, allows the user to generate slicing winds of force using the strength of their legs. This projectile appears as a wave of energy from the user's leg, generated by someone with a high level of strength and speed in their legs. These compressed air blades are incredibly powerful, able to easily cut through people and objects alike.]

One Piece:The Lust System

Anime & Comics · Yass_Odyssey

AizenJabberwock

19d

Commented

I hate people that want to go back with a passion, this guy just lost all my sympathy.

"Sigh… There must be a way back, just as I came into this world, there is a way out of it! No! I have to find it, and if not, I have to make the way home myself."

One Piece:The Lust System

Anime & Comics · Yass_Odyssey

AizenJabberwock

19d

Commented

No D.? Time to reroll xD

-Name: Ren Konabar

One Piece:The Lust System

Anime & Comics · Yass_Odyssey

AizenJabberwock

19d

Commented

Why would you make the initial rewards consumables on the off chance that the MC is a complete moron and hands them over to someone else instead of using them for himself? Just don't, save this wording for future rewards when he is already strong enough that handing down such things to his crew wouldn't feel insane, that's basic fanfic common sense..

-[Take away one girl's virginity, reward:Primary Observation Haki Cake]

One Piece:The Lust System

Anime & Comics · Yass_Odyssey

AizenJabberwock

19d

Commented

Well, the headshot surely messed with his language properties..

"Didn't I get shot directly in the head while clashing with the enemy army and I been killed?"

One Piece:The Lust System

Anime & Comics · Yass_Odyssey

AizenJabberwock

19d

Commented

If you didn't use Lightning and destroyed twice back to back the somewhat between epic and poetic style of narration that you tried to use would have worked (at least, for the most part), but those 2 repetitions completely ruined the mood. I strongly suggest an edit or repost with different words in their place.

The sea waves were unusual, the sky lost its bright light due to the black clouds that were looming on the horizon, and the annoying and loud thunder sound didn't stop while the lightning of the lightning shines the path between one time and the other. Amidst this raging marine storm, there was a semi-destroyed ship that quietly sailing, but if you looked well you would find many bodies lying on the destroyed deck,