Jccr - Profile

Jccr

Jccr

male LV 4

I really like Chinese novels

2018-07-20 Joined Colombia

Badges 3

Moments 49

Jccr
Jccr
Jccr
Jccr
1mth
Replied to Brezer
Well, in my opinion for magic you need both the physical and the mind, knowledge can be acquired, but you can't force the body to do something it's not ready for. But the main problem with doing such rapid development is that when it's done, stories tend to end prematurely, as the power of the character outweighs the plot development, unless you build a story in one fell swoop.
Jccr
Jccr
1mth
Replied to Brezer
If you want to get an idea of how amazing a story telling Harry's life after the seventh book is I recommend you read Casting Shadows and its prequel Harry Potter and they dance of death at Fanfiction.net.
Jccr
1mth
Replied to Brezer
What I'm saying is that magical power in my understanding of the Harry Potter world comes with time and magical talent, as in real life with anything, so a child under 11 years old with a few months of training however talented he and his teacher may be, will hardly master complex spells and dueling tactics, in just a few months, plus this would probably stall the story prematurely by making a Dumbledore level wizard at 14 or 15 years old which would be a shame because very few Harry Potter fanfics reach the seventh book line and/or go over it. And this one possesses that potential.
Jccr
1mth
Commented
Good chapter, but I don't know if the mc's training goes too fast take into account his age and at what age you want the mc to be rendered useless in school. In my opinion given his age it would be better to concentrate on the more theoretical subjects and less on advanced spells until I entered a school. This to avoid stagnating the story in the early years. And also be careful in this chapter I felt a little radical change in his personality compared to the first chapter so it is better that you define well how you want the personality of the mc and you let yourself to it. But as always that's my opinion. If you want a reference of how a growth in strength can be more suitable with a powerful master I recommend you to read "A flower for the Soul" in ff although modifying the rhythm a little more even.
Jccr
1mth
Commented
I really liked how you approached the eye of Alastor and Grindelwald, it would be nice to see a number of Oc or canon characters direct family of Grindelwald's acolytes as central members of the Mc circle to contrast with the direct family members of the Death Eaters, which would create a darker aspect to Hogwarts. which has "a lot of light people".
Jccr
Jccr
Jccr
Jccr
1mth
Posted
To begin with congratulations to the author for such an interesting start, and for planting such a "unique" mc construction. Now having so few chapters makes it hard to judge a story at first, so many times what starts out as something spectacular turns to crap. So in this review I will try from my experience as a reader of a lot of Harry Potter stories to give some parameters of what in my opinion differentiates a mediocre story from a good one. First is the beginning of a "villain" story, which is something that is rarely handled well, usually due to a lack of resistance to criticism from the authors. My advice if you are going to make a Grindelwald type character is not to do it half-heartedly, he has to be charismatic, manipulative, with a superiority complex, a bit detached from emotions and cruel. All of these characteristics have to be realistic and consistent, they can't be changed abruptly on a whim since the mc already had those characteristics at a young age. The second recommendation is to keep in mind that neither children are too smart nor adults are too dumb so the characters must be realistic, all adults cannot be easily manipulated nor can all children be naive, in other words use nuances. Third tip, and in my opinion what makes a story turn to shit. The world building should be "realistic" following the parameters Rowling builds in the Harry Potter world and innovating within them, in other words, no multi-verse travel, no talking dragons, or mystical powers of the founders, no Chinese novel type cultivation, no magical core, no accelerated growth, no mc being able to command adults as a child or teenager no matter how powerful he is (beware that this is a very common mistake), or that he is more powerful than Dumbledore in his first 5 or 6 years, etc. The important thing in my opinion is to plan the story well and have coherence with the world you are trying to raise, for example, Grindelwald is very hated by most in the magical world especially in the continent so being related to him is very dangerous so going to Hogwarts in a magical country where much of the high society is xenophobic and society is closed, besides being a breeding ground for young followers (as Voldemort did before he became a moron) is the right explanation why not to go to Dumstrang, a place where grandchildren of people killed by Grindelwald go. The last tip is don't rush the story, it has potential, many people will not like it and they are very vocal about it, but I assure you that many people like me like a cruel story, the one of a real villain, don't soften it to the (Mc). I also hope you don't concentrate on making the mc op give him time, he can be a genius but in life everything is time, no one can study 24 hours a day. This type of character should use politics like Tom Ridle in his time, concentrating on the young in, on the student body, adults do not follow children no matter how mature or powerful they are, is something to be proud of. Lastly don't forget Grindelwald is being hunted. Good luck with the story and to emphasize this is just my opinion and you don't have to follow it or share it. Lastly, I don't speak English very well so I translated it, sorry if I don't understand something very well.
Jccr
Jccr
Jccr
Jccr
Jccr
Jccr
Jccr
Review Details
Comments
Paragraph comments
Report user

Report inappropriate content
error Tip