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Scinian

Scinian

LV 4

A random dude who's addicted to reading. I draw sometimes and I enjoy watching anime.

2018-10-01 Joined Philippines

Badges 5

Moments 25

Scinian
Scinian
Scinian
Commented
Is it safe to show this to kids?
This paragraph has been deleted.
My Vampire System

My Vampire System

Fantasy · JKSManga

Scinian
Replied to Dhananjay_Kanwar_1855
I am impressed that you remembered that. Apparently, Quinn's bladder have dementia.

A black bag was thrown quickly over Quinn's head and his vision was completely covered. The gas started to slowly creep up on his consciousness, overpowering him. There was nothing he could do. His hand fell limply by the side and he dozed off, abandoning consciousness.

My Vampire System

My Vampire System

Fantasy · JKSManga

Scinian
Commented
What a bad soldier. Soldiers usually have protocols to avoid causing harm to civilians. Their training involves drilling these protocols to their bone. Unless it's an order from the government...or from fiction.

A black bag was thrown quickly over Quinn's head and his vision was completely covered. The gas started to slowly creep up on his consciousness, overpowering him. There was nothing he could do. His hand fell limply by the side and he dozed off, abandoning consciousness.

My Vampire System

My Vampire System

Fantasy · JKSManga

Scinian
Commented
This boy is kind of slow. You don't just check your system in public unless you want to announce it to the whole world and successfully become a lab rat.

Quinn's mood was lifted as soon as he saw the new daily quest. Unlike the one that required him to drink water, this was something that he could do naturally just by sleeping. If the system worked the same way it did in games he had heard about, that would mean that once Quinn had earned 100 Exp, he would be able to level up and also increase his stats.

My Vampire System

My Vampire System

Fantasy · JKSManga

Scinian
Commented
Not so different from the humans then.

Due to the war between humans and the Dalki, every individual was required to go to military school for the duration of two years. Although humans and the Dalki were currently embracing a peaceful period, nobody believed it would last forever. The Dalki were not to be trusted. Their taste and hunger for power and their desire to control creatures they considered to be beneath them could hardly be kept at bay.

My Vampire System

My Vampire System

Fantasy · JKSManga

Scinian
Commented
Wh-what? Just like that he downed two liters of water?! What no! This is physically impossible unless he's trying to torture himself by drinking water to the point of bursting.
This paragraph has been deleted.
My Vampire System

My Vampire System

Fantasy · JKSManga

Scinian
Commented
The Protagonist's ability book, of course!
This paragraph has been deleted.
My Vampire System

My Vampire System

Fantasy · JKSManga

Scinian
Commented
Second-hand embarrassment •-•

"Ok next! Wind, Wind, out!" Quinn did the same again, but there was nothing happening.

My Vampire System

My Vampire System

Fantasy · JKSManga

Scinian
Commented
The amount of mental stability this boy have had exceeded even a standard military man. Usually, one would be wary or have suspicion of insanity before trying to interact with a system that emerged out of nowhere. But... it's fiction so *shrugs*

It was strange, but he played along, curiosity fuelling him. His life was normally characterised by boredom as he had no friends, and was the loneliest child in the school. On the skills tab, Quinn wasn't really able to see much. Everything seemed to be locked and slightly greyed out, so he quickly moved on to the next tab,

My Vampire System

My Vampire System

Fantasy · JKSManga

Scinian
Commented
I wear glasses and this hurts more than being slapped by the end of a broom.

After patting his head all over, Quinn then went to pick up his glasses that had fallen on the floor not too far from him. Regrettably, only one lens that was left intact, still, Quinn put the glasses on out of habit. He felt a little disoriented and his vision became slightly blurry.

My Vampire System

My Vampire System

Fantasy · JKSManga

Scinian
Scinian
Scinian
Scinian
Posted
I know you're probably gonna hate me. But I found out that the most effective way to educate new writers is to be blunt to them. Okay here goes...it was bad. The premise is there, but it was just bad. To be fair, I'm going to post the good qualities and the bad qualities. Good Qualities: 1. The story utilizes a popular cliche of being isekai'd into a game. Added the fact that it was also a samurai-inspired game adds beauty and novelty to the story. 2. The story is straight-forward. It jumps right into the action which I like because sometimes reading about long-ass info dumps bore me to death. So far that's the only good thing I see. Now on to the stuff that needs improvement. 1. Grammar - It became increasingly evident to me that English is not your native language. Your capitalization, spelling, sentence structure reminds me of my writing when I was in first grade. I'm sorry but you have to hear the truth. Don't be discouraged though! Here's what you should do: 1. Read English Grammar books. I know it's boring but it's necessary. 2. Read well-written books. Grammar books bore me to death, I learned everything about English from well-writted novels. 3. If you have the resources you can try hiring a private tutor/an English teacher. 4. CONTINUE WRITING. Your writing is bad but so what? Writing is a skill so if you keep on writing it will eventually improve over time. 2. Pacing - Aah~ I was so confused reading this, to be honest. One second, Yuji was doing this, then suddenly Yuji was doing that. I have not even processed Yuji's character when BOOM! Aoi is suddenly here. Pacing your story is very important if you want to keep readership. How to improve pacing? Read novels (again) and observe how each authors pace their stories. 3. Dialogues - all types of dialogues should be enclosed in a dialogue tag! This is a dialogue tag: "" Dialogue tags help readers identify whether or not a character is speaking. Now why didn't I include this in [Punctuation]? This is because your dialogues are also horrible. Aoi is like: "I am an AI girl who'll help you dominate this entire world!" And Yuji is like "Yes, okay." ... What is up with that?! Real people do no talk like that! What you should do? Observe how real people talk in real life. I know, I know. 3D beings are horrible but deal with it :/ 4. Punctuation - What are punctuations? They are: [?.!,...] These punctuations help in separating and distinguishing sentences. How to improve upon them? Study grammar (ergo follow my advice on item number 1.) 5. Update time - I am a college student majoring on Literature and Creative Writing so I am more adept on traditionally published books. However, Webnovels are always my guilty pleasure so here goes: do you notice that most successful novels in this platform updates 7-16 chapter per week? I know. Crazy! That's an awful fucking lot. So you have to take what they do and increase your update time. Why? Because Webnovel algorithm doesn't notice novels with slow updates thus, less readers. If you want to increase readership then UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE! owo. ====================== That's all for today. You can take it with a grain of salt if this is just a practice novel. But if you're really looking forward to making it big then please consider my suggestions. I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOMEDAY AS A SUCCESSFUL AUTHOR! MORE POWER TO YOU! KEEP WRITING!
Scinian
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