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FrightKnight88: Frankly getting bored. The mc has dominated one chick outside the plots existing group of women she has in almost 20 chaps which is pretty sad for a story supposed to be based on it. Waiting for her to dominate the girlfriend of the girl she ****ed and the mom. But ya go ahead and make more of these chapters Author-san, that feel literally unimportant to the story building.

Eroge System · C19
1 day ago

Nirvanic_Sun: She rambles on too much. She will say the same thing three times in three different ways in a single paragraph.

The entire chapter can be summarized as"made the potion, decided to move to bonyari, let everyone know that I'm moving to bonyari."

She doesn't need too ask a question to herself about everything she talks about. Honestly, I skimmed through the chapter because the narration kept going on and on about nonessential things.

Eroge System · C19
1 day ago
At least author is honest
I can appreciate that
But couldve worded it A bit better ya know? View More
Dungeon System in DXD · C4
2 days ago
I see
Thanks View More

Crusade_Immortal: Hahahah if you didn't read the Strongest System it's a pill that is made by Lin Fan(Your's Truly) because of his shamelessness and sell it to every disciple(Men) in the Glory Sect hahaha to give glory to their manlihood(but still to rob them off their money) hahaha Biggra is an apphrodisiac.

The Strongest Omni Traveler · C187
3 days ago
Please do not mistake physical attraction and lust
With Love or anything close resembling it

Honestly i felt disgusted when you wrote he feels something The moment he sees The dungeon cores

Otherwise The females are too willing
Especially with The Kiss
Rokuko is fine with it Cuz it suits her character
Haku hell no
I can accept her accepting Rokuko kissing him to see her reaction
But why not ask for a kiss for herself?
Also
Shouldve made mc work for that kiss from haku in my opinion
Cuz like said
You make The females too easy
An ass to be ****ed and not a person
And I greatly dislike it
The part with The oldman
Generic but The better kind than most
So in that regard I think its fine
But mc responses were A bit boring at The start with The ghost part

Otherwise I think everything is fine
Not The best ive read but i cannot call this bad or sth
Really Depends on your writing skills now cuz this idea Has some potential View More
Dungeon System in DXD · C3
3 days ago
What The hell is a biggra? View More
The Strongest Omni Traveler · C187
3 days ago
Its not The system itself I think
But The Day youve introduced it into The story
At least it seems as The only possible reason
I myself
at First was also thinking about abandoning it
But im giving it A Chance here

When I read fate in title and see not a nasuverse system i was glad
Now i got A nasuverse system
Rather than A fate system
This is The problem
Were it changed into an original system
A lets say fate system
With a section of nasuverse summoning or gacha or sth
That wouldve been better
And There wouldnt be such A reaction

In essence its The feelings I got when i was done reading it

Your writing invoked The bad kind of feelings
Like The feel of being lied to?
Not sure really
Like
was expecting something
And got this instead of what i was expecting
Getting our hopes high and Then putting A dam to it?

Something like that

Honestly The whole fate part in these last chapters especially with The old Man
Feels like crap to me

Cannot explain exactly why cuz i myself do not now
But i think its cuz of how The interaction between these 2 are
Its boring and needlessly long
And while I can understand why mc triggers The old man
It for boring after The 1st time
The mc and old man were generic there

I personally disliked how you described everything like to A Brain dead person

I absolutely love when someone gives me an answer right at The beginning And leads me by nose to not see it until The end
Here I got a straitgher than straight answer that andwered The only question There is to answer in more ways than 1

Honestly i was here for a dragon
Not a human
I was here for adventure
The change it will bring
A dragon starting weak in A worlr where it wont let it grow and try to use it to their whim

And I got a sheltered dragon soon after
I can understand this
But There were some limits that Tiamat did not make
Mc was accepted as son
Sure and Tiamat role as mother is fine
And u used her good There
But later it changed from mother to i dont know what
It is not mother
Caretaker maybe
But even that is not sure due to how she behaved later
Guardian fits better i think Than mother

The idea is good overall
The way youve done it is poor sadly
The way you described it

You need to get The feelings right to convey what you intended

Right now I feel A mix between everything other than sad

Ah you might also need to work on making People hate The enemy
Cuz like in The case of vampire I wouldnt really Care much

It wasnt that bad
But again nothing special There
Generic
Why not make that vampire torture mc
Or try inflicting some trauma or something
To make readers hate him
Something like that

Hope this helps View More

GreatSage_Master1: I've seen all kinds of complaints, but the one that has surprised me the most is that a person says that he abandons the novel because he has a Fate System.

Seriously, why are you reading the novel in the first place?

Reincarnated as a dragon egg in DxD with a Fate System! · C29
4 days ago
Well i did not offend him
At most i said what i wouldnt call him
Example
Author
And said writer instead
Thats not The point
Point is
I myself would be embarassed to post some of the things he wrote about

And as A reader
Not a Pure fanfic one but LN and others too
I do expect some levelheaded content
In things I do read
Cuz when I do read i think The General idea behind The story Has some merit
But so far from those ive read in The last 8 years?
The truly impossible to describe in their creativity and ingenuity can be counted on A single hand of mine

While not same universe as this one
Fanfic
As N approaches infinity
Is incomparable to this one
And while I wont expect same level i do expect at least human reactions from A human mc or human like mc/nature

And honestly those unreal like responses are The worst things in this fanfic View More

ReyShii: maybe you are right.

but for me who is only a reader and not an author, that story is good in my opinion.

because I appreciate what they give to their readers, giving criticism and advice is OK if it doesn't offend the author.

because everyone also has a different opinion and mindset, also I'm sorry if my words are not fun 🙏🙏🙏

Dragon of DxD · C6
4 days ago
I wouldnt say anything if There is improvement with time

With such A Long wait for update I would say its enough to think through what is already written
Read some comments
And maybe try improving it in some General Areas
But sadly I was dissapointed
Thus my opinion formed View More
Dragon of DxD · C6
4 days ago
Ah i do not dislike The change to canon
I abhore The way his writing changed it
Not The fact he changed it

Much things done in this text
Are pointless
As in
1+0=1

Does something that later makes The thing done previosuly useless
Pointless
He inserted himself into that family
To later leave them
Sure it can be used somehow
But because of how The writer Has done it

Im lacking proper words to describe it really View More

DSKM: ma dude, this is the man story let him write it as he like, plus the fan fiction is there because, it the fans FICTION, meaning they can change the canon as they like to make it a AU, where they can realise their dreams and change stuff, so if you don't like it just stop reading this one and find another that fit your tastes or write one yourself.

Dragon of DxD · C6
4 days ago
Thats fine
I also do like if it were more than canon
But lets keep it level headed and in this case
Itw cuz of how badly it is written

It couldve been much better cuz The idea of using/getting shuri and giving some much needed chaos There
Is really appealing

But once again
Poorly written and seems like crap to me
Without any meaning View More

ReyShii: make bareqiel to be villian, not like a canon story and other fanfic

Dragon of DxD · C6
4 days ago
Well if he were to write it in A better way
Then yes

I absolutely love A mysterious way of conveying something
As in saying it straight to you but in A way you wont understand unless you think

But its not The case here cuz of how poorly it is done View More

DSKM: Plus maybe just maybe the MC lied to get Shuri to give up on her husband so he can have her for himself ever thought of that possibility?

Dragon of DxD · C6
4 days ago
And pray Tell
What is good in this?
Just curious View More

ReyShii: omega good joob sensei 😁👍

Dragon of DxD · C6
4 days ago
Yes barakiel wanted to kill his offspring
Even though for grigori fallen children are precious
They even get guards cuz of how important to them they are
ESPECIALLY from A 10 winged commander

And you say he wanted to kill his offspring
Are you fucking kidding me?

All you did so far in this text can be said in 3 words
Destroyed plot
Nothing

What was The point even for The devils part if mc just erases it later
What
U got an idea and later decided u do not like it but chose to leave it as is and just change The result cuz it will be more words and less Time spend on writing?

Not to mention other aspect
That A story falls under in reviews

Cuz I cannot call this crap A story
Merely wish thinking
And reorganizing dxd universe to your image of how it is supposed to be
0 plot
0 story context
At best if it can even qualify which I think btw does not - world building View More
Dragon of DxD · C6
4 days ago
Seriously this is such A bullcrap

I do understand what you wish to do here
over godlike mc?
Fine
Go ahead
But for fucks sake keep it level headed
When I read this all I can think is how The **** your communicating with others if what u wrote you see as Social interaction
Fuck even children are not that dumb
Seriously my biggest problem here is how unreal and unfuckingbelivable conversations and reactions are
Even your grammar which is poor at best
Is better in comparison to your model of a heart to heart talk with a complete Total met just A minute ago stranger

Gosh it got me so pissed off
To see such delusional level attempt at relaying words
Not feelings mind you
But words in this case View More
Overpowered Beast (Worm CYOA Multicross) · C3
5 days ago

neobenmike: Hello stranger, let's get married
Sure thing fellow stranger
And thus both strangers got together for plot convenience

Overpowered Beast (Worm CYOA Multicross) · C3
5 days ago
Good thinking
Idea Has Great merit
But it was executed so so poorly
You should rethink how it goes and rewrite into something better View More
I’ve became an Overmind in Star Wars?? · C14
1 week ago
You need some update on dxd lore
Ingvild leviathan is sick
Sickness as in she cannot Wake up
And is asleep for The last century or more
Is aware whats happening but cannot leave her dream/mind
And thats only when she becomes more concious
Not sure of details cuz it was a Long Time ago that i read this View More
Neeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww · C0
1 week ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
Nanomancer Reborn - I've Become A Snow Girl? · C232
1 week ago
Much better than The previous attempt View More
The Strongest Omni Traveler · C186
1 week ago

PanKeRio: Elizabeth bathory
Evil and A dragon
And is weak
Fits

Reincarnated as a dragon egg in DxD with a Fate System! · C0
1 week ago
Elizabeth bathory
Evil and A dragon
And is weak
Fits View More
Reincarnated as a dragon egg in DxD with a Fate System! · C0
1 week ago
Well now this is nice
A good chapter
Thanks for your work View More
Is It Wrong To Be A Khajiit in a dungeon · C12
1 week ago
English is my 3rd language and when in highschool i had the option to learn french but decided not to cuz i did not have enough time so dont take this to me
As I am not a genius in this but manage decently
Well as your high school Then guess this is a learning experience for you
Well i suggest asking ur teacher for some things ur not sure about
Dont have to say it writing or anything
Just that you were trying to do sth and are not sure how to write it properly
Just some examples or tips to follow
Might even show some grammarly text and ask if it is proper or not
It teacher wont disagree if u Ask nicely and might even get some bonus points if u say ur writing something in English and u wish to improve

This is life use everything at your disposal to improve BUT beware The consequences
And you will be fine View More

littlekami: My native language is not English so I can't check or what. I have grammarly but I have to pay it but I don't have money since I'm just a highschool student.

Neeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww · C0
1 week ago
Ehh this is some serious crap here
The only positive comments are from those desperate enough or too young to get some
And wish to see Some r18 content

Really everything was pointed out in other comments so no point saying it again

I will just ask A single question
What is The point of writing this text?
Cuz I wont call it A book novel or sth like that
What can The mc do in this story other than r18 content
That would have any point or reason of doing it
I am really trying not to insult The one that wrote this
But i dont know what to call this other than by insults
Its that ridiculous to me that only insults come to my mind as A description View More
Dragon of DxD · C5
1 week ago

Asim1998: Half of the things I read made me cringe in disgust

Dragon of DxD · C5
1 week ago

DKILLER1: I'm also confused why he needed to be human when he doesn't need to fear in the world as he is the strongest.
Too many plot holes i,e
1. Becoming human(No reason mentioned or i forgot to read that part)
2. Becoming brother of issei/sister(Same as above)
3. Leaving his sister to rias as well as leaving his parent(Same as above)
4. Isn't he strongest in the universe, so why he needs to do the above 3.

btw story is good but too many plot holes makes it less interesting.

Dragon of DxD · C5
1 week ago

Asim1998: Author doesn't know crap about Writing a proper novel

Dragon of DxD · C5
1 week ago

Haise99: Yeah,, I don't understand too...
Why become isse brother so important anyway??
I get it you want him to insert into canon but common dude he's almighty dragon god,, have shame a little for playing weak little human 😑😑

Dragon of DxD · C5
1 week ago
I am not writing A novel here you know?
And it would be fine were you to improve bit by bit
And it was going in The Good direction till this
Still
Seen worse and I still can understand what u mean View More

littlekami: So it's fine.

Neeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww · C0
1 week ago
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