• Joined Apr 2019
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  • Realist, Nihilist, Agnostic, and Antinatalist. An Old soul trapped in an Adult's body, its mind lost in Childhood dreams. Honest and Responsable. Stubborn...

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    Published more than 50000 words on Webnovel

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  • Ergon V

    Ergon V

    Sci-fi

    4.6

    "In a not so distant future, five teenagers are selected for an advanced antiterrorist unit, having to balance their personal lives with their new responsibilities to avoid world chaos." 2035. A world on the verge of a new large-scale war due to lack of resources has found a way to generate clean, self-sustaining energy. Nuclear plants all over it have been reused on the basis of this miraculous discovery conducted by the energy conglomerate Cytek. This company has recently expanded its horizons and developed mass consumption products such as cybernetic limb prostheses, their latest success. However, media from all over the world claim it has secretly developed vehicles, weapons, and many other military-grade prototypes. From terrorist groups to entire nations, everyone seeks to seize these new technologies, boosting the worldwide wave of violence and terror. In response, the United Nations has endorsed the questioned “Sentinels” initiative, a global military force funded by its most powerful nations. Nobody doubts this project has been carried out only by the enormous pressure exerted by international financial capital. What no one suspects, what no one even imagines, is the dark origin behind these new technologies, capable of completely changing the course of humanity... ***** Discord Server: https://discord.gg/qZDtHbW ***** PS: The design of the cover is mine, but the main illustration is a montage between two images that aren't mine. PS2: Since English is not my native language, any kind of constructive criticism around this aspect of my prose will be welcomed.

Moments

CypherWulf2k19: Doing good so far from what I read. The story as I observed has good descriptions not only on the events and but also the actions of the characters. It is action filled and does not bore you, in fact I got hooked up. You are doing a great job!

Ergon V
7 months ago

stella2138: I like your synopsis and i can tell that it's gonna be a great book. please keep writing.don't sleep
but i think you should change the cover(though not really necessary).
this current cover's aura is different from the one your story possesses.

Ergon V
7 months ago
It took me longer than I expected, so the next chapter will be ready for tomorrow. I had to do a major rewrite of my original draft, especially since I added a big action scene. View More
Ergon V · C19
7 months ago
The content has been deleted
Ergon V · C19
7 months ago

RenuKakkar: Update

Writing Quality: The author has a good vocabulary and the style of narration holds one’s attention. Some issue about the use of his and her, otherwise I did not see any glaring mistakes. The description is well done and dialogues are less at present and they may increase later on. I find the chapters are too long for me to read as I prefer to read and grasping everything. But maybe long Chapters are the in thing on web novel.

Story Development and Stability of Updates: The plot is based military/ police and political issues. The progression of the story is smooth with regular updates. There is mystery and action in each chapter indicating that there is something big when we read later chapters.

Character design and World Background: Good development of the characters but it is too early to know a lot about all the characters in the novel. Story is progressing and the personality is slowly being revealed of the main character. The setting of the novel is a futuristic Japan.

In a nutshell this is a novel that encompasses action politics, warlike tactics, criminals, bad guys and the good guys.

Ergon V
7 months ago
Reading Status: C36
The author's prose is quite simple but attractive, the sentences flowing smoothly. There are only a couple of minor errors that will not alienate readers from their reading flow. The author also does a good job when mixing paragraphs of the characters with informative segments. As for the rate of updates, it looks pretty constant so far.

The story progresses slowly but surely at the moment. Just past half of the chapters published so far (and especially two thirds into it) the main conflict begins to unravel, as the story focused initially on introducing multiple characters throughout each chapter. Perhaps the author could have allowed herself to leave certain segments of his characters for later, or perhaps she could have intermixed them more with the plot itself so that it would have progressed more effectively.

As for the characters, I have to give credit to the author. Considering that she had to focus on so many at the same time, they are all quite well-fleshed-out, written and portrayed convincingly so that readers can connect to them properly.

The fictional universe, perhaps, is the greatest strength in this story. The plot remains within realistic margins for much of its stretch (I read that the author had to change from "realistic" to "science" fiction, and I certainly understand the reason). A lot of what I've read so far is focused on a group of students camping, and the author certainly knows how to make you feel part of that experience, from minor details to the exploration of nature itself.

In general terms, this is a rather compelling slow-paced and character-driven story for nature lovers and readers looking for more grounded, adventure-themed sci-fi stories. View More
Trapped in Time
7 months ago

PsyberRose: First off, I would never have touched this novel if it wasn't for the review swap as I do not read this sort of genre. Military / army style of noves are a bit too heavy for me as I like to read light hearted novels.

Secondly, English isn't my first language so I can't comment on any writing style or prose or grammar. All that I say is based on my own personal 'feeling' and likes/dislikes.

I find that this is a very well written novel. I gave it a 5* even though I do not know if the updates are stable or not but it appears to be so far. The writing quality is good, the characters are all interesting and you can see how they develop/grow - plus their interaction with each other. They are human yet extremely capable.

All in all, it was a good read. All the best Author!

Ergon V
7 months ago

Daoist_Food: Your novel has a great plot, I love the synopsis, and from what I can see your updates are stable and consistent. Great job and good luck! :)

Ergon V
7 months ago
The content has been deleted
Ergon V · C16
7 months ago

PsyberRose: Interesting start. Personally, I found it engaging and nice. Just letting you know that I've started reading for the review swap but will take a bit of time as currently busy. Thanks!

Ergon V · C1
7 months ago
Thank you, my dear editor-in-chief! View More

Shirokitsune: Keep up the good work Ken!! I look forward to seeing how your story will continue <3

Ergon V · C14
8 months ago

Shirokitsune: Keep up the good work Ken!! I look forward to seeing how your story will continue <3

Ergon V · C14
8 months ago

Daddy_Ike: I won't do my usual pros and cons here, since there's only like a single problem. I'm not a BIG sci-fi reader, so I'll judge the story based on its fundamentals.

Disclaimer: Please don't take offense with anything I'm about to say. If you want me to go more in depth, you can message it right here (or PM, if there is any here). What I am going to criticize here is also what I'm dealing with my own story.

So here are my first impressions.

There are a lot of good qualities in this story, notably the descriptions and characters. Though a bit vague for some of the characters, it may be your worthwhile to invest some time into them and get to know more about each one. The author is able to describe the scene as if you were in the lens of the individual, which grants a perspective that may be vital in the long run. I'm not that much a grammar nazi, but there are some issues with phrasing and such, but it's not that detrimental to be a huge turn off.

Now here lies the problem: the info drop and expectations.

It's interesting to see two or more characters interact with each other, but does the next following sentence really need a massive info-dump after it? It's okay once in a while, but if you have it mostly in every single piece of dialogue (from what I see), there are going to be problems. The dialogue is supposed to show emotion and characterization, which makes the story more interesting, and that's what the reader expects from such. So the reader's expectations of seeing character dialogue would be like "Oh, here comes another wall of text", because that's what I'm getting here.

My advice is to leave out the details the reader NEED to know other than giving them unnecessary details. Also, it is best to reveal such details through character dialogue, actions, or thoughts since it's more of a natural way. Don't do this too much though, since there are some things you're going to have to explain to the reader.

That's the one thing I have to criticize and since I'm not a grammar nazi, like I said before, there's no other MAJOR issues at the moment. I'll sink my teeth in more and perhaps, follow along the author's progress.

These are my thoughts on your story. Have a good day.

Ergon V
8 months ago

RenuKakkar: The novel shows great promise. I have just begun reading and on the 2nd chapter. The quality of the writing is good.
Slight grammatical errors which can be ignored.

At places the writer seems aloof as if watching the view from another angle.

At the time of writing this review, I was on the first few posts. Hence, I cannot take a decision as I are still at the nascent stage.

A good read. Hope I get time to read.

Ergon V
8 months ago
Thanks for continuing reading my story! You'll still have to wait a little longer for the "definitive" explanation of the issue of adolescents as military operatives, so you will have to be patient if you want to draw final conclusions. Only one thing: would it bother you to remove the previous review in favor of this updated one? xD View More

Gilhena: Second review.
This is my second, and likely last review. I have issues. Probably just me though so take whats said with a grain of salt.
This review covers everything up through chapter 7.

Writing quality is good. If there are any large grammatical errors I haven’t noticed them. The author has pit a-lot of thought into his world, however the frantic amount of small info dumps about every little thing is draining to read. Hopefully the info dumps will be less frequent as the story progresses.

Story, the base story seems solid. , the world governments have come together to work on a super soldier program of some kind. They have developed super suits and genetics matter for how well you can pilot those super suits.
Negative point. genetics is a ****ty excuse for only having teenagers as pilots. Genetics don’t get worse as you get older, they are just rare so there is 0 excuse for older genetics matches to exist.
—teenagers because their bodies can better adapt to stress the suits put is a better reason
— teenagers because the brain interface is harmful for adults(as its experimental) is a good excuse.
But genetics doesn’t explain why no adults, and that is what needs to be covered. Genetics just means there will always be low numbers.

Character design 2 stars
Characters hampered by the genetics thing
Also, main pilots are kids of the main researcher guy.
(Why not just say dad blew all the money on his kids getting super suits).
Third character issue. The teens are trusted to make their own calls in the field. Just because the kid is the only iron man suit pilot doesn’t mean you say “Billy, we absolutely trust you to make all the decisions”. Thats literally insane.
You give the kid a handler, like how Spiderman had Happy.
“Billy, this is Brad, while you are in the field, Brad will be giving you constant updates on what else is going on, and if backup has been called”.
4th issue. Male **** does his solo act, wrecks the city due to being a ****, then states “we need to stop underestimating them”. Implies he has ****ed up vs one arm mans group before, and no one in charge gave a damn.
5th. So far sister is a sassy sniper who defaults to brothers judgement. And has mental issues from something in the past. WHY is she in the field!!!
6th. I have very few friends in high-school, and none of them would care if i snitch on the school druggies, but I won’t because it may hurt my social bull****!!!

World background. It is obvious alit of thought has gone into the world. The mass background feels like it is getting pushed fast onto the reader though.
As of chapter 7 we have a secret gov org, a secret hacker org working with one armed man, high school social issues, refugee issues, global terrorists, family problems between MC and their dad, death scares about MC’s brother, a sexy voiced police phone operator, beautiful nurse almost romance, super suits, military cyborgs, and an unknown global deadline for the org to get enough operators to deal with unknown.
It is only chapter 7 darn it. Isn’t this a little fast?

Despite the issues, the author has put a-lot of effort into this story and it shows. I look forward to continuing reading and seeing the author and story improve.

Ergon V
8 months ago

Gilhena: Second review.
This is my second, and likely last review. I have issues. Probably just me though so take whats said with a grain of salt.
This review covers everything up through chapter 7.

Writing quality is good. If there are any large grammatical errors I haven’t noticed them. The author has pit a-lot of thought into his world, however the frantic amount of small info dumps about every little thing is draining to read. Hopefully the info dumps will be less frequent as the story progresses.

Story, the base story seems solid. , the world governments have come together to work on a super soldier program of some kind. They have developed super suits and genetics matter for how well you can pilot those super suits.
Negative point. genetics is a ****ty excuse for only having teenagers as pilots. Genetics don’t get worse as you get older, they are just rare so there is 0 excuse for older genetics matches to exist.
—teenagers because their bodies can better adapt to stress the suits put is a better reason
— teenagers because the brain interface is harmful for adults(as its experimental) is a good excuse.
But genetics doesn’t explain why no adults, and that is what needs to be covered. Genetics just means there will always be low numbers.

Character design 2 stars
Characters hampered by the genetics thing
Also, main pilots are kids of the main researcher guy.
(Why not just say dad blew all the money on his kids getting super suits).
Third character issue. The teens are trusted to make their own calls in the field. Just because the kid is the only iron man suit pilot doesn’t mean you say “Billy, we absolutely trust you to make all the decisions”. Thats literally insane.
You give the kid a handler, like how Spiderman had Happy.
“Billy, this is Brad, while you are in the field, Brad will be giving you constant updates on what else is going on, and if backup has been called”.
4th issue. Male **** does his solo act, wrecks the city due to being a ****, then states “we need to stop underestimating them”. Implies he has ****ed up vs one arm mans group before, and no one in charge gave a damn.
5th. So far sister is a sassy sniper who defaults to brothers judgement. And has mental issues from something in the past. WHY is she in the field!!!
6th. I have very few friends in high-school, and none of them would care if i snitch on the school druggies, but I won’t because it may hurt my social bull****!!!

World background. It is obvious alit of thought has gone into the world. The mass background feels like it is getting pushed fast onto the reader though.
As of chapter 7 we have a secret gov org, a secret hacker org working with one armed man, high school social issues, refugee issues, global terrorists, family problems between MC and their dad, death scares about MC’s brother, a sexy voiced police phone operator, beautiful nurse almost romance, super suits, military cyborgs, and an unknown global deadline for the org to get enough operators to deal with unknown.
It is only chapter 7 darn it. Isn’t this a little fast?

Despite the issues, the author has put a-lot of effort into this story and it shows. I look forward to continuing reading and seeing the author and story improve.

Ergon V
8 months ago

Chryiss: Grammar & Style:



These were intertwined, so I just stuck them together.

Some structural mistakes/awkward phrasing. For example: “Such unfortunate his words were…” (Chapter 1) It should be “How unfortunate his words were…” or just simply add on “Unfortunately, a man….” I can kind of see what that line was supposed to create in terms of setting up the irony of the following situation. But I don’t think it’s all that necessary as it doesn’t add much to writing voice. It would be more shocking to just jump into the next scene like, “ ‘It's not as if we were going to get in his way where we are.’ Suddenly, a man appeared out of nowhere in the path of the patrol..” Or even just fiddle around with the transition more and consider other possibilities like, “Directly after his words, a man suddenly appeared…” Or “ ‘It's not as if we were going to get in his way all of a sudden.’ Yet like a ghost out of nowhere, a man appeared out in the path of the patrol.” There multiple ways to make the transition more dramatic and fluid. Other contrast words like “however, despite, yet” could also be implemented.

Your descriptions are great, but to be honest, they can be overdone in the sense that action needs to be quicker. In chapter 2, the whole chase scene felt slow and undramatic. It lacked in suspense by focusing on details that seemed unnecessary to the scene. It might’ve been due to the fact that it felt like a sequence of events rather than being in that scene, watching with bated breath. The lack of sounds or dialogue too made it seem oddly quiet. Usually, in these spaces, lack of dialogue could be countered with introspection. The scene is almost too detailed to make a visual—something that I had difficult too before my rewrite. Even after, it’s still not perfect, but at least with my descriptions, the visuals were necessary for creating the fantasy setting. Here, every detail of the city scene from the route 416 to ramps to various paths and lanes cause some discombobulation for the reader in trying to map out the exact course of Blue Jaguar.

Lastly, this description: “Before him, the copious trees saturated the road with a beautiful green color fresh from the last buds of spring, its leaves whispering by the wind and shimmering by the moisture and the lamp poles. A central flowerbed full of grass and surrounded by guardrails separated the lanes of the artery that flowed in both directions.” It felt out of place in the scene. I could see it being used as a form of disquiet, like it’s too quiet and something is happening, listening and surveying the seemingly peaceful area before something happens. But instead it lacks a transition or reason for the lengthy detail. Why does knowing the flowers make any difference to the action in the story? What significance do they have? For example, when I show the various plants (in the rewrite) they’ll all used for some reason whether to evoke amazement, astonishment, fear, or physically used to hit or take (like the berries off). In short, each visual description should have some significance. If for settings, then a reason for why it’s important to include in order to set up the settings.

Strangely, on one hand, I appreciate the slowing down, but on the other the quietness of the actions made it feel like watching a movie in slow mo that flicked to every detail of the setting, but the sound was muted. So you could keep most of the detailed stuff as long as it became more dynamic and evoke more of the senses.



Story & Characters:



Again, these two intertwined for me.

The beginning shows the relationship and some of the characters’ personalities while also giving a tidbit into Yoshiro’s reason for being a policeman. This is good on a character-wise level, but moving on from here…

The beginning as a whole is a bit hard to follow because it switches the “MC” point of view from initially Yoshiro to then Blue Jaguar to then Kazuto in a span of five chapters. At least Kazuto was connected

Ergon V
8 months ago
Tragic but excelent start! View More
Free and Unfettered · C1
8 months ago
Reading Status: C44
Although this is not the kind of stories I usually read, this novel performs quite well the "gender bender" premise considering that it remains within the normal parameters of the genre. The protagonist is well developed, her story and adventures turning out to be a pleasure to read.

The prose of the author is very good and flows almost effortlessly, accompanied by a good pace of the story. There are practically no grammatical or typos errors, which further strengthens the author's writing work. The WorldBuilding process advances effectively along with the plot, which expands convincingly and attractively for those who have been hooked by it.

With a constant and ideal rhythm of updates for a site like this, I can not see how someone who is interested in stories of fantasy, romance, vampires, and who has found it compelling since the first chapter does not want to continue reading this story. View More
Free and Unfettered
8 months ago
:lol: View More

JuanLopez196: Finally...

Ergon V · C12
8 months ago

jensseng: Updates: Looks pretty stable and consistent so it works for me.

Writing: The author has a rich vocabulary and the narration style captures the reader’s attention and immerses them. There was a balance of descriptions and dialogues, and chapters were long enough to add layers to the plot and character little by little. However, there were some awkward phrasing and I noticed there were incorrect usage of pronouns in every chapter I’ve read thus far. For example, when the author is narrating in Saori’s POV about her brother, it’ll be “his brother”. Or when narrating in Hayato’s POV, it’ll be “her sister”, or in Tetsuya’s POV it’ll be “her daughter” etc. Of course they’re minor grammatical errors and won’t stop a reader from enjoying the full story, but it does throw the reader off course since it happens a few times in every chapter.

Also in this example (and similar ones in the text have been noted): “After she exchanged her shoes for slippers—which were stored in shoe racks next to the door—, she followed […]” The comma after long dash is not needed since it already acts to replace the comma. Again, these are very minor issues and author won’t lose readers from it but since I noted that these errors were repeated several times, I thought I’d bring it up to attention.

Story & World: The plot is heavily focused on political/military action and it is moving at a gradual speed. The progression of the story also smoothly connects to the world design. There are enough mysteries and action in each chapter to keep the readers on their toes. The way the author narrates the plot you can tell that something big will happen later in the story; taking small, detailed steps and building towards the climax/arc.

Characters: The development of the characters is excellent at this point. It is still early in the story but we are able to learn bits and pieces of the character’s personality and past with each chapter. They each have their own unique traits and are easy to differentiate, which makes them less 2D. My favourite’s gotta be Saori at the moment. She’s got demons of her own but definitely not a damsel in distress.

Overall, if you are looking for a story with action, thrills, politics and military tactics then this story is definitely for you!

Ergon V
8 months ago

JuanLopez196: Finally...

Ergon V · C12
8 months ago

j0w1l: You can do this Saori...

Ergon V · C11
8 months ago

Rxel: Beautiful. I have to say that the story so far is masterfully written and effortlessly immersive. The descriptions used are lovely and draw the reader in. The action in this story is written in such a way that makes you feel you are there on the scene.

The story is currently moving at a moderate pace and the world building is currently great. The quality of the writing is better than a lot of the novels on this website. There are little to no grammatical errors that I can currently find.

Looking forward to more! Keep up the good work, author :)

Ergon V
8 months ago
Reading Status: C11
A shameless review to add the part that I decided to eliminate from the synopsis here, for those who want to get a better idea of what the story is about:

It's Power Rangers meets The Dark Knight: a more mature take on the concept of the popular kids’ show aimed at young adults, packed with military-like/martial arts action, unforgettable characters and classic elements from thrillers. Just imagine the difference between the 60s’ Batman TV show and the recent Nolan movies, both having the same basic concept… In strictly literary terms, this novel will appeal to those who enjoy thrillers with techno, military and political elements (Barry Eisler, Vince Flynn or Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six; Deus Ex: Icarus Effect would be a good example since the Deus Ex universe, particularly its setting and atmosphere, is one of my greatest sources of inspiration), those who read novels for young adults with teenagers facing life or death situations (The Hunger Games), and those who are fascinated by the world of Anime (Sword Art Online: Phantom Bullet, All you need Is Kill or Fate/Zero; Neon Genesis Evangelion, although not a light novel, would be an excellent example, especially when it comes to its partial school setting and the psychological dilemmas the characters face throughout the story). Finally, this story has its share of character-driven and building-towards-big-events plot style reminiscent of one of my favorite literary sagas, A Song of Ice and Fire. View More
Ergon V
8 months ago

MJohn16: Promising start for this novel. I hope the author can keep at least this rate of updates. Some minor grammatical errors, but nothing to be scared of.

UPDATE

Looking good so far. The author is doing a great job with the characters and the worldbuilding.

Ergon V
8 months ago

Lui610: Fastastic job! Loving the characters and the setting so far. The protagonists are compelling very easy to identify with. I hope after these last few slow-paced chapters something awesome will follow!

Ergon V
8 months ago
Reading Status: C16
The author does a very good job in her narrative in the first person of the past. The characters are quite well outlined besides the protagonist, whose dark background is present at all times in the aggressive world she inhabits. The first few chapters can be a bit long and even depressive, but the plot is bearable, and it becomes less fatidic as the chapters succeed one another.

The poetry of the synopsis' excerpt may not be present in the prose at all times, but it's still explicit in both the narrative and the plot. The setting is well developed without being overwhelming, and while there are some grammatical errors here and there, it is not something to be worried about.

I'll be honest. This kind of romance stories are not my cup of tea, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate them. I think readers of mature romance stories with some violence and drama nuances in them will find exactly what they are looking for in this novel. View More
It Had to Be You
8 months ago
I doubt she likes you to call her in that way... View More

j0w1l: Hang in there, Saori-chan u.u

Ergon V · C8
8 months ago

j0w1l: Hang in there, Saori-chan u.u

Ergon V · C8
8 months ago
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