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Moments

Reading Status: C16
This is a review from Chapter 1 to chapter 16 and so the things I discussed in my review might have been fixed already,
writing Quality-2- The sentences could be better. It seems you fond of using 'to' in explaining the motives of actions. Consider trusting your readers. An example can be found in chapter 2.

'Once they had stepped inside, he reached for the button to send them to the ground floor.'

This can be changed to

'Once they had stepped inside, he reached for the ground floor button.'

Another example can also be found in chapter 2.
'the elevator chimed again to let them know that they had reached their destination.'

This can be changed to

'the elevator chimed and the door opened. They had arrived'


Using 'to' is a little jarring. Aside from that, sentences can be shorter too. Take this example from chapter 12.

'His own path to the office was made simpler by the private elevator that took him straight from the parking garage to the thirty-second floor where his office was.'
The sentence is too long. The longer the sentences get, the weaker they are. Shorter sentences are easier to understand. Also better words could have been used in expressing the idea.
'A private elevator eased his access from the garage to his office in the thirty-second floor.'
or
'A private elevator simplified his access from the garage to his office in the thirty-second floor.'
The thing is, readers don't actually want to read. They say they do but that is a misconception. Nobody wants to read. Reading is a tedious process. What the readers want is the information from. So if writers can express a story in a thousand words rather than two thousand, then that would ease the burden of reading. The job of writers is to lull the readers into believing a tale they crafted with the shortest word count possible.



Stability of updates- 5- I don't really care much about stability of updates. Automatic 5.

Story Development - 3- The story is about falling from heights and rising again with the help of several characters. As of chapter 16, the story is still kicking off which is partly because of the short chapters (which is not a bad thing). It feels like a slice of life novel despite being presented with an interesting conflict. Nothing much is happening. But I can see that the story needs to trek the path of being docile for now. Chance is still adjusting after all. I suggest bringing a few side conflicts to spice this slow beginning. Personality conflicts, backstories, things like that. But honestly, I can't really say much. I've already put the story in my library. I will resume reading soon and hopefully I can make another review after catching up with the latest chapters.

Character Design-3- Chance is a broken man. What happened to him was tough. His journey from being broken into rising up again is a little fast in my opinion. Other than that I don't really have problems.

World Background- 5- I don't get why Webnovel has this aspect in reviews. World background? What does that mean? If it means magic systems and the worlds in isekais, then what about novels which are not fantasies? They could have replaced this with dialogue or something.

Additional notes- I have no qualms about the changing of perspectives. It happened a few times that I thought the perspective is in third person omniscient. But seeing the potential of the mystery surrounding Fait's character and the other mysteries too, I think omniscient point of view is a poor choice.

Final score- I added 1 full star as consideration. Webnovels are not published novels after all. 4.6 View More
Second Chance Addison
2 months ago
The content has been deleted
Second Chance Addison
2 months ago
Reading Status: C24
The author requested this review to be done from chapter 17 onward.
Writing Quality- 2- Note that 2 is actually better than 90 percent of all novels in this platform. The prose is a bit awkward with long sentences separated by commas. In writing we must focus on giving rich sentences. Short sentences are powerful (But it doesn't mean that we should make all sentences short. It will sound awkward). Also there are unnecessary words which could have been trimmed. Take the beginning of chapter 22 for example.
'It wasn't an easy sleep, however, as every little noise wake her up. And then every time she would double check the locks on the doors, losing precious minutes of sleep every time'
This could be cut to
'Every fleeting noise jarred her sleep. She would check the locks with every waking, precious minutes of sleep lost'

You don't have to tell the readers that her sleep wasn't easy. All of us experienced this kind of hellish sleep before.

There are typos and incorrect spellings but once again, your novel is better than most in this aspect. We make mistakes and without editors, we cannot perfect every word.

One more problem I saw is the occasional transition to omniscient point of view. I forgot where but this did happen a few times. It is not a big problem though some readers will notice it.

Stability of Updates- 5 - I rate every novel 5. Not many readers know this but a single chapter would take hours to write.

Story Development- 3- Chapter 17 to 35 focuses on Dene, the MC's mother. I rate this high as her story didn't feel like a backstory at all (Given, it is 18 chaps long). Her rise from a defeated wretched is a compelling tale. Do note that the standard I used is based on published novels. 5 stars would be story development rivaling Mistborn or something.
Character Design- 4- Dene is a great character. Her personalities are fleshed out and she feels real. The readers would understand her actions. The dialogues are also great. The author slips world building and personality traits into dialogues pretty well. 5 stars in this would be character design equal to Glokta in The Blade Itself.

World Background- 4- It is a normal fantasy world with kingdoms and such sprinkled with unique things. Cultures and the people were explained well. I can't really say more about this as I don't fully grasp what Webnovel means by 'World Background'

Additional thoughts.
Although my review only spans chaps 17-35, I think the author should cut the prologue. It is too long and feels like a different genre. Prologues are meant to present a flavor to the readers. It is like the first sniff of coke or something (for the lack of better analogy. Don't do drugs kids.).

Final thoughts.

This is a great novel. I can't say much about the MC but Dene's story is rich with her character. 95th percentile compared to the other novels here is my estimate. View More
Duality
2 months ago
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