tuba_san

After saying this the panther brought yang shi, into a cave. What yang shi saw caused him to vomit. Inside the cave was an open space, with a pool in the center, the pool was filled with dark red liquid, which was apparently human blood. Littered around it was countless bones, with four pillars at four corners. 'so, the so-called altar is an ancient formation, hmm, some runes aren't at its correct place and the blood energy is not enough the formation, Wait, hoe did I know this, Ah its the memory of that man"." who have you brought little black?" a voice boomed in the cave.

Gate of Immortality

Eastern · starry8sword

tuba_san

3yr

Commented

Try to space out your sentences and aim for shorter paragraphs. Also for system interface, try to write it like '[System] blablabla [Quests] blablabla' by spacing it out and giving a system feel.

ch 0 6 I have an OP system, No?(2)

Gate of Immortality

Eastern · starry8sword

tuba_san

3yr

Replied to DNHELO

ch 0 5 I have an OP system, No?(1)

Gate of Immortality

Eastern · starry8sword

tuba_san

3yr

Commented

There are many errors throughout the chapter, some of which might be because of author's skill level, but others are just typos and mistakes. Would recommend reviewing the chapter after writing it to spot such errors before posting. Or coming back, reviewing an older chapter and fixing it.

ch 0 4 Lucky? May be NOT.

Gate of Immortality

Eastern · starry8sword

tuba_san

3yr

Commented

Please tell how to "chill up"

"....." Yang shi wished nothing but to strangle this man in front of him." Calm down, calm down. you can't beat him, chill up."

Gate of Immortality

Eastern · starry8sword

tuba_san

3yr

Commented

What do you mean "though they are no really immortal"?

It looks like the man was pleased with the foolish expression of Yang shi." Of course, they are the cultivators, those like you read in a wuxia novel, though they are no really IMMORTAL, they also die."

Gate of Immortality

Eastern · starry8sword

tuba_san

3yr

Commented

Author come back and edit this chapter. You said you'd improve over time, improve this chapter too, so much time has passed.

ch 0 2 Three wishes and Deal

Gate of Immortality

Eastern · starry8sword

tuba_san

3yr

Commented

his. husband. her

'I am his .... husband, Please, can you call her'

Gate of Immortality

Eastern · starry8sword

tuba_san

3yr

Commented

this is cursed paragraph. Please capitalize words and do not use random brackets

Today he got a call from mei xian's friend, who was also worked with her, telling him that she had gotten a fight with someone called Young master Song. Yang Shi almost dropped his phone. He knew who is this Young master Song. He was the youngest son of Song Qiming, the head of Song real estate. a powerful company. The Young master Song is very notorious for raping girls and killing them. [ This girl never listens to me. How many times I told her to not mess with such people, what if...." Yang Shi didn't dare to think more as he dashed to Mei Xian's workplace...