Webnovel Author: Jaffaaaa - Fanfic Collection

Jaffaaaa

10mth

Commented

Then just write Son of Atlas

ch 0 1 Baddy Atlas

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Replied to Placidusax

Go on my latest review. I will continue there. Thank you my only friend

ch 0 1 Baddy Atlas

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Posted

Hey there. I will upload my work from now on here. There were problems with contract so I have to start again. Wish me luck.

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

Every step I took I had to be careful because, in this state of mine, it was dangerous to even just fight a Harpyie.

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Replied to Placidusax

Bro i will switch Accounts. I will tell you the new one

ch 0 1 Baddy Atlas

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Replied to Placidusax

Give me your power stones my one and only friend

In a flash of fury, I lunged forward to strike Helios, but he vanished into a thick fog. Before disappearing, he taunted me with the words, "You have until dawn."

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

Mommy Artemis

ch 0 1 Underground Dungeon

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Posted

So first of all nice job choosing the topic. Readers live that and the fan base will be big. It’s a nice and interesting concept. You try to catch the reader and in some parts you succeeded. I just see Major problem. And that’s the length of everything. It’ s to short. You could give many things more emotions and descriptions. If you do that it will be even funnier reading ya book. Another problem that can be fixed fast is the language. Here and there sometimes the sentences does not make so much sense. But with just a bit of editing it will be better. Keep up your work author

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

It sounds a bit weird.

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Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

You could give it more feelings with like: He was covered in bandages. The pain got stronger……..

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Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

It’s a mixture of different perspectives. Focus on one.

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Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

Check the commars again in the chapter

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Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

Writing he is cold is easy. But descri bing it would make it more awesome. And so you can build in more emo tions

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Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

I would personally take my time and write it in 2 sentences atleast to give the baby birth and letting it grow metaphorically.

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Jaffaaaa

11mth

Posted

First of all the author can be proud to launch such a big project. It’s a very nice world and the characters are interesting. We all know that game genre and love it. The chapter length is good. For my taste a bit too much. I just had one big problem and that’s the formulation. It could be just not my taste. As marked in the comments I did not like some of the structures of the sentences. It sounded plastic and a bit of unrealistically. But I would recommend you to just edit it if more people agree. Basically I loved the name giving and the environment. The atmosphere is written well. Just a second problem I saw would be the mixture of different perspectives. As a reader I would say it is too much. And as author I would praise your unique st yle. Keep up your good work, with a bit of overlook you can make it more solid.

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

I Perspektive and He Perspective is mixed here. Which makes the senten ce a bit weird.

Right, a player's name! Almost forgot… Ye Qing sank into a moment of contemplation as he reviewed his life experience while choosing a suitable name. The more he thought about it, one name in particular— a word actually, surfaced in his mind.

Clash of Titans Online

Games · CasuallyPolite

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

Came the mechanical sounds plastic and not so cool in written.

In the boundless darkness came the mechanical sound, followed by light. In fact, the scenery was no different from before, with the exception that the blank space was now white and not black.

Clash of Titans Online

Games · CasuallyPolite

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

I would switch out personally Name with another synonym to show of the power better. Name sounds boring tbh

A game that swept the planet like a storm, developed by top technicians and game studios across the globe, funded mutually by the United States, the European Union, NATO, and many other big names around the globe.

Clash of Titans Online

Games · CasuallyPolite

Jaffaaaa

11mth

Commented

Don’t know if my English is not good enough. But commas missing I would say

Even as the woman was about to talk, she noticed that the old man had already retreated into the necropolis as the fog completely enshrouded the ancient structure— everything seemed like an illusion, as though this graveyard never existed in this valley.

Clash of Titans Online

Games · CasuallyPolite

Webnovel Author: Jaffaaaa - Fanfic Collection

Badges 5

Moments 53

Son of Atlas:Revenge

Son of Atlas:Revenge

Echoes of a Forgotten Era

Echoes of a Forgotten Era

Echoes of a Forgotten Era

Son of Atlas:Revenge

Son of Atlas:Revenge

Son of Atlas:Revenge

The Fallen Punisher

The Fallen Punisher

The Fallen Punisher

The Fallen Punisher

The Fallen Punisher

The Fallen Punisher

The Fallen Punisher

Clash of Titans Online

Clash of Titans Online

Clash of Titans Online

Clash of Titans Online

Clash of Titans Online

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